What helps you Grow the most in Recovery?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 104
Whats helping me grow in my recovery is learning and allowing myself to feel. I grew up in a home were if you showed any emotion outside of being strong silent strength it was considered a sign of weakness. I learned to stuff everything. Recovery is teaching me it's ok to hve weakness and actual feelings.
Another silly little thing for me was:
Letting my house get dirty sometimes. And realizing that the Clean Police were not going to come knocking on my door. In fact, NO ONE cared. NO ONE.
But that had never stopped me from martyring myself to the chores. I *have* to do these dishes - Who *else* will get this done? - I'll get to that after I do this&this&this&this..... always finding more to do (& more unimportant things at that) & pushing my personal care & needs to the back burner over & over.
Then when I'd explode I'd blame all those things that I *had* to get done that bothered no one else. I'd go so far as to be angry at them (read: Him - c'mon, who else lives there? Was young DD in any way responsible for this?) - angry that he didn't "see" the same priorities. Why didn't those 8 dishes in the sink bother him the way they bothered me?????????
Letting my house get dirty sometimes. And realizing that the Clean Police were not going to come knocking on my door. In fact, NO ONE cared. NO ONE.
But that had never stopped me from martyring myself to the chores. I *have* to do these dishes - Who *else* will get this done? - I'll get to that after I do this&this&this&this..... always finding more to do (& more unimportant things at that) & pushing my personal care & needs to the back burner over & over.
Then when I'd explode I'd blame all those things that I *had* to get done that bothered no one else. I'd go so far as to be angry at them (read: Him - c'mon, who else lives there? Was young DD in any way responsible for this?) - angry that he didn't "see" the same priorities. Why didn't those 8 dishes in the sink bother him the way they bothered me?????????
This is a great thread! I don't know if I can pin point any one thing, but there were several things posted that I think I will try. The one that sticks out the most is the "I'm sorry." People all my life have told me that I say that too much. The thing is is that I am not actually sorry as if I did something wrong.... I'm just empathetically acknowledging that something bad has happened to someone else. But I am beginning to understand how others do not see it that way and how a simple shift in words can change how others percieve me.
I suppose the thing that has brought me this far has been to detach and to stop engaging in drama. Also, I make myself a priority now and I care less and less about "rocking the boat" when I feel that I should speak up and say something. I can still be tactful and respectful while allowing myself to have an opinion!
I suppose the thing that has brought me this far has been to detach and to stop engaging in drama. Also, I make myself a priority now and I care less and less about "rocking the boat" when I feel that I should speak up and say something. I can still be tactful and respectful while allowing myself to have an opinion!
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