Just call me Cleo
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by honeypig 
Hangn, that is right on the money--I believed him and trusted him again and again. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them" hadn't entered my worldview yet. He told me he had been taking money, yet I continued to let him handle the finances, feeling that this was a show of my trust in him and surely he'd recognize that and start acting honorably.
It's just so weird, knowing what I have learned in the last few years...it's unbelievable to me now that I'd do those things. And again, I don't feel upset or bitter, or at least not very much, not today (who knows about tomorrow?). I guess more than anything else, I'm glad to have the info for the light it sheds on "what I knew and when I knew it." Needless to say, those journals are going to be saved...
Thanks to all who've posted here; there are some great points made and I appreciate the insights and experiences shared.
It's just so weird, knowing what I have learned in the last few years...it's unbelievable to me now that I'd do those things. And again, I don't feel upset or bitter, or at least not very much, not today (who knows about tomorrow?). I guess more than anything else, I'm glad to have the info for the light it sheds on "what I knew and when I knew it." Needless to say, those journals are going to be saved...
Thanks to all who've posted here; there are some great points made and I appreciate the insights and experiences shared.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Honeypig-
Three pieces that may or may not resonate.
One for me in my own addiction a number of years into recovery I had to realize that my addictive behaviors had started 6-8 years prior to what I had previously thought. Part of it was a definition of "addiction" that was keeping me caught, part of it was that I had to get to level of recovery to "see" the behaviors previously. I think what you expeirenced is so normal and is a tribute to your recovery, not your illness.
Also it brings up for me how I have been a big believer of words, and have not expected actions in the same way that I have needed to. That also is part of my journey, and thanks for normalizing that experience for me.
Third (and last) there is a piece of me reading your story realizing how much for me might be about my inability in the past to be present with my reality (and using escape mechanisms like denial and my ED). I am much better about being present now and I hope that will serve me in the future. I actually found a diary this weekend from when my ex and I met.....and it allowed me to see how I was swept up in the romance of it all.....that it was hard for me to let anything else in as a result.
Three pieces that may or may not resonate.
One for me in my own addiction a number of years into recovery I had to realize that my addictive behaviors had started 6-8 years prior to what I had previously thought. Part of it was a definition of "addiction" that was keeping me caught, part of it was that I had to get to level of recovery to "see" the behaviors previously. I think what you expeirenced is so normal and is a tribute to your recovery, not your illness.
Also it brings up for me how I have been a big believer of words, and have not expected actions in the same way that I have needed to. That also is part of my journey, and thanks for normalizing that experience for me.
Third (and last) there is a piece of me reading your story realizing how much for me might be about my inability in the past to be present with my reality (and using escape mechanisms like denial and my ED). I am much better about being present now and I hope that will serve me in the future. I actually found a diary this weekend from when my ex and I met.....and it allowed me to see how I was swept up in the romance of it all.....that it was hard for me to let anything else in as a result.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Count me among those who are suggesting that you are being WAY too hard on yourself over this, and that it doesn't really sound like denial...more like something you minimized so much that it slipped your mind.
Anyhoo...much love and ((HUGS)) to you, my friend.
Anyhoo...much love and ((HUGS)) to you, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Yeah - easy on yourself. I'm here with ya, dear. Slowly, unacceptable event after unacceptable event is coming back to me now that I have some peace. We did our best at the time, and even greater, we are doing our best TODAY, and that is making all the difference. (((HUGS)))
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