Feeling Low
 

Once again I find myself at wrk trying to care for my patients. I tell ya it doesn't help that I work with alcoholics all the damn time in the final stages of liver disease. Anyway I was sitting here starting to feel pretty low about missing my xabf and doing the what if game to myself smh. So I came to SR and started reading the classic reading honestly I didn't want to read but I knew I needed to. I went to potential and read the frog story again and that's when it occurred to me what was happening to me. I was becoming the damn frog in lukewarm water that was slowly heating up. When the xabf would disappear and didn't call to give a reason just text saying how he ****** up again. It's only gonna get worse and worse and worse. I can't say that am not gonna miss him but am missing the man who was 9 yrs sober when we meet and insightful. So back to my list the disappearing acts. I treated myself to a spinach salad and veggie nuggets for lunch so am marking that of my list bc it was a small treat for me. Needed to share am sure I will be sharing quite a bit in the near future so I can get through this and not back slide to him even though I know I won't be happy.

I often come here to read, take a moment and breathe and always feel better for doing so.

It's a tough road and some days are easier than others.

I am glad you came here and treated yourself too.

It's such a simply concept to just take care and focus on ourselves but sometimes so damn difficult to do.

I am glad you are here.

SR and Al Anon keep me sane and I am very grateful to have found my way here.

Take care of you and the rest will follow. Phil :grouphug:

gcolema.....While I was going through the same stage you are now with a relationship that broke up...I was the medical co-ordinator of the drug and alcoholism program. The go between the departments of medicine and psychiatry (as a physician assistant).
He wasn't an alcoholic--but, the grieving process was the same. I was a hot mess!
In front of patients, families, etc. I had on my game face---but, I always wondered--what if they knew that I was m ore of a mess than they were. I had a small mirror on the wall of m y office where I could redo my eye make up after crying (with the door locked).
I remember that one morning, on the way to work...I stopped for coffee at a convenience store...and the clerk said some kind words to me...and I broke down at the counter, just sobbing.
I started reading books about "letting go" and listened to Prince's song--"Purple
rain" over and over....(my teenaged children finally hid the tape from me).
And I read my list of "bad stuff" until it was shreaded.
I was lucky that my work and the house and the kids afforded me a lot of automatic structure--but, the grieving felt ever present--waiting just below the surface. And yet, except for a few "insiders"...few people would have guessed that I was bleeding on the inside.
It was the worst break-up that I had ever been through. I would say that it took me a good 6months to get through the acute part...until I could go for days without thinking about it.

I understand that these days are a b**** to get through.

I can promise you that it won't be like this forever.....but, I know that you probably can't imagine that, just now.....

dandylion

Dandylion laughed reading parts of your message and wanted to cry reading the other parts. Am a Med Surg RN an I deal with mostly liver/aka drunks. Coming in being completely passed out to withdrawing with horrible DTs. This is horible time for me no kids home as my oldest is out the house and my youngest is with my ex husband. Am alone fighting my urges to not call him or reach out. I was weak and did it b4 wrk and he didn't pick up which is a good thing honestly. I have to be realistic this is not a good healthy relationship for me anymore. Your right though it hurts like hell feels like my chest is caving in. One of my goals for myself is to go to a ACOA meeting this evening

gcolema....I think that you will gain a great deal from talking and sharing feelings with others in that group.
Try to remember that grieving is the very beginning part of healing. Through the pain....eventually, will come changes. Grief serves a very important purpose.
I know how hard it is to fight those "urges".

dandylion