Butterfly

But I didn't always enforce my boundaries I let them lapse from time to time with the sex talk but I did when he mentioned having sex. Yes it was about 16 years!!

Wow firesprite thank you. I need to read this a few times I think to let it fully sink in but on the first read you have hit on something I hadn't thought about. I always thought my issues were with my mum and her leaving constantly which caused me to have abandonment issues. I never considered my father, although he was never around when I was growing up. And yes I fought hard to not feel abandoned!! Thank you!!!

FireSprite

Maybe because with your mom you accepted the expectation of being abandoned, but that made you cling more tightly & project that fear onto Dad? Maybe you were more terrified at the possibility of your reliable parent leaving you completely alone?

RAH did that with his mom - she was awful & terribly dysfunctional & had already abandoned other children of hers but when his father died, she was all he had. At 14 it made more emotional sense to him to excuse her bad behavior than to face being fully abandoned.

If you're down to a single lifeline, it makes sense that you'd experience terror over it breaking. (((((HUGS))))))

NYCDoglvr

Personally I'd run from this counselor....you know you're not being helped. I found cognitive therapy life-saving because I got invaluable tools that helped ME change my thinking, words and actions.

Butterfly

Firesprite you have really given me lots to think about. Thank you.

Thanks nyc