HHTexas

AH binge drinks about every 3 months or so for about 1 week. The rest of the time he's generally a good husband, if not somewhat distant and aloof.

Anywho, his is not about him but about me. I didn't get an anniversary card this year, or a birthday card/gift several months ago. In the name of "saving money." I kinda keep thinking about that as I'm watching this latest binge... He's passed out (I think) in our bedroom. I've moved to the guest room. We do have a nice vacation planned in Nov. he's a very attentive daddy to our 2 year old.

But I can't help but think about wanting more. I want another baby but not with him!! Wanting romance, to feel like I'm amazing.

When I think about leaving, it seems like a huge mountain. Our house is too big for me to pay for and maintain as a single mom. I have a decent job but he's definitely the major breadwinner. My parents live 3 hours away. I worry about being lonely. I worry that during the "honeymoon" period, I'll chicken out and be wooed again.

Good first steps?? I feel like an idiot for staying. Most folks don't stay with lying alcoholics it would seem! But I hate the thought of cramming a toddler, 2 cars and a dog in an apartment. 😟

AnvilheadII

cramming a toddler, 2 cars and a dog in an apartment

hopefully that was really CATS? lol

nobody is going to BRING you a box of happy. fed ex isn't going to show up with a special "happy" delivery. you want a better, happier life? then you are going to have to go GET ONE.

this is probably as good as it is going to get in your current situation. you could wait 1, 2, 3 years and it will HARDER to leave than it is NOW. your 2 yr old who doesn't really get the dynamics of his parents will at 4 or 5 begin to ABSORB the dysfunction and begin to make life choices based on that. he already has one impaired parent.....a guardian who is not reliable, and is sometimes dangerous to his well being. and his other guardian is becoming more sad and depressed and resigned. he's two and already his world that should be all about safety and security and stability is wobbly.

you get to chose right now what is best for your child. what is best for you. what assures the best of outcomes.

maia1234

HH- I waited 34 years, it never got better. I finally left!!

Hugs my friend, you need to do what is best for you and only when you are strong enough to execute a plan, will you be successful. Keep reading and hitting alanon meetings. One day you will have that strength to do what you need to do.

HHTexas

LOL. Thank you for the feedback but mostly thank you for making me laugh! Yes, that's 2 cats not cars.... Although one cat is about the same size as a car 😸