soberclover

It is so hard knowing the alcoholic behaviors because I am a recovering alcoholic. It is so hard knowing the realities of him growing up in an alcoholic family because I did too. We don't live together but have been a couple for six years. At least I learned enough along my journey to maintain some sort of boundaries.

He is so good when he is good and so bad when he is bad. I have serious abandonment issues and I feel so stuck. I don't want to be alone but the reality is that.......I already am.

FeelingGreat

Congratulations on your sobriety Clover. I hope this situation isn't going to endanger that.
How long have you been thinking that you have to end this relationship? It sounds like you're going through the mourning phase in advance.
Have you made an effort to build up a social and support circle that doesn't include him?

maia1234

SC- Welcome. You are not alone. You have plenty of friends here on SR and you don't even know us yet. Take a look at the stickies up top and read about helping yourself get strong mentally and physically. If you stopped drinking, you can stop enabling!!

Hugs my friend, keep reading, hit an alanon meeting and keep posting. We are here for you!!

emilynghiem

Dear soberclover You are very aware and capable if you this honest, and even know your weak spot, that you have abandonment issues. If you focus inward on all your childhood or past relations that built up that fear or reaction about abandonment, then nobody and nothing can ever push that button or hit that achilles' heel. You already know that's where you fall weak, so good for you. You at least know where to focus.

All the methods of therapy and recovery I've looked into involve Forgiveness. So the more you can forgive that issue of abandonment, the reactions, all the memories emotions and perceptions attached to it, the more you can confront and address your fears and the root memories that were the seeds they sprung from, you can remove these unwanted weeds from your garden.

work on this, all the root issues that went into it,
and your other problems and reactions will probably take care of themselves.

The more you work on rooting out your worst fears
(1) nobody can manipulate you by those weak spots anymore
(2) you will attract more people in your life who are also confronting and conquering their fears, so you will get more help and support, and it will become easier.

The people on this site are good examples of those who have conquered fear with love, wrongs and regrets with forgiveness and letting go. You keep applying that approach to your weak spots, fears and issues of the past, you are well on your way.

Good for you that you know yourself and where you need to focus.

You are better off than people with no clue who are afraid to even look, much less know.

Let your love be greater than your fear.
Love always wins, because love generates more love.
Forgiveness is more powerful than unforgiveness,
good will more powerful than ill will.
Bring out the best in yourself, and that will help overcome
your worst faults.

Forgive first, and any corrections needed will follow.
Take care and more hugs and love to you!
Yours truly, Emily