tanzanitelover

My son said to me last night when his Dad dies i will probably feel free.I feel so sad for that but its so awful to see someone killing them self.I feel sorry for him we moved far from his birth place and he retired as he got a bad reputation no one would hire him he had a career that a lot of people would love to have. He doesnt drive because Duis and i would b e scared if he did so he takes buses and does same thing day in day out .He says hes not bored he must be i tried to get him to go to volunteer he wont.I get bored to taking care of 3 kids .He is an old man so not much time cant really believe all the falls hes still here. one week good one bad hate life on a roller coaster but i know how hard it will be when hes gone his pension stops so i will have to work scared as i ve been home so long but i know i will manage but it scares me and i wont get called awful names anymore we both life in hell now.We are like room mates he cleans his room and cooks for himself i take care of kids i feel if he can shop for liquor he can take care of himself .

Refiner

And why are you still with him? You can still live off his pension while he's alive but can be divorced and at least away from his verbal abuse.

tanzanitelover

I guess its been easier to stay fear of being here its not my place of birth no friends here hes been bearable some of the time sober hes a nice person and the kids are busy.I have it financially comfortable which i wouldnt if i left.I think im just scared of the unknown i think woman stay because of this and i keep busy when hes unbearable probably not good reason i really dont know.Iguess ive got in a rut.

Refiner

That's sad. I wish you the best!

tanzanitelover

Thanks i guess i dont remember life any different and once the kids are grown if hes still here i will have a different life my main goal is to get kids grown and happy .I feel sorry for him at times but i know hes chosen drink be fore us i have to keep telling myself that .

emilynghiem

Dear TL if you and he have enough resources, I would look into buying a low cost rental property, something you can use to get monthly income on, and start working on that now. People have retired doing this correctly, but you can't just buy any property. It has to cost less, by a fixed margin, below the money you can receive renting it for cheaper than surrounding market values, and you may need help how to write all business expenses off your taxes so those are all covered too.

There is a way to do this where you can have extra income coming in, normally the goal is to get a property that will get you at least 250 per month after paying your expenses and taxes. (One group that used to send out free videos on how to do this on any budget is LUINC.com but they may have changed to focus more on high investment apts and might not teach this for single homes anymore. The concept can be used by anyone -- to buy a house so low that the money you make renting it pays off the monthly mortgage and any renovations rolled into the loan, as well as the annual property taxes and other expenses, and still gives you 200 or more a month to work with or to invest in buying another one.)

As for your husband and situation, any time you feel negative thoughts or associations, like resentment about this or that, consciously ask help to FORGIVE those impulses and memories. Eventually you will attract POSITIVE help to solve the problems in place of NEGATIVE energy that is circulating back and forth. The decision to FORGIVE breaks through that cycle and creates openings for Positive changes, people and opportunities to enter the picture.

While you are going through this daily routine, try practicing replacing negative with positive, and circulating more healing and happy energy.

You may not see changes at first, but over time, you will start to gain insights and see better ways to change things and empower yourself with positive focus instead of dread and negative fears that weigh down on your space. You deserve positive help and energy and support; so forgiveness helps clear out the negative blockages and open up more clear paths and insights to plan for better in the future.

If you want to inspire more constructive ideas, I recommend the book What Color is Your Parachute for you or your husband to assess what life skills and talents you have that you enjoy the most, and matching those to jobs or hobbies that make the most of your best skills.

The point of the book is to prepare people for marketing their talents, but for you and your husband it may be more to find a hobby that exercises your skills and brains to keep you active and positive.

Take care and I hope you find ways to expand on or improve
your situation where you are happier and feel renewed
interest, security and peace of mind. Yours truly, Emily

redatlanta

Tanzanite - do you have access to finances?

tanzanitelover

I have access to our money he doesnt spend much only his drink and a few groceries .AH has never been mean with money we buy what we want have a credit card balance working on paying it off .I have some money hidden and by Christmas my car will be paid .Ithink ive stayed like a lot o f woman because were scared .My husband quite old so i know he has limited time its sad to see him and i think of the years wasted .I took my kids to Asia this summer and to be away was so nice every morning no waiting to hear him falling.Though i hate coming back to what i might find he did go 10 days without a drink .I felt sad yesterday driving my son to school i saw him walking with his groceries i dont cook for him once in awhile if hes nice i might leave some but i resent cooking for him when im called a bitch.Feel bad as im sure hes loneley he doesnt do much just go get drink and go to the bookstore he loves books.

FeelingGreat

Tanzy, why not make a plan to get some part-time work? You would make some friends, get away from your situation for a while, and have something on your CV if you need to work in the future. As well as some extra money for the future. Tell your husband the truth about being worried about when the pension stops if he asks why you're working.
I promise you that if you get a job, even a small one, you won't look back.

tanzanitelover

I would love to get a part time job only problem at the moment is one of my boys has a learning disability and i take him to a school almost an hour drive 4 day a week.I am trying to find a car pool at least one day.I spend a lot of time on helping him with homework to he gets extra help but sadly i have to devote more time to him then my other two kids.I thought about babysitting or dog sitting love animals.

tanzanitelover

As for talking to my husband thats difficult to find time when hes normal .

FeelingGreat

Dog sitting sounds ideal and wouldn't take away too much from your other responsibilities. You might even be able to get your son with the learning disability involved with the feeding, walking, grooming and so on.
I'm not sure whether your husband is difficult, apart from the drinking? Would he be supportive if you did set up your own business?