Relapse vs planning to drink less
Do any of you have experienced I can share to help him understand the problem with his goal to be a social drinker? He hasn't drank socially since even before he went to rehab. He is a lone drinker. When we did go to parties he isolated himself and people would say he was tough to be around drinking or not.
Because it's not a matter of choice, he is an alcoholic.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
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This is a scenario that can easily lead to you chasing him right down that rabbit whole. The debate with him about whether or not he can moderate becomes part of the problem. He goes to rehab, and comes out "cured". He proves it to you by only drinking one or two drinks in front of you. Of course, you know he's sneaking more when you're not looking, and set about trying to prove it. It becomes a never ending cat and mouse game, and if you've ever watched cartoons you know the cat never wins.
Best not to even go there. You can tattoo the stats right on his forehead and it won't make a difference. He already knows he's dishing out bull. He's just gaming the system.
Best not to even go there. You can tattoo the stats right on his forehead and it won't make a difference. He already knows he's dishing out bull. He's just gaming the system.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 262
How long can someone actually drink in moderation before being full blown again? I ask this because my AH has about 10 months of moderation so far, I keep waiting for it to change but so far it hasn't.
That's what HE is telling you. How do you KNOW how much he drinks?
This is the same guy who had your kids blowing into his interlock device for him. I wouldn't take his word for anything.
This is the same guy who had your kids blowing into his interlock device for him. I wouldn't take his word for anything.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 262
I would argue that his "moderation" translates to "still progressing" - if/when he goes "full blown" again, it can happen as fast as the flip of a switch & overnight everything can change very, very dramatically.
I have learned TONS from other SR members in the Newcomers & Alcoholism forums about this, from their shares in threads relating to moderation. Very enlightening!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Got an analogy and a metaphor for you, buy one get one free day :-)
1. Analogy: Great speaker in a step study I was in spoke of two sides to alcoholism - the allergy and the obsession. The 'allergy' analogy really worked for me. If you are allergic to shellfish and eat shrimp you can't sit there and will your body not to break out in hives or perhaps go into anaphylactic shock. Alcohol for an alcoholic is the same way.
2. Metaphor (courtesy of my beloved RA bride, think it sums up what FG said): "Well, you're a cucumber, you stopped and stayed a cucumber. I'm a pickle, there ain't no goin back to cucumber once you are a pickle."
This is hard for me to say and surely you won't like hearing it but until he wants sobriety about as much as he wants air it's really a waste of time trying to convince him. Someone here once told me I may as well ask my dog and await a written response.
I'm sorry you had to come looking for us but glad that you found us.
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