A confession

Old 08-25-2015, 07:46 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
A confession

I do have a prescription for percocets. I have a bad back. Don't take them that often. After taking grandsons to Knoebels, I needed one. It made me very relaxed.

I stupidly said to my daughter, that I was wondering how my ex was treating his gf, because I really did want to know if it was me!?

She couldn't shut up then. Told me that she was there for a week and that he had her crying 2 times.

I guess in a way I feel validated, but I really didn't need to know that, and I feel bad for gf.

amy
amy55 is offline  
Old 08-25-2015, 07:51 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sotiredofitall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
Its hard not to be human and ask human things. I think in normal life that is, well, normal. We deal with abnormal folk and its hard not to do *normal* interactions. Don't sweat that small stuff. Hugs!
Sotiredofitall is offline  
Old 08-25-2015, 09:32 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Broken Heart of Gold
 
BlackSabbath's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 87
Aww, don't feel bad for gf. It's her choice to stay. We all ask, "Was it me?" The answer certainly is a resounding "NO!" but we somehow find this hard to accept as the truth.

Happy you're finding joy spending time with the grandsons!!! Hugs <3
BlackSabbath is offline  
Old 08-25-2015, 10:11 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
I am a little confused. Are you saying the pain pill was to blame for you asking your daughter about your ex?
FindingMe2 is offline  
Old 08-25-2015, 10:14 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm going to blame the perc's for this. (lol). I actually only take about 3 a month when my back is really, really bad. I'm afraid to take more because of my addiction to drinking. It's like, "make the world go away, take it off off of my shoulders"

1. I should never have asked my daughter that.

2. I wish she didn't answer that.

3. I didn't really need to know

4. I felt good that she was crying 2 'x because he was verbally abusing her

5. I didn't feed that good when I heard this. I thought I would.

6. I felt bad that my daughter did tell me this, I was hoping she wouldn't.

All of this was mixed emotions. I wish I never asked.

Problem now is that I do have that prescription. It's to take as needed or 2 a day. Didn't quite get there yet. Taking 1 or 1 1/2 a day, and realizing that I am now taking them to not feel anything. Going to flush all of them and just go with motrin or aleve.

I went through cancer and had pain meds, just don't think that I can handle them anymore. Even with the cancer I held back on pain killers.

Perhaps that is my true confession. I could really get to like percs, and I don't want to go there.

amy
amy55 is offline  
Old 08-25-2015, 10:42 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Originally Posted by FindingMe2 View Post
I am a little confused. Are you saying the pain pill was to blame for you asking your daughter about your ex?

I have thought about this for a really long time, as to whether or not he is treating his gf like he treated me, actually it was driving me "nuts". And I would say yes, that percocet made me feel comfortable enough to ask that question. Am I blaming the pill, "no". I think I am more blaming myself.

I did want to ask that question, but I didn't really want to know. In a way it was validation, but I really didn't want to hear that he was treating her the same way. I had wished with age that he would calm down and have a happy life.
amy55 is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 04:02 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Amy.....he is a grown adult....and so is she, for that matter. They are fully able and have the free will to choose their own actions and make any choices that they want.
We humans have natural cu riosity and interest, I think....but, beyond that---obsessing over them in a micro way is giving them too much of your own head space. They sure as hell are n ot lying awake , at night, worrying if you are happy, or crying or improving with age...lol.
This, as I see it, is about you placing your own internal boundaries to protect yourself. Without these kinds of mental boundaries.....it will make you feel sick...it will make you feel "out of control" and make you feel "crazy".

Rather than think about him having a happy life....redirect that mental energy to thinking about what you can do to let Amy have a happy life.

The 3 Cs......you didn't Cause their problems; you can't Control their problems; and you sure as hell can't Cure their problems......

The same applies to your ex=husband's abuse of you. You didn't cause it...you couldn't control it (only control yourself, ultimately)....and you couldn't cure it (not even now).
dandylion
dandylion is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 04:09 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
redatlanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Maybe he has calmed down some. Crying twice in a week over his verbal abuse sounds like a lot less than what you endured.

If anything I think it may open your kids eyes more to how he really is. Adults thoughts and the way they see things are different than when you are a kid.

I am sorry the GF is dealing with it, but I am not surprised - are you?

Yes flush the percocet if you can control with something else. Having seen what my husband went through to get off his 10 year prescription pain management opioid dependency - you don't want to go there. From his mouth, watching what it entailed, and from the opinions of his dr. alcohol was (from a physical addiction standpoint) a walk in the park.
redatlanta is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 02:30 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
theuncertainty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Amy, I completely get the want-to-know-it-wasn't-me-making-him-treat-me-that-way vs not-wanting-him-to-hurt-her. I think, based on discussions at support groups, we're not alone in playing those wishes against each other. Wanting to know that it wasn't your fault that he treated you like he did doesn't make you a bad person, Amy. It only shows just how much he hurt you.

(((Gentle hugs)))
theuncertainty is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 02:51 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree with the post above. You are human. No one is perfect all the time. I am often curious about my X's relationship. Not b/c I am pining for him (ha, quite the opposite), but more morbid curiosity in how anyone can function in a relationship with him.

Hugs to you my friend!
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 06:21 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
searching peace's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Amy, I understand you feeling badly about asking your daughter. But I completely understand that so well! I have wanted so many times to call my AH's ex wife and ask her if he treated her this way. I did have a conversation with him today and I told him that I know he had lied about her to me, because now he was saying the same things about me to people and I KNOW they are not true about me! I thought he was going to fall over!
It just validates that this was not you! It was not things you said or did to cause his behavior and treatment of you. And that he didn't go on to have a fabulous and happy life with someone else. It is so difficult to be beaten down so much by someone you love and to feel like you somehow caused it. Now you know, you didn't!
searching peace is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 08:13 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
The validation was great, but I was also surprised. He usually held it together when we had company.

It also got me thinking though, that if she does tell him to get out, he will most likely move back to NJ. He's now about 13 hr drive time away from me, and I like that. He doesn't know anyone where he lives now.

PS - Percs got flushed. I got them about 2 months ago when my back went out. No, I don't need them for my everyday back pains, that is controllable with OTC pain relievers.
amy55 is offline  
Old 08-26-2015, 11:17 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Good for you, Amy, for disposing of the percosets. You are handling current problems great, and you are looking ahead to prevent future problems.

This is a major change from where you used to be when you were enslaved by an abusive mind controlling alcoholic.

Yea for AMY!!!!!!!!!

ShootingStar1
ShootingStar1 is offline  
Old 08-27-2015, 12:38 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
theuncertainty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
The validation was great, but I was also surprised. He usually held it together when we had company.
I was thinking the same thing. AXH was oh-so-charming when anyone else was around. If he were to "slip" when others were around it would mean things were so bad when it was just us that his slip would seem friendly by comparison.

And I have to admit to a morbid curiosity about what AXH might do when this GF kicks him out. He moved almost 3,000 miles away, I think, to move in with her. He knows no one there. There's absolutely no family anywhere close to there. I'm not entirely certain his sister's husband would let her send him a ticket home to live with them. It'll be interesting what AXH does if she kicks him out. Though, based on his track record, he'll have at least one 'friend' already on hook to buy his "You're the only one who understands me and truly loves me" story.

Not that I want to know, not really. I just realized its been MONTHS since anything turned up in the e-mail account that I hold for just him and his family. I love that!
theuncertainty is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:13 AM.