“Love” an Alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by mj1ab 
It's been close to 4 years (!) since I started this thread.
Unfortunately, nothing has really changed. Another DUI and some jail time didn't help. I can't even depend on family events to keep her sober. She's started to ruin those too. Same regular verbal abuse.
As always, when sober, she is well aware of the damage she causes. This, of course, feeds into that shame cycle that fuels more drinking.
It's all very depressing.
Anyway, thanks for listening (again).
Unfortunately, nothing has really changed. Another DUI and some jail time didn't help. I can't even depend on family events to keep her sober. She's started to ruin those too. Same regular verbal abuse.
As always, when sober, she is well aware of the damage she causes. This, of course, feeds into that shame cycle that fuels more drinking.
It's all very depressing.
Anyway, thanks for listening (again).
What do you feel you want to do. Are you just going to stay the course? As you probably know from reading around these boards, alcoholism is a progressive disease/condition and from your post that seems to be the case with your wife.
You mentioned that Al-Anon wasn't for you, what other support do you have, if any. I'm guessing the family now knows.
What would help you?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 128
It is very depressing.
Yes. you can love someone who is addicted to alcohol. I also know that it’s even more important to love yourself and take care of yourself.
There are many different options out there and it can be difficult to find the kind of support you need.
Keep reaching out like you are, and if you are able to, because there are other options out there for you.
I know this because I kept looking.
It’s ok to give up on your loved one and it’s also ok to keep trying.
Yes. you can love someone who is addicted to alcohol. I also know that it’s even more important to love yourself and take care of yourself.
There are many different options out there and it can be difficult to find the kind of support you need.
Keep reaching out like you are, and if you are able to, because there are other options out there for you.
I know this because I kept looking.
It’s ok to give up on your loved one and it’s also ok to keep trying.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by atalose
We the ones who love the A’s seem to mirror them. Just like alcoholics who say AA isn’t for them and therapy doesn’t help, we use those same excuses for NOT taking care of our own life and our own happiness and peace of mind and well-being.
Alcoholics shun responsibility for anything, codies shun responsibility for their own happiness and lives always depending on someone else to bring that about.
Excuses (denial) for NOT changing lie at the base of all addictions. And whether that addiction is to alcohol, drugs, food or another person.
Love isn’t supposed to hurt and cause pain and when someone is showing you they are not going to change then you have 2 choices…………..accept them and the situations for exactly what who and what they are or you leave and better your own life with some honest soul searching and education about your own behaviors.
It’s ok to love someone but not want them in your life.
Alcoholics shun responsibility for anything, codies shun responsibility for their own happiness and lives always depending on someone else to bring that about.
Excuses (denial) for NOT changing lie at the base of all addictions. And whether that addiction is to alcohol, drugs, food or another person.
Love isn’t supposed to hurt and cause pain and when someone is showing you they are not going to change then you have 2 choices…………..accept them and the situations for exactly what who and what they are or you leave and better your own life with some honest soul searching and education about your own behaviors.
It’s ok to love someone but not want them in your life.
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