The Language of Letting Go, August 22

Old 08-22-2015, 04:11 AM
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The Language of Letting Go, August 22

AUGUST 22

You are reading from the book*"The Language of Letting Go."*

Responsibility for Family Members*

I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me.*
--Anonymous*

For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other people's feelings had its roots in childhood and was established by members of our nuclear family. We may have been told that we made our mother or father miserable, leading directly to the idea that we were also responsible for making them happy. The idea that we are responsible for our parents' happiness or misery can instill exaggerated feelings of power and guilt in us.*

We do not have this kind of power over our parents - over their feelings, or over the course of their lives. We do not have to allow them to have this kind of power over us.*

Our parents did the best they could. But we still do not have to accept one belief from them that is not a healthy belief. They may be our parents, but they are not always right. They may be our parents, but their beliefs and behaviors are not always healthy and in our best interest.*

We are free to examine and choose our beliefs.*

Let go of guilt. Let go of excessive and inappropriate feelings of responsibility toward parents and other family members. We do not have to allow their destructive beliefs to control our feelings, our behaviors, our life, or us.*

Today, I will begin the process of setting myself free from any self-defeating beliefs my parents passed on to me. I will strive for appropriate ideas and boundaries concerning how much power and how much responsibility I can actually have in my relationship with my parents.*

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Old 08-22-2015, 04:36 AM
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This one really strikes a ccord for me in regards to my sober, but highly Codie mom.

My sister & I were just discussing not only how screwed up this dynamic is, but how different it is for each of us.... since we have different "roles" in the family, mom interacts with us differently too. So different that as I'm sharing stories with sis she's staring back, a bit incredulous, asking "did we live in the same house?"
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Old 08-22-2015, 04:44 AM
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Thanks honeypig . I figured that out a little too late . Both my parents passed within the last 3 years . Mom first whilst I was still in the grip of alcohol , Dad while I was 6 months dry . I seen them both get Sober in their late 50's.
Now I look back hoping I could have been Sober for them both Even with the Hell they put me through ,as a child of alcoholic parents .
Finally after 2 years I forgave them & myself - Life is Good
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Old 08-22-2015, 09:16 AM
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Thanks for this! My alcoholic mother used to complain that having my brother and sister and me had been a bad decision. We had a poodle as a pet, and she used to say that if she had it over again she would have three poodles instead. I've long realized looking back on it that this was a demeaning thing to say to me, but this reading made me think more deeply about how it also made me feel responsible for her unhappiness. I think that she sometimes used parenthood as an excuse for why she was unhappy, instead of looking at her drinking. And I always did feel helpless and responsible as a kid when she was sad. I hope that going forward I can let go of some of the guilt and responsibility I feel when people I love make choices that make them unhappy.
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