Well friends...it just continues
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Well friends...it just continues
I have not updated here in a while, so I thought I would share.
Most of you know, I share two children with my XAH. We have been apart for about a year and a half, I kicked him out and divorced him due to his drinking and the behaviors that goes along with it.
It is in my divorce decree that he is not allowed to drink around my children. He continues to do so, and gets mad when I come take them, even though that is the agreement. I don't have the money to take them to court, but I have it in writing from him they don't have to come, so they won't. He's a real gem.
This past Friday should have been his weekend. It was back to school picnic for my smallest DD who is 9, so I took her and he took my eldest DD who is 16 next month, out to dinner at a Habachi place. He proceeded to suck back Saki the entire time and made an a$$ of himself. She told me on their way back to his house (he was not driving), so I went and picked her up and that was that for the weekend.
Yesterday he walked right past them at church without even looking at them. His text last night said they don't have to come over if they don't want to. He send my eldest DD a text that she should say she is sorry for leaving. Really?
His fiancé was so mad when they got home that she smacked him twice. She does not know my DD heard that. Not long ago he pushed his fiancé up against the wall right in front of my kids. He continues to think that was OK to do so b/c she was "in his way."
My kids would be better off without him, but that does not erase the hurt it causes them. They are still in counseling (Thank God), and I continue to parent them in the best way I can. They are good girls, I am extremely lucky.
So even though we are divorced, and I am 100% happier in my own life (yay, yay, yay), it sucks to see your children hurting over alcoholic behavior. Horrible.
On another note, I have a friend that got beaten up by her husband three weeks ago. He is on drugs and alcohol, on top of mental illness. He did this in front of their children. She had him arrested and he has a restraining order to not be near her. He did agree to divorce and to sell their home, which she is still living in and was doing a walk through for an offer this week. Last night he came to the home while she was not there and committed suicide in their bed. It's so very sad. Addiction is a robber of the mind and body. Please say an extra prayer for my friend and her three small children today.
Most of you know, I share two children with my XAH. We have been apart for about a year and a half, I kicked him out and divorced him due to his drinking and the behaviors that goes along with it.
It is in my divorce decree that he is not allowed to drink around my children. He continues to do so, and gets mad when I come take them, even though that is the agreement. I don't have the money to take them to court, but I have it in writing from him they don't have to come, so they won't. He's a real gem.
This past Friday should have been his weekend. It was back to school picnic for my smallest DD who is 9, so I took her and he took my eldest DD who is 16 next month, out to dinner at a Habachi place. He proceeded to suck back Saki the entire time and made an a$$ of himself. She told me on their way back to his house (he was not driving), so I went and picked her up and that was that for the weekend.
Yesterday he walked right past them at church without even looking at them. His text last night said they don't have to come over if they don't want to. He send my eldest DD a text that she should say she is sorry for leaving. Really?
His fiancé was so mad when they got home that she smacked him twice. She does not know my DD heard that. Not long ago he pushed his fiancé up against the wall right in front of my kids. He continues to think that was OK to do so b/c she was "in his way."
My kids would be better off without him, but that does not erase the hurt it causes them. They are still in counseling (Thank God), and I continue to parent them in the best way I can. They are good girls, I am extremely lucky.
So even though we are divorced, and I am 100% happier in my own life (yay, yay, yay), it sucks to see your children hurting over alcoholic behavior. Horrible.
On another note, I have a friend that got beaten up by her husband three weeks ago. He is on drugs and alcohol, on top of mental illness. He did this in front of their children. She had him arrested and he has a restraining order to not be near her. He did agree to divorce and to sell their home, which she is still living in and was doing a walk through for an offer this week. Last night he came to the home while she was not there and committed suicide in their bed. It's so very sad. Addiction is a robber of the mind and body. Please say an extra prayer for my friend and her three small children today.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm so sorry for your friend (but very glad he didn't decide to take them with him--that happens WAY too often).
The violence in your ex's home is disturbing--no matter who is doing it. His fiancee is doing it to him and he is doing it to her. I think that is a VERY good reason for not sending the kids to that home. Let HIM file if he wants to complain about it.
I'm sorry your kids are still having to put up with this nonsense.
The violence in your ex's home is disturbing--no matter who is doing it. His fiancee is doing it to him and he is doing it to her. I think that is a VERY good reason for not sending the kids to that home. Let HIM file if he wants to complain about it.
I'm sorry your kids are still having to put up with this nonsense.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Thank you Lexie. I agree with you 100%. If he tries to file I am ready, but for now, I am just keeping all my documents, emails, texts, etc and saving them in case I ever need them. My DD's counselor has also noted in their file that they are fearful of their father. It's so sad.
I hate to say, the first thing I thought about my friend's husband was relief too. Relief he did not hurt them. So I thank God for that, and am just saying a lot of prayers that she gets through this awful time.
XXX
I hate to say, the first thing I thought about my friend's husband was relief too. Relief he did not hurt them. So I thank God for that, and am just saying a lot of prayers that she gets through this awful time.
XXX
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Oh friend-I am praying for you and your girls. It is devastating. So sorry for your friend-but relief his illness only took him and not your friend or the kids. Alcoholism and the resulting behaviors suck. Much love to you!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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H- I am so sorry for your friend and her kids. At one point he probably was a good man and father. This disease is horrible!!
My DD 21 did not want to ride in car with him back to college. She begged me to drive with, he was pxssed at me. It was a horrible trip there as he sat and pouted. On the way home he kept egging me why I had to "come". I finally said that DD did not want him to take her and she really doesn't want him in her life anymore. He "started" crying. Didn't say much the rest of the ride.
He called her the next day and told her he was sorry and that he has been really fxcked up lately and he will try and be a better father. It is so tragic. He will never be a better father, addicted to all his addictions.
Hopeful, hug them tight and let them know they are safe with you and can call anytime of the day or night. They sound like amazing daughters with good heads on their shoulders. I also have been blessed as neither, so far, are addicts!!
My DD 21 did not want to ride in car with him back to college. She begged me to drive with, he was pxssed at me. It was a horrible trip there as he sat and pouted. On the way home he kept egging me why I had to "come". I finally said that DD did not want him to take her and she really doesn't want him in her life anymore. He "started" crying. Didn't say much the rest of the ride.
He called her the next day and told her he was sorry and that he has been really fxcked up lately and he will try and be a better father. It is so tragic. He will never be a better father, addicted to all his addictions.
Hopeful, hug them tight and let them know they are safe with you and can call anytime of the day or night. They sound like amazing daughters with good heads on their shoulders. I also have been blessed as neither, so far, are addicts!!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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maia....I am so sorry. It is just tragic.
It has worn me down as a person, but I will stay strong for my girls. I too am blessed that so far they are just wonderful people and understand this awful disease much more than they should.
Tight, very tight, hugs to you. XXX
It has worn me down as a person, but I will stay strong for my girls. I too am blessed that so far they are just wonderful people and understand this awful disease much more than they should.
Tight, very tight, hugs to you. XXX
Good Lord.
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((((Hopeful4))))
Gentle hugs and many prayers for you, your friend, and especially for the children who are having to deal with issues no child should have a thought of.
May you all find peace, serenity, healing and much goodness in your lives. The journey is but one step at a time. You'll get there.
Gentle hugs and many prayers for you, your friend, and especially for the children who are having to deal with issues no child should have a thought of.
May you all find peace, serenity, healing and much goodness in your lives. The journey is but one step at a time. You'll get there.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I'm so sorry for your girls Hopeful, it sounds like he's on a spiral down & it's awful that your kids have to watch it, no matter how much you can minimize it. I think it's downright HEROIC that you drop everything & pick them up every. single. time. Yours is an unfortunate lesson on how the crazy doesn't end for the kids just because there's a divorce decree.
RAH's boss is currently away with his wife, defending themselves against child abuse claims brought about by her XAH. He convinced their son that he's being abused & had him file a complaint in his state so they'd have to fly there to defend themselves. It's a complete fabrication & no one has a clue what he expects to gain (well, I do - they don't understand addiction, I think he believes they'll have to pay him child support if he is given custody..... he's been living in a homeless shelter so, yeah, he's not exactly thinking rationally.... I think he's looking for some way to bankroll his DOC). Now he's had to close his business for several days & incur the cost of flying out of state to get this settled.
Boss is very hot under the collar at how this is going to impact his biz reputation as he is getting ready to open a new, very large operation. While I understand his POV, it's crappy to hear him talk about possibly leaving his wife over this - she's as much a victim as he is. Even worse - RAH having to talk him out of selling the son's big "toys" like his 4-wheeler, etc, to pay for the expenses of this ordeal. He's TEN & taking his stuff away because his bio-dad coerced him into filing charges isn't good parenting, imo. I begged RAH to explain to him that the boy doesn't need punishment, he needs counseling!
How devastating for your friend, omg, I have no words. ((((hugs))))
RAH's boss is currently away with his wife, defending themselves against child abuse claims brought about by her XAH. He convinced their son that he's being abused & had him file a complaint in his state so they'd have to fly there to defend themselves. It's a complete fabrication & no one has a clue what he expects to gain (well, I do - they don't understand addiction, I think he believes they'll have to pay him child support if he is given custody..... he's been living in a homeless shelter so, yeah, he's not exactly thinking rationally.... I think he's looking for some way to bankroll his DOC). Now he's had to close his business for several days & incur the cost of flying out of state to get this settled.
Boss is very hot under the collar at how this is going to impact his biz reputation as he is getting ready to open a new, very large operation. While I understand his POV, it's crappy to hear him talk about possibly leaving his wife over this - she's as much a victim as he is. Even worse - RAH having to talk him out of selling the son's big "toys" like his 4-wheeler, etc, to pay for the expenses of this ordeal. He's TEN & taking his stuff away because his bio-dad coerced him into filing charges isn't good parenting, imo. I begged RAH to explain to him that the boy doesn't need punishment, he needs counseling!
How devastating for your friend, omg, I have no words. ((((hugs))))
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Oh my gosh FS, that is absolutely horrible. My DD is almost 10, I cannot even imagine. People can be just truly awful. While my X is self centered and a drunk, he loves his kids as much as he is able to love anyone. It's not much, but it's something. Not more than the ol bottle of course, but I do know that in his icy little heart there is some love for them.
I have to admit, I am worn out. Being on the standby all the time has worn me down. I feel like I cannot make plans anymore b/c there is always that possibility they may need me, and the anxiety that goes with that. My eldest DD is almost 16 so in the future if they choose to go there she will have a vehicle there to use if I won't be readily around.
I really appreciate everyone's support. My friend is doing OK. He did leave a note, she has not read it yet. She has not decided if she even will as it won't change anything. The house was being cleaned today. It's just an awful situation.
I have to admit, I am worn out. Being on the standby all the time has worn me down. I feel like I cannot make plans anymore b/c there is always that possibility they may need me, and the anxiety that goes with that. My eldest DD is almost 16 so in the future if they choose to go there she will have a vehicle there to use if I won't be readily around.
I really appreciate everyone's support. My friend is doing OK. He did leave a note, she has not read it yet. She has not decided if she even will as it won't change anything. The house was being cleaned today. It's just an awful situation.
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