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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Nyinabo.....be aware that he may go into with drawl symptoms within a few hours.
Withdrawl without medical attention can be very dangerous---in addition to being agonizing for the alcoholic.
A doctor can give him medication to get him through.....or take him to an ER where they can treat him, also, and, maybe admit him until he is out of the woods.
I know you want him to quit....but I am sure that you wouldn't want him to suffer needlessly....or go into DTs or withdrawl seizures, etc.
dandylion
Withdrawl without medical attention can be very dangerous---in addition to being agonizing for the alcoholic.
A doctor can give him medication to get him through.....or take him to an ER where they can treat him, also, and, maybe admit him until he is out of the woods.
I know you want him to quit....but I am sure that you wouldn't want him to suffer needlessly....or go into DTs or withdrawl seizures, etc.
dandylion
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In fact I'm more concerned about myself! I think I'm in withdrawal from his affection. I don't know how long he's planning to be angry but I hope I don't crack. All this is opening my eyes to the fact he's only a loving husband when I let him drink.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hi Nyinabo, he's being passive-agressive with you, so it might be worth reflecting his behaviour back to him by saying 'you're freezing me out, why is that?' or similar. Being a recovering PA myself, bringing it out in the open is often the best way of dealing with it.
He's being PA because he's feeling the pain of withdrawal and feels resentful that he's been given an ultimatum not to drink at home. This is different from real recovery, where he wants to stop drinking for himself. Just saying this because it's likely he'll start hiding it from you, or may just dare you to throw him out by drinking openly.
Have a think about how you'll handle either of these situations.
He's being PA because he's feeling the pain of withdrawal and feels resentful that he's been given an ultimatum not to drink at home. This is different from real recovery, where he wants to stop drinking for himself. Just saying this because it's likely he'll start hiding it from you, or may just dare you to throw him out by drinking openly.
Have a think about how you'll handle either of these situations.
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Nyanibo......I do understand that you don't know exactly what to expect when a person quits drinking "cold turkey". So I think it is important for you to realize that many of the expectations you would normally have in a non-drinking situation with another person is turned topsy turvey when you are dealing with alcoholism.
The symptoms that the person goes through are both physical and psychic. The symptoms will vary with the individual---depending on how long and how much they have been drinking as well as their individual mental and physical make up.
But, be assured of this--you are asking him to do the hardest thing he has probably done in his entire life......
Like taking water from a fish....or oxygen away from you...
It feel like life or death to the alcoholic because they can't even imagine going without the thing that helps them feel normal...and to cope with life's pain.
Yes......he may be angry....or scared....and, like FeelingGreat suggested---especially if he is not ready to do it from within himself..to seek a better existence for himself. He is facing a very, very hard thing...so, he has to want it to stay motivated.
I can see that you have little idea what to expect for yourself, either. If he continues to get sober and go into recovery...you will have as m any changes as he does. Moreover, you will need a program of your own and tons of education and support.
I am no expert...but I have been around this sort of thing for many years. So...I will make a few comments that might be helpful for you , right now.
1. Give him all the space that he needs right now. Don't demand, nag, or harass him with the ways you want him to behave. Short of not allowing him to be abusive to you, of course. Do not be surprised if he is irritable, angry, or doesn't want to engage with you, He may pull away into himself---BUT, it isn't about you---it is about the fact that it is hard to live in his own skin, right now.
2. There is help available for him....and, if he wants to get better bad enough he will be willing to get it--he may not like it--but he will do it. There are doctors, and the emergency rooms. There is AA which is available to him at all times. They will open their arms to him in AA.
3. You can keep reading and learning. There is so much for you to learn and to know. You need to k now what to expect and what you are up against---no matter what he does---you need to have understanding of what you are struggling with, personally. Knowledge is power in this kind of situation.
I think it is insightful that you recognize that you may be in withdrawl from him...lol. You have, undoubtedly wrapped your l ife around his in order to try to control things....and, to get most of your good feelings through your relationship with him. You are going to have to bite the bullet a bit and give him space....lots of space.
4. Recover is a long process....and, putting down the bottle is just the first step. Through working his program...it takes months to a few years to begin to see the deep changes that are necessary to maintain sobriety.
These are a few things that I hope might help you to keep in mind.....
dandyylion
The symptoms that the person goes through are both physical and psychic. The symptoms will vary with the individual---depending on how long and how much they have been drinking as well as their individual mental and physical make up.
But, be assured of this--you are asking him to do the hardest thing he has probably done in his entire life......
Like taking water from a fish....or oxygen away from you...
It feel like life or death to the alcoholic because they can't even imagine going without the thing that helps them feel normal...and to cope with life's pain.
Yes......he may be angry....or scared....and, like FeelingGreat suggested---especially if he is not ready to do it from within himself..to seek a better existence for himself. He is facing a very, very hard thing...so, he has to want it to stay motivated.
I can see that you have little idea what to expect for yourself, either. If he continues to get sober and go into recovery...you will have as m any changes as he does. Moreover, you will need a program of your own and tons of education and support.
I am no expert...but I have been around this sort of thing for many years. So...I will make a few comments that might be helpful for you , right now.
1. Give him all the space that he needs right now. Don't demand, nag, or harass him with the ways you want him to behave. Short of not allowing him to be abusive to you, of course. Do not be surprised if he is irritable, angry, or doesn't want to engage with you, He may pull away into himself---BUT, it isn't about you---it is about the fact that it is hard to live in his own skin, right now.
2. There is help available for him....and, if he wants to get better bad enough he will be willing to get it--he may not like it--but he will do it. There are doctors, and the emergency rooms. There is AA which is available to him at all times. They will open their arms to him in AA.
3. You can keep reading and learning. There is so much for you to learn and to know. You need to k now what to expect and what you are up against---no matter what he does---you need to have understanding of what you are struggling with, personally. Knowledge is power in this kind of situation.
I think it is insightful that you recognize that you may be in withdrawl from him...lol. You have, undoubtedly wrapped your l ife around his in order to try to control things....and, to get most of your good feelings through your relationship with him. You are going to have to bite the bullet a bit and give him space....lots of space.
4. Recover is a long process....and, putting down the bottle is just the first step. Through working his program...it takes months to a few years to begin to see the deep changes that are necessary to maintain sobriety.
These are a few things that I hope might help you to keep in mind.....
dandyylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by dandylion
Nyanibo......I do understand that you don't know exactly what to expect when a person quits drinking "cold turkey". So I think it is important for you to realize that many of the expectations you would normally have in a non-drinking situation with another person is turned topsy turvey when you are dealing with alcoholism.
The symptoms that the person goes through are both physical and psychic. The symptoms will vary with the individual---depending on how long and how much they have been drinking as well as their individual mental and physical make up.
But, be assured of this--you are asking him to do the hardest thing he has probably done in his entire life......
Like taking water from a fish....or oxygen away from you...
It feel like life or death to the alcoholic because they can't even imagine going without the thing that helps them feel normal...and to cope with life's pain.
Yes......he may be angry....or scared....and, like FeelingGreat suggested---especially if he is not ready to do it from within himself..to seek a better existence for himself. He is facing a very, very hard thing...so, he has to want it to stay motivated.
I can see that you have little idea what to expect for yourself, either. If he continues to get sober and go into recovery...you will have as m any changes as he does. Moreover, you will need a program of your own and tons of education and support.
I am no expert...but I have been around this sort of thing for many years. So...I will make a few comments that might be helpful for you , right now.
1. Give him all the space that he needs right now. Don't demand, nag, or harass him with the ways you want him to behave. Short of not allowing him to be abusive to you, of course. Do not be surprised if he is irritable, angry, or doesn't want to engage with you, He may pull away into himself---BUT, it isn't about you---it is about the fact that it is hard to live in his own skin, right now.
2. There is help available for him....and, if he wants to get better bad enough he will be willing to get it--he may not like it--but he will do it. There are doctors, and the emergency rooms. There is AA which is available to him at all times. They will open their arms to him in AA.
3. You can keep reading and learning. There is so much for you to learn and to know. You need to k now what to expect and what you are up against---no matter what he does---you need to have understanding of what you are struggling with, personally. Knowledge is power in this kind of situation.
I think it is insightful that you recognize that you may be in withdrawl from him...lol. You have, undoubtedly wrapped your l ife around his in order to try to control things....and, to get most of your good feelings through your relationship with him. You are going to have to bite the bullet a bit and give him space....lots of space.
4. Recover is a long process....and, putting down the bottle is just the first step. Through working his program...it takes months to a few years to begin to see the deep changes that are necessary to maintain sobriety.
These are a few things that I hope might help you to keep in mind.....
dandyylion
The symptoms that the person goes through are both physical and psychic. The symptoms will vary with the individual---depending on how long and how much they have been drinking as well as their individual mental and physical make up.
But, be assured of this--you are asking him to do the hardest thing he has probably done in his entire life......
Like taking water from a fish....or oxygen away from you...
It feel like life or death to the alcoholic because they can't even imagine going without the thing that helps them feel normal...and to cope with life's pain.
Yes......he may be angry....or scared....and, like FeelingGreat suggested---especially if he is not ready to do it from within himself..to seek a better existence for himself. He is facing a very, very hard thing...so, he has to want it to stay motivated.
I can see that you have little idea what to expect for yourself, either. If he continues to get sober and go into recovery...you will have as m any changes as he does. Moreover, you will need a program of your own and tons of education and support.
I am no expert...but I have been around this sort of thing for many years. So...I will make a few comments that might be helpful for you , right now.
1. Give him all the space that he needs right now. Don't demand, nag, or harass him with the ways you want him to behave. Short of not allowing him to be abusive to you, of course. Do not be surprised if he is irritable, angry, or doesn't want to engage with you, He may pull away into himself---BUT, it isn't about you---it is about the fact that it is hard to live in his own skin, right now.
2. There is help available for him....and, if he wants to get better bad enough he will be willing to get it--he may not like it--but he will do it. There are doctors, and the emergency rooms. There is AA which is available to him at all times. They will open their arms to him in AA.
3. You can keep reading and learning. There is so much for you to learn and to know. You need to k now what to expect and what you are up against---no matter what he does---you need to have understanding of what you are struggling with, personally. Knowledge is power in this kind of situation.
I think it is insightful that you recognize that you may be in withdrawl from him...lol. You have, undoubtedly wrapped your l ife around his in order to try to control things....and, to get most of your good feelings through your relationship with him. You are going to have to bite the bullet a bit and give him space....lots of space.
4. Recover is a long process....and, putting down the bottle is just the first step. Through working his program...it takes months to a few years to begin to see the deep changes that are necessary to maintain sobriety.
These are a few things that I hope might help you to keep in mind.....
dandyylion
Day 6 of no drinking and you're completely right about him pulling away and going into himself. I don't think he's ever watched so many films. It's hard to get a word out of him. I'm in a different room trying to look after myself...reading, singing, drinking tea. But dare I say...I'm bored?!!??!
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It's been so interesting to read through all the different threads and hear similar stories to my own. I can see how I've built my life around his, to the point where I have nothing to do now that he's not drinking.
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