Bookaboo2

Sitting here on the beach watching my niece's and nephews swim. It's a really nice day I see the many families out enjoying the weather. Today I decided that I want my normal life back minus my ABF. Don't get it me wrong am not perfect by any means. But the things I want in life is a man that doesn't destroy his whole life bc of ETOH. I miss being with a man who puts me first heck I miss having a sex life. Always thought one of the perks of having a long term relationship was having some sort of sex life.Not only does my ABF not want to spend time with me but we don't have sex. B4 he relapsed he had a low sex drive now it's all the way gone. Yesterday I asked him how many days has he had sober. (something I don't ask often) He told me he didn't know I knew then he will nvr get better. At least not enough for me. I desire a person who is not consumed by the thoughts of etoh all the time. Today my ABF became my eXABF in my heart of hearts I know am doing the right thing. This is gonna be hard bc I hve allowed myself to become very codependent on him although none of my needs were being met. Am going to approach this on a day by day basis. Am tired of being in relationship and not getting anything back in return. I was told this makes me selfish bc when a person hit's their lowest you shouldn't runaway. I guess am selfish then. Wish me luck in sticking to this decision. It takes 21 days to create change and to make it into a habit. The first seven days are usually the hardest.

dandylion

gcolma....I think one of the stumbling blocks that triggers soo much guilt in those who try so hard to "do the right thing" is not realizing that the usual rules about how we should behave in relationships.....that we were taught, growing up....are intended for normal healthy relationships. Most of them cannot work in an addictive relationship. Alcoholism turns those rules topsy turvy!

"At their lowest" is one thing when a person has hit a tough spot and are trying their hardest to overcome. It is another when a person is self destructive and hell bent on destroying themselves and all of those around them.

Sooo...knock it off with the wrongly assigned self guilt. ....lol.

Quickly....make a list of all the reason that you need to put him in your rear view mirror. All the worst aspects of the relationship for YOU. Keep it with you at all times. Read it over and over, whenever necessary.
It is one thing to think thoughts of taking back your own power when you are sitting in the solitude and serentiy of the beach....but, the knees can get weak
under daily circumstances........I"m just saying.....

You can do this.

dandylion

Bookaboo2

I made my list right after reading your passage. Am gonna need it this is gonna be tough but I deserve better an am ready for the madness 5o end

dandylion

This is good news!!!! Have you read "Co-Dependent No More?"
If not.....treat yourself....this would be the perfect timing.....

dandylion

Bookaboo2

I started reading it yes it's hard accept the truth about myself within that book.

dandylion

Good!......that you are reading it. Maybe it is al ready helping (subconsciously) more than you realize......
I read it two or three different times....getting more and different stuff each time....

Someone on here used to have the byline: "There is seldom pulling back the curtains on reality without the presence of some pain".
It is worth it, though.....because it is the truth that shall set y ou free.....

dandylion