Lilro

Good god what was I thinking??
After 3 months of being separated I have agreed to meet my Xabf for a talk. So tonight at approximately 1900 est I will be rolling my eyes? Listening to nonsense? Listening to Quacking? Happy that hopefully he has decided to seek treatment? I'm not sure.... Talk about nerve wracking!!
What I do know for sure?? I'm going to look as smoking hot as I can for someone who tossed and turned all night. Lol. I know what I want to hear..I know what I need to see... Anything other than is just not going to cut it. This should be fun.... NOT!

firebolt

Good luck - always hoping the best for them.

For you - BS shields on high alert, self love and care in the forefront of your mind.

maia1234

L- Keep your witts, don't get agitated. When you show emotion, it shows that you care. Let him speak and you sit and listen. We only create our own messes when we open our mouths.

Its his recovery, you are already working on yours. Hugs my friend, I hope it goes the way you want it to, but don't be disappointed.

AnvilheadII

also the only person i know that can CHANGE in under three months time is Clark Kent in a phone booth. keep your expectations LOW....and be careful of hearing what you WANT to hear.....don't give his words too much power.....ignore the L word if it comes.....good luck.

jjj111

Maybe it would be a good idea to look at your old posts before you head out? I see there a repeated pattern of you allow contact, he whines, argues, and blames you for all his problems, you regret breaking NC and cut him off again. It's never too late to get off the roller coaster ride, plans can be canceled!

BoxinRotz

And why are you going to meet again?

Lilro

Maia1234.. Unfortunately agitation shows on my face but YES, I will keep my mouth shut.

Anvil...he ain't no Clark Kent sista. Thank you, I will keep my expectations lower than low.

I have "heard" so many things over the years that at this point he sounds like Charlie Browns teacher. It's action I'm looking for...

Thank you ladies...

Lilro

Jjj... I know... I'm starting to question myself as to who the sick one is here....

Boxin....I'm not sure, I guess I will find out.

Wish I didn't love this guy! How much easier would that be??

jjj111

I know with my AXBF that part of what kept me hooked were the highs and lows. The thrill of reunion, the anger and agony of the fight, the despair of missing him, the thrill of reunion, etc. Who needs drugs when you can get your highs and lows from just loving an addict?

Sounds like you're definitely in reunion-thrill mode. Your nerves are wracked, you're counting down, you're planning your sexy outfit and anticipating his attraction to you. You can try all you want to keep your expectations low, but sounds to me like you're putting yourself through the wringer again.

BoxinRotz

I just read through your threads you started, only the thread starter n nothing no one else posted nor follow ups from you and I just can't help but think this guy wants to hit a home run n make you feel like this is all your fault, his life sucks because of you leaving and well, PITY POOR ME!

Do you really want to be with a guy like this? Do you really?!

5 years is NOTHING compared to a lifetime.

And before he tells you he's been sober you just remember this. A pickle will always be a pickle. It can never be a cucumber again. Think about that.

Refiner

Can't wait for your update! Me thinks there will be plenty of eye rolling.

AnvilheadII

since you said on 7/27 that you had blocked him for two weeks, how did he contact you to set up this meeting?

and by the way, you can change your mind and NOT go.

Lilro

J- you are more than likely correct! I am putting myself through the wringer again. It didn't end well... Thrill??? No, I wouldn't say that. Do I miss his face? Yes. No sexy outfits here...too old for that game, just don't want to look like a wet dishrag. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt or I will always wonder.. Stupid, I know!

Box- if he does the poor me routine the last thing he will see of me is my fat ass walking away.

Refiner- me too!

Anvil- I did block him...was tired of taking the blame for our split. I thought after 3 weeks of not hearing a return anything from me he would get the message. Unblocked and this is where I am.
Thank you ladies for all your input! I know whatever you tell me is out of concern...and been there, done that's. So glad I have all of you to connect with!
And away I go.....

LexieCat

Good luck, and keep a highly skeptical head on your shoulders. Let him get well on HIS dime, not yours.

"Good luck, if you've been sober for a year, look me up. Depending on what's going on in my life, maybe we can talk then."

BoxinRotz

You do not have to give him anything. And you shouldn't. I think deep down inside you are holding on to something you wish were there but is not. A feeling, a wish, a desire, something.... Something that he does not have nor could he provide.

I mean yea... I wish you well tonight on your excursion.

Lilro

Ok.. So here's my update 3 days later.... Please take it easy on me ladies, I'm feeling down in the dumps today.

He looks unlike "my guy" that I left 3 months ago.
He has not started any kind of treatment plan other than seeing his Primary & psych doctors, one of which wrote him a script for Antibuse which he has not filled.
He told me he loves and misses me and we were supposed to be spending the rest of our lives together. SMH.
He understands that his drinking is the reason we are not together and asked me to give him some time to get himself together, to please not give up on him.
I kept my cool and let him speak, then I told him the things I expected to happen if we were to ever try to make the relationship work, we hugged, said our I love you'd and I came home.
This morning he called to see how I was. Spoke for a few minutes. In conversation he tells me he was going to an estate sale with a buddy of his and then they were going to go for some " wings & beers". I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach, once again. I can't! I can't!!!!! I am sooo upset. I called him back and let him have it!! NO! WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!!! Why did you call me? What are you doing? Do you not see how much you have hurt me? Meanwhile, I'm crying and hes apologizing for upsetting me. Am I suppossed to wait around like an ass for him to decide what's important to him?? Seriously??? I'm back to square one. And I'm pissed at myself for allowing it. Lies...lies...and more lies.......
Ok.. I'm ready...please be kind.

jjj111

The hardest part about getting off the roller coaster for me was that it was much easier to remember why I wanted off at the low points than the high points. When he'd just disappointed me or done something terrible, I realized how destructive the relationship was. But when we were in that "let's talk, maybe we can figure something out" stage, that was the high point of the roller coaster, the anticipation that maybe things were finally going to work out made it much harder to remember why the roller coaster was a terrible place to be. One thing that helped me was to write a list of all the terrible things he did and look at it when I started missing him or felt tempted to allow contact.

Lilro

Thank you J. I will be making that list today.

Liveitwell

Sending you hugs, friend. I've so been there. Many times. He may not get better but you can and move on. Peace to you

Refiner

You're back to square one of what? You two are no longer an item, so I think most of us here are baffled as to why you even met up with him. Do you mean you actually met up with him with the hopes he was clean and sober, in a recovery program, and would be begging to get you back? Well, that didn't happen, did it. He is who he is and wants some wings and beers, it's not like he's trying to be someone he's not in order to "win" you back. Honestly when I read your background I thought he was probably in his early 20's at the most then saw where you said you're 51 so he's most likely around the same age. He is who he is, I'm afraid.