Staying OFF the Roller-Coaster Ride
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 2
Staying OFF the Roller-Coaster Ride
Hello. My story is similar to many I have read and it is comforting as well as disturbing. I guess I am happy not be alone in this. I am 53 and have been in a relationship with a 61 year old alcoholic for a year and a half. It started wonderfully, of course. It was fun and exciting and he was everything I had ever hoped to have in a relationship. Then, after I moved in with him 5 months later, things began to go downhill. I lived with him for a year and 2 months. I just moved out July 1st. It was one of the most difficult things I have done. My boyfriend actually stayed sober for an entire week before I left and he promised he would continue. You know it didn't last long though. So over the past month that I have been gone, we have talked, texted, seen each other twice and spent the night once. Some of that included positive things which gave me a lot of hope for our relationship, only to be followed with negative comments/manipulations that has kept me on that roller-coaster ride even though I left because I knew I was becoming co-dependent and needed to get myself together.
I even had hope after he blew me off in a text for a dinner date...that is, until he drunk texted me several days later. It began as a seemingly nice text, but suddenly changed to one where he was particularly sarcastic and disrespectful. It blew me away because I truly believed he wouldn't talk to me that way any longer. Yes, he did it many times while I was with him.
At this point, I am glad he sent that rude text because it has opened my eyes to how bad the behaviors have become. He can "behave" for lack of a better word, for several weeks, but he tends to lull me into conversations and then suddenly turn them into arguments that are my fault. It is astounding how masterfully he can do this! I was trying not to react to the text, but I broke down and wrote back and pretty much told him that it showed how much he disrespected and disliked me and that I have had enough of that behavior. Told him I had hope up until that text, but that now I did not. I know that I should have kept my mouth closed, but this has been building for a couple of weeks due to a previous nasty text he sent to me.
I am ready to end this relationship for good because I know it is going nowhere and driving me nuts! I need to learn why I am codependent and go back to the drawing board because I have been somewhere close to 'here' before. I am heartbroken over this, but he and I are going to have a conversation soon when I go get the rest of my belongings and I am afraid I will break down and not put an end to the relationship.
This past month walking around my own apartment with my own belongings doing my own thing and not seeing him drink a bottle of wine at 9 o'clock in the morning, another at 2pm and then one or two more in the evening, has been such a relief. I am in and out of grief and bitterness and trying to be positive about things. I know it's a process and I will honor that, but I am really needing to find the strength to hold strong with ending this ridiculous ride...Thanks for listening.
I even had hope after he blew me off in a text for a dinner date...that is, until he drunk texted me several days later. It began as a seemingly nice text, but suddenly changed to one where he was particularly sarcastic and disrespectful. It blew me away because I truly believed he wouldn't talk to me that way any longer. Yes, he did it many times while I was with him.
At this point, I am glad he sent that rude text because it has opened my eyes to how bad the behaviors have become. He can "behave" for lack of a better word, for several weeks, but he tends to lull me into conversations and then suddenly turn them into arguments that are my fault. It is astounding how masterfully he can do this! I was trying not to react to the text, but I broke down and wrote back and pretty much told him that it showed how much he disrespected and disliked me and that I have had enough of that behavior. Told him I had hope up until that text, but that now I did not. I know that I should have kept my mouth closed, but this has been building for a couple of weeks due to a previous nasty text he sent to me.
I am ready to end this relationship for good because I know it is going nowhere and driving me nuts! I need to learn why I am codependent and go back to the drawing board because I have been somewhere close to 'here' before. I am heartbroken over this, but he and I are going to have a conversation soon when I go get the rest of my belongings and I am afraid I will break down and not put an end to the relationship.
This past month walking around my own apartment with my own belongings doing my own thing and not seeing him drink a bottle of wine at 9 o'clock in the morning, another at 2pm and then one or two more in the evening, has been such a relief. I am in and out of grief and bitterness and trying to be positive about things. I know it's a process and I will honor that, but I am really needing to find the strength to hold strong with ending this ridiculous ride...Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
may I suggest taking someone with you when you pick up the rest of your belongings? or make arrangements for someone else to pick them up?
No new contact = no new hurt.
What is there to say? He has shown you who he is with his bad behavior. These behaviors just do not evaporate because you are no longer living with him. I can assure you nothing about this situation has changed.
Even knowing you are making the right choice, will not lessen the hurt. I am sorry you are going thru this.
No new contact = no new hurt.
What is there to say? He has shown you who he is with his bad behavior. These behaviors just do not evaporate because you are no longer living with him. I can assure you nothing about this situation has changed.
Even knowing you are making the right choice, will not lessen the hurt. I am sorry you are going thru this.
Broken Heart of Gold
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 87
No advice or words of wisdom as I am in a very similar situation where I'm working hard at staying away but wanted to say - I'm sorry you're going through this! I don't wish an alcoholic on my worst enemy
I am anxious about picking my stuff up from my axbf's tomorrow - relieved for the closure but don't want to see him!
I hope you find the strength to stay away for good and to move on to allow positive, healthy relationships in your life.
I am anxious about picking my stuff up from my axbf's tomorrow - relieved for the closure but don't want to see him! I hope you find the strength to stay away for good and to move on to allow positive, healthy relationships in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 2
All good points Marie1960...I could wait to get the things for when he goes to visit his daughter and is not there. I still have a key. Thankfully, he is not violent. Yet he is a smooth talker and can drag me into conversations...definitely better if he wasn't there.
I don't either BlackSabbath!! Good luck to you picking up your stuff. Moving on would be great...other relationships...maybe not
I don't either BlackSabbath!! Good luck to you picking up your stuff. Moving on would be great...other relationships...maybe not
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