To sell or not to sell
 

I have been divorced from my AH for almost two years. I am currently staying in what used to be our marital residence. Per our decree, I need to decide whether to refinance or sell and I'm so torn.

The mortgage is hefty. And while I could bear it, I'm not sure I want to. However, I am so close to my parents who are my strong support team. It's my dream home that we built together before things took a big turn for the worst. I love my home and it's location.

Part of me wants to move. The memories (some good, some bad) are all around me. Staying makes me wonder "WHY?" he made the decision to leave me, his daughter, our dream home, our dog for his drinking, cheating lifestyle. I simply don't get it.

I'm angry that this decision has been forced upon me due to the decisions of my ex. But I would love any input from others that had to leave behind a dream home or have decided to stay and move forward. Thanks.

From one who has dabbled in real-estate and living for the last 26 years in what to me is my (our) dream home.

I say try your very best so as to keep your dream home.

You may regret it forever if you let it go.

I bought out my ex-wife 24 years ago.
Kept this house going on my own for a long time.
Remarried 10 years ago to a sweet third school teacher.
We together love this home.
We would never be able to replace it for the original investment made.

MM

Refinance. If it doesn't work out you can always move later and hopefully just be out the refinance fees. Don't make a quick decision on leaving your dream home and dream location.
P.S. As our parents age, being close and becoming their support person becomes an invaluable asset.

I'm very much affected by the associations I make with my surroundings. I don't think *I* would care to stay in a house that had bad memories--I'd prefer to be in a new place that would make me feel like it's truly my own.

That's me, though. It might make sense from a financial or practical standpoint to stay put. If that's so and it won't bring you down emotionally to stay there, then stay put.

Loved this house when I lived here with my ex

And I'm loving it with my new wife.

She was a city girl who just loves living in the country with all of her animals and the peace and quiet.

Homes have been increasing in value for some time now. Hopefully your buy out figure was set a while back.

Mountainman

I would need some more info before responding to this. Plus I am sort of in the leave the house category.

You said you would have to refinance. Did you check all of this out with the interest rates, and how much equity you have in the house. Do you have to split the equity in the house with the ex? What is the market like in your area? If you sold the house would you have a decent down payment for a different house? Are your children school age? Could you find another house in the same school district, which is also close to your family?

Like I said I am very jaded in this. I had a house that was 2000 sf. I was only allowed about 400 sf of it. The rest was "his" territory. I wouldn't have been able to live with that ghost. I didn't want to hear his voice anymore about what I could or couldn't do, what I could put up on the walls, ( I wasn't allowed to put holes in the walls to hang a picture. I was allowed to use the den, the garage, sometimes the bathroom, the kitchen only to cook, and sometimes my bedroom. I couldn't even use the deck, he was always out there "waiting for me". I left that house with just my clothing, and kitchen stuff. I asked about the furniture, he told me he got rid of it. I realized I wouldn't have even wanted that. I would have saw him there. (lol)

You're divorced for 2 years now, how is the house making you feel? Do you feel OK there? It is a personal choice. I just know I couldn't do it. My house was sold. I got equity of $3000 from it. Market was low. I drove past it one time, never really missed it. It was my dream house.

amy

1. is the house a sellable/marketable item? can you get asking price?
2. if you sell this house, then where do you go? what is the plan? buy a new home? do you have the $$ for that? what is your price range?
3. can you refi for a full 2 points lower in rate?
4. if you do refi, how long do you plan on staying? if you do another 30 year mortgage that is a LONG time.
5. if you truly LOVE it, then stay.

Yeah, of course you have to consider all the financial ramifications, BUT with that said, I'm with Lexie on this one.

I wanted a clean slate, with no memories. I also didn't want to have to do all the upkeep on a large house so I moved to a smaller place where it is just mine, no memories and less maintenance. Costs me less, and I have more time.

Also, if I had gotten into a relationship, I don't think I would agree to move into a house with a man who had bought it for another marriage. I'm not sure about that one, since it hasn't happened. I do like clean starts, though.

I even threw away almost everything I/we bought while married; clothing, linens, dishes, knick knacks. I don't like to touch or see something in my own home and be reminded of him.

Pookie, carefully investigate the options from a financial angle; how much will refinancing cost, real estate outlook, maintenance costs, payment levels and so on, factoring in the chance of an interest rate rise.
Once you have a clear picture of the financial implications of both options you can make your decision based on emotion, but fully informed. Don't forget to plan very carefully for your financial future right up to retirement, even if you're young.

FeelingGreat gives very good advice. It is amazing how quickly our "dream homes" can become horrible, hateful nooses around our necks when our finances tighten. That happened to me and one of the the best days of my life was when we finally were able to sell it. I now live in a smaller, more manageable, artsy, easy to maintain home that I absolutely love, however from my previous experience, I have learned that houses are just things and it is best to remain relatively unattached to "things."

I left my dream home after my husband left my daughter and I.

I decided to sell for financial reasons, and to also move closer to my parents as I was pretty isolated where I was. If it wasn't for those two reasons, I probably would have stayed b/c I didn't think the memories bothered me that much, however, now I am in my new home I can say that living somewhere different has done a lot for my emotional wellbeing. I barely think about my husband anymore, I am just living my life. I feel really positive. I didn't realise how depressing it was staying in that house.

The other thing that factored in my decision making was that my old house was old and required/would require a lot of maintenance in the future. On my own, that is something I wouldn't be able manage financially or logistically.

I have no regrets!