megsykreeg

So I laid out guidelines in June that my Ah agreed to follow. We would read the bible every day, he would go to meetings regularly, meet with a counselor once a wk, call someone every day for accountability, and if I ever wanted to test him he couldn't refuse a breathalyzer. I told him if he broke one he couldn't live with us. He broke them all. Now he's telling me he didn't drink and I'm being ridiculous. I know he drank Friday night. I was terrified driving in the car with him. He was swerving and got lost going somewhere we've been hundreds of times. I left him forty minutes from our house. Two hrs later I got a call from the police to bring him home. I asked if he was intoxicated and they said yes. I told them he could not come home then. So they took him yo a hotel. A friend went to try to talk to him but he wouldn't open the door. The girl at the front desk said he was so drunk he could barely stand. Still he claims he didn't drink. I picked him up Saturday morning and gave him just his car keys so he could go to work. Took his wallet and house keys. He called me that afternoon asking if he could come home I told him only if he did the right thing and he needed to call someone I trusted to decide if it was safe for him to come home. He showed up at the house anyway. I wasn't home yet. He said he was going yo a meeting. Then txtd me some story about a dance going on abc there was no meeting. Then tried to come home again. This time I was home. He tried to say he would come I. Only to pack clothes and leave right away. I told him he could only come in if someone else was here with me. He left and txtd me that he had to sleep in his car. I told him to call someone for help. He chose not to and slept in his car. The next morning he moved cash in the bank accts. Then txtd me he wanted a divorce. Txtd my dad that he won and was an intolerable a**hole. Txtd me very awful things all day. Then face timed me later. Tried yo apologize all while insisting he didn't drink. Then wanted yo see his daughter. I shouldn't have let him talk to her. Then we got disconnected. I tried to call him right back but he didn't answer. Then txtd me nothing or called again for the rest of the night. I checked the phone records before bed and he called an escort. I txtd him that I knew what he had done. And his only response was ok it's over. I'm so heartbroken and feel thrown away.

huntingtontx

I know it hurts, but you drew a line in the sand and he crossed over. It is hard to let go, and there is no easy way to go through what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry you are going through this.

happybeingme

I am so sorry about this all. But, you made the right choice. Be firm in your resolve

LucyGoosey

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I remember this kind of craziness. I experienced similar things.

Take care of your daughter and yourself. You did the right thing.

Kboys

I'm so sorry (((Megsy))))
This all sounds so familiar to me. It is so heartbreaking.
Stay strong and take care of you and your babies!

LexieCat

Well, you gave him a bunch of rules to follow. But what was your boundary for yourself? You can't force him to be sober. So how do you build a happy life for yourself, given that he isn't about to quit drinking?

Those are the questions you need to focus on right now.

megsykreeg

I'm focusing on my kids and the joy they bring me.

Liveitwell

I'm so sorry, megsy. He's doing what he wants to do-in typical alcoholic fashion. Prayers to you and your kids. I've been where you are and it isn't pretty. God has you!

ladyscribbler

Are you dependent on his income? If he is moving money out of bank accounts, you need to take steps to protect yourself financially. Have you spoken to a lawyer about your rights- to the house, bank accounts, etc.
He could put you in a really bad financial situation if he's on a bender hiring escorts, blowing through savings and racking up credit card debt.
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.

maybear

My heart goes out to you.

I hope you get off this roller coaster soon and start to see that you and your children deserve so much more.

LexieCat

What ladyscribbler said. It's fine to "focus" on the joy your children give you, from an emotional standpoint, but there are many practical steps you can take to secure your future, and theirs. Getting good information and advice from professionals can make a huge difference if you find yourself raising them alone. Incidentally, breathalyzing a partner is a bad idea on a lot of fronts. The only time I think it makes sense is in visitation situations where it's part of a court order. Otherwise, you become the "booze police" and that isn't good for either one of you.

megsykreeg

I have protected myself financially. Not spoken to lawyer yet but I know already what my rights are.

LexieCat

Really? Are you an attorney? I am, and I still would go for legal advice because the nuances of divorce and custody are not my area of expertise. The only time I divorced someone WITHOUT legal advice was where I had a marriage that lasted only several months, no joint property, little joint debt, and no kids. When I divorced my kids' dad, who had been sober for 15 years and was a good, trustworthy man, we both got legal advice so we didn't inadvertently have the law applied in a way that was inconsistent with what we wanted.

My last breakup did not involve a marriage, but we owned property together in a way that could have landed me in disaster. I got SIGNIFICANT legal advice on disentangling that situation--two lawyers were ultimately involved, one a family law expert and the other a real estate expert.

It's a lot more complicated than you probably think.

Refiner

Megsy, unless you have a legal separation in placre to protect you financially, he could personally RUIN you in a very short time. And by the way he sounds, he could be well on his way to doing just that. What do you mean you know what your rights are? Also, everything you laid out for him were your "rules" for him. Of course he broke them all, he wants to drink! Boundaries are for you. I applaud you for not letting him in the house, but please watch the careless and vindictive sabatoge he sounds very capable of.

AnvilheadII

correct if i am wrong, but didn't you two JUST buy a new house together?

Sungrl

I know he drank Friday night. I was terrified driving in the car with him. He was swerving and got lost going somewhere we've been hundreds of times.


Also, if this happens again, YOU take the keys and tell him you are driving, No sense in him hurting you or someone else if you know he is wasted.

Liveitwell

Megsy-see an attorney and realize this man is capable of anything to protect himself (his drinking and his behaviors coming to light). My ex siphoned money from our accounts, stalked me, harassed me, threatened me-all things I never in a million years thought he would do-I didn't think he was capable of those thinfs. He was and it was awful. Please protect yourself-we are telling you this bc we have been there!!

dandylion

Megsy.....I want to mention something that you already may have thought of.......but, It is something that everyone should keep in mind.
If he is involved with outside liazons.....make sure that you protect yourself from possible STDs.

One of l ife's realities, you know.....

dandylion

megsykreeg

Honestly lexicat
I have done a ton of research. I'm not going to give up on my husband. I chose to fight for my marriage. I do not plan on getting a divorce and do not appreciate ur harsh ton. Since u have been thru this u should know what an extremely difficult time this is. I really would appreciate everyone only giving helpful support and advice.

megsykreeg

The good thing about money is the savings account is in my name so he can't get at it. I changed the bank user name and password so he won't know it and can't get in.

Unfortunately we did just buy a house which could damage my credit in the long run. It's not even been a wk though so I'm not there yet with those issues.

Also he had five years of sobriety before his mom died so I know he can do it again. This isn't him.

Yes I have thought about std and it scares me. I'm not sure if it was an actual meet or phone thing. There were several txtd back and forth. I do plan on addressing it though should he decide to change. I'll make him get tested.