worriedinok

People on here talk about leaving their significant other or their spouses but how do you let go and not help your child. When you feel somewhat responsible because of the abuse from her father when she was younger. So frustrated. She has been drinking mouthwash the last couple of weeks. When does it get better.

happybeingme

It gets better when she is sick and tired of being sick and tired. If she ever does. You don't have to abandon her. But, if she is an adult she must be responsible for her life. If that means putting her on the street than that is what you do. Harsh? I don't think so. I have kids myself. My youngest and I have been locked in a battle over the unfairness of life and how that is just too bad. I recently told him he has to start paying rent or find his own place. It has been a fight but he is 21 , working and it's time he starts helping defray his expenses. Same holds true for your daughter.

She wants to drink herself to death that is her right. But, it doesn't mean she gets to mooch off you or make your life hell while she is doing it.

Thomas45

It gets better when your daughter decides that she is ready for change.

LexieCat

Does your daughter WANT help? If not, I know of no way to force her to accept help.

I don't know how old she is, but if she's an adult she has a right to her own choices, however difficult that may be to accept.

I strongly suggest you find some Al-Anon meetings. You will meet other parents who understand what you are dealing with, and help you to get the focus on you and the rest of your family, rather than allowing the "problem child" to suck up your time, money, emotional resources, and happiness.

I've been around AA for over 35 years, when my first husband got sober, and I've been sober for almost 7 years, myself. I know a lot of alcoholics who finally recovered when other people stopped making it easy for them to indulge their addiction.

DesertEyes

Hello worried, and pleased to "meet" you.

We have a number of "sticky" posts that deal with exactly how to stay with your "qualifier". It involves things like "Boundaries", not "Enabling", etc. These apply to any family member, whether it be child, parent or spouse.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...es-advice.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

There is a _lot_ you can do, but the catch is that it's very difficult to do it alone. Which is why everybody recommends, al-anon, therapy, etc.

The al-anon steps deal with exactly that kind of guilt. It's under the section on "inventory" and "ammends".

For your daughter or for you? It gets better for her when she decides to get into recovery. It will get better for you the same way it got better for all of us on this board. When you find your own "recovery", in whatever form works for you.

Mike

worriedinok

Well to answer some questions she is 27 and she has almost a 2 year old son and they both live with us. If it wasn't for him she might be on the street.