bahookie

Hi there

I don't really know how to put this.

Things are going well between me and my recovering (10 year- nearly 11 sobriety)A partner. We're enjoying each other and some of the barriers I'm sure you're all familiar with are coming down. It feels like I'm with a real person rather than one that's hiding most of the time, or trying to blame me for everything from the colour of the sky to not changing the toilet paper roll.
Some of this is, I'm sure, to do with my changed attitudes and my refusal to be drawn into the insanity, but some of it is due to her changing too.
So, all this good news and I feel worse than ever. I know I'm in a bad way when I can't sleep properly; I wake at least 5 times a night and feel like sh** in the mornings.
I'm trying to live one day at a time and appreciate the good times, and I think on the surface I am, but obviously something it dragging me down.

How do I get over the fear that all the progress we've made is fleeting, and that all the madness will start again?
It seems easy to tell myself to trust but hard to do it when I've been on the rollercoaster so many times.
Also, she's started smoking cannabis almost every night. That's not sober, is it? And the stupid thing is, I'm rolling it for her because she can't! I haven't smoked it since I was about 16 and it made me sick!
If I refused to roll it for her all this nice atmosphere would go away, because I would be judging her.

I need a good night's sleep!!!!!

J
Ps yes, I've just read the "judging her" bit and realise how pathetic it sounds

splendra

bahookie-

It sounds like you need to work on yourself.... If it bothers you to roll her pot than stop!!!! If you are doing things that seem wrong to you I guess it could cause you to loose sleep. As I codie myself I know I have done things that I did not agree with just to keep the peace or, so I thought and I found myself loosing sleep and being unable to eat. We have to have good boundries. Boundries keep us sane. There are some very good threads on boundries here check them out!!!

BTW:If she is smoking pot that is not sober!!!

Magichappens

Hey Bahookie,
It is understandable to get comfortable with sobriety. We hope the insanity never returns. But we married people who are alcoholics and addicts. The reality is that they can slip. It's not a pleasant reality, but one we have to accept. We can't control it, we can't cure it, and we don't cause it. It doesn't matter how much time in sobriety, it can happen.

That is why we have to be so diligent about our own recovery. It is easy to work our program when it is easy. But whatever challenges come our way, that is when we see how we are really doing. Struggle is part of life.

I had 16 years of not having to deal with active addiction. I am grateful for it. But now I am working even harder on my own recovery. It hasn't been easy, but there has been a lot of growth for me. There was a period of shock and denial, but because of Al-Anon it didn't pull me down too far.

Keep reaching out. You aren't alone. And this too shall pass. Probably not as fast as you'd like, but it will. Take care of you. Hugs, Magic