lizatola

Since we can't actually post what the other person said word for word, I can only say that my XAH apologized to me in a text message and said that he was going to start working on himself. He ended it by saying, "I hope this finds you well."

Whatever. You know, I'm all for accepting the apology for how he's been throwing vile abusive crap at me for the past 3 months, and I'm all for forgiveness, but I will not let this sway my decision to hire a lawyer to get him to liquidate his 401k and to 'encourage' him to make his payments to me on time. I think it's interesting that he apologized the same day that I threatened further legal action.

I also found out that my son has seen his father drinking at 2AM and another night he was woken up at 3 AM by the XAH playing the drums in the middle of the night. My XAH told our son, "Don't tell mom or she'll haul my rear back into court and I'll lose custody of us forever."

Yep, I'll forgive him. I'll stay on my side of the street and keep my side clean. But, I will not forget what he has accused me of and how he has treated me for the past 3 months. I can't. At least, not for now. I wish him well, I always have, and I even pray for him. Maybe he really means it but for now, I keep my distance and I turn him over to his own Higher Power.

Eddiebuckle

Should his actions consistently align with the sentiment of the text, it would be worth considering. Doesn't seem to be the case at this point.

Liveitwell

I've heard many apologies-all were meant to keep me married to him and not leave. Nothing to do with actually being sorry. I hope yours is different and that you put measures in place to protect your little after divirce. Maybe he will actually change??? Who knows-not YOUR problem!

lizatola

Yes, I've heard other apologies before: I think the last one was right before I filed back in April. Either way, I just need to co-parent with the man now, I have no feelings towards him except for compassion and I pray that he finds sobriety some day. His life is his own.

FeelingGreat

It would be wise to ignore the words, and look at the actions, and in his case, the words seem to coincide with you taking action against him.

minime13

That is the habit they form and the habit you let them form when you were in the relationship with them. Not judging - it's natural to apologize and then accept an apology in a normal relationship.

When you know and acknowledge that it is over and move on, they don't necessarily acknowledge it, and will still try the same strategy that worked for them in the past.

Glad you can see the pattern, and that you are not falling for it. Just be prepared for backlash when he realizes it didn't work this time.

lizatola

And the backlash today? XAH didn't pick up our son for school today (just a few hours of math tutoring actually) and the school called me to find out where they were. Long story short, I wound up calling in a well check visit on him and I sent him a message telling him I would do so. 2 hours later, he texts our son and acts like all is well.

Sometimes I hate the disease and today was definitely one of those days!

Pebbles2012

I had a similar situation with my wife. There was always damage control the day after when she drank and took out everything on me. After yrs of this I told her I was sick of apologies. I'm sorry you are going through the same issues. Unbelievable that a relationship that had such promise can be killed a slow painful death by addiction. It's no wonder that very little contact with the addict is so liberating.

lizatola

Yes, and it's unfortunate that I have to raise a special needs child with this one. I feel like I'm always on edge trying to keep my job yet keep my son healthy and secure despite the fact that he's 16. Life is hard and dealing with a crazy alcoholic makes it harder.

hopeful4

Amen. However, YOU are doing all the right things. Keep on keeping on.

Many hugs!

Praying

"I'm going to..."

Interesting phrasing, I think...

You're doing great!