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Old 08-03-2015, 01:03 AM
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Hello

Hello,

I read this forum frequently and love all the collective wisdom. I was a member before but I covered my tracks so well I ended up having to create a new profile.

Anyway I am currently separated from AH and have been for 2 years minus a very brief and disastrous attempt at reconciliation. My head knows it is time to file but my heart hasn't caught up yet.

Current situation: I am raising and am the sole provider for our 2 kids. They have little contact with their father due to his struggles with alcohol. The last 3 years have been tough. We have suffered tremendous financial set backs due to the drinking. I was more or less a stay at home mom with a PT job to keep busy. AH had a great career but has gone through 3 jobs and been without a job for long stretches due to his drinking. Plus he made incredibly stupid and costly decisions at times and didn't consult me. Oh and don't forget the medical bills from detox, ER visits, etc. Some without insurance due to the sketchy work history.

The good news: I start a new FT job soon that is close to my home and won't require child care. We sold our beautiful but costly, money sucking jointly owned home a while back. AH says he has a new job but he says a lot of things. My credit is good and there is no debt in my name. We won't even discuss his financials especially since he has hidden all financial info from me for years.

Here's the part where I can use some experience, strength and hope...we are soooo broke. It feels like I will never get ahead. I'm terrified of raising the kids on my little salary. I am college educated just in a low paying field. I make about 1/5 of what AH made before alcohol kicked his butt. I've had to burn through lots (OK almost all) of savings. I'm struggling to save up for divorce costs and every time I get ahead something comes up. The latest is a plumbing problem in the home I rent. Landlord says it is my problem to fix. So here I sit with no working toilets or shower figuring out how I'm going to pay a plumber. Yippee.

Please someone tell me your tale of leaving an alcoholic marriage, facing poverty and coming out OK. Share your ramen recipes and your budget strategies. Tell me I can do this because you have too.
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Old 08-03-2015, 02:16 AM
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You absolutely can do this. You have been so far.

Couple of practical things. First the sewer line. Call your township and let them know you have a backup. It may be their fault. They should send someone out to try to clear it at the street. If this doesn't work you can go to a rental place or plumbing supply place and rent an auger. Ask for directions on use or you tube it. There is probably a video. This won't cost too much.

A couple of really good websites to help you out when in a tough time are The Prudent Homemaker and The Hillbilly Housewife.

Low cost and free entertainment for all of you can always be found at your local library. Plus continuing education opportunities, socializing, etc.

Also see if you have a CSA nearby. This is a Community Supported Agriculture. This can be a great way to get low cost locally grown produce.

Yard sales are your friend. People will be cleaning out closets soon for back to school. Also see if your community has a Facebook group for swapping clothes and such. Staples usually has best prices on school supplies. Sign up for their free frequent shopper card and get extra coupons, discounts and rebates.

It's early. Give me time and I will think of more.

You are going to be just fine.
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Old 08-03-2015, 04:20 AM
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The library has been our best friend. Thanks for the tips. The plumbing thing has kept me up all night.
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Old 08-03-2015, 05:04 AM
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I get lots of quality inexpensive veggies every week at my local farmer's market.
I pre-cut / clean some of them and make lots of stir fry recipes--just a little meat goes a long way.

Bonus is it is very good for you and there is endless variety

You can do it!
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Old 08-03-2015, 05:44 AM
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Congratulations about the new job Lucy. At least from now on you have control of your finances, and can't be sucked dry by EXAH. If he does get a job, he will need to pay child support, but please do what you can to divorce all your financial affairs and obligations from him so you are no longer liable for anything he does.
Is there a financial service you can talk to? Here in Australia the Salvation Army provides counselling that includes debt negotiation. At least half the debt is his.
The frugal living movement could have been designed for your situation. I know this because I've had real financial constraints over the last 3 years. I've learned many easy ways of drastically cutting expenses and getting back on track. I make my own cleaning and washing compounds, cut back on utilities, cook from scratch take lunch, etc.
The internet is your friend here, for looking up tips and doing simple DIY jobs yourself. Although your starting point seems impossible, start paying down debt like your life depended on it, and you will get there.
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Old 08-03-2015, 05:54 AM
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Also never be ashamed of using a food bank. It's to help people just like you.
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Old 08-03-2015, 06:02 AM
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Hi , I am not sure where you live, however I have never heard that tennants are responsible for the plumbing in a rental property.
I would look up the tennants union in your area, or just google tennant rights. Unless you signed a strange lease , it makes no sense that you are responsible for a major issue with the house.
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Old 08-03-2015, 06:51 AM
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You can do this, Lucy. (I don't see why you have to pay for the plumbing either, btw.) I used to buy food in bulk from a food co-op. There are thrift stores, yard sales, many ways to cut corners. Avoid eating out.

I left almost 20 years ago and within one year had one kid in college, then the next year two in college. It was quite difficult financially. I got into debt for a while, what with having to support my own household and making sure the college bills got paid on time. My ex eventually paid his share but not promptly. However with the perspective of 20 years: everything worked out just fine.

My family helped out too, in the very beginning. It was embarrassing for me to accept their help but I was grateful to have it.
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Old 08-03-2015, 07:23 AM
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I am not divorced. My mother is my alcoholic qualifier. However, I wanted to give you some hope. My husband is a banker. We were the poster children for what the recession did to the world. He was laid off in 2009 with no banking jobs to be found, given the minimal severance available, and we were severely underwater in a house with a huge mortgage and had thousands of dollars in credit card debt. We depleted our retirement savings. We have four kids and I hadn't worked in 15 years as I was the homemaker raising them. We were told my several people that our only choice was to go bankrupt. We chose not to do that (however, I do think it is a good and viable choice for some people). We lived every day in faith and very protective of the love of our family. I wanted to see the end solution, to know how everything would work out, but I couldn't. I just had to do my best one day at a time. I won't go into details, but serendipitous things happened, creditors worked with us, slowly but surely everything just resolved. Six years later, we are in a new city that we love, my husband has a job that gives us a much better work/life balance, we own our home here, we are debt free and have retirement savings again. Our children are doing great. Our problems didn't resolve themselves over night, but during that situation I learned to rely on God's direction, just worried about the things THAT particular day that I could control, be grateful for everything that we did have, and kept reminding myself that the CLOUDS ALWAYS PASS. And they do. One time I had a friend tell me that financial problems are the best problems to have because they are always resolvable. I wanted to slap her, but it is true. Keep the faith!!
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Old 08-03-2015, 07:30 AM
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Thanks everyone. I'm going to start checking out the farmers market. Plumber is here now. I've been looking up the issue and it sounds like I can be charged if I caused the issue like flushing paper towels but landlords are responsible for wear and tear. We have been without a toilet since 3pm yesterday. We have to go to gas station/walmart. This doesn't seem right. The house is not liveable. Hopefully it gets fixed. Very nervous about the cost. My last landlord used to have someone out within an hour with no cost to me.
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Old 08-03-2015, 07:33 AM
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Great post Double Dragons. It does give me hope. This too shall pass is one of my favorite sayings.
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Old 08-03-2015, 08:12 AM
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Hey Lucy, I can tell by your attitude that you're a Survivor..... this will definitely pass.

This is one of my favorite threads on budget living in recovery:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...live-less.html
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Old 08-03-2015, 10:22 AM
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Thanks FireSprite. I will read up and take notes.
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Old 08-03-2015, 01:00 PM
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I can suggest to watch your local grocery adds, some offer 10 for $10 and as long as you buy those items marked you can mix and match. When things are tight at home we plan our menu around the 10 items for $10 for that week. Just a thought!

Stay strong!
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Old 08-03-2015, 02:10 PM
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You can do this!!! While finances are something to be upset and nervous about as long as you and your kids have your health and each other you got this bump.

When on a really tight budget being as self sufficient as possible in every way. You tube is your friend for fixing things you never thought you could. As of for food grocery stores differ greatly in price - get online and register with your local stores so you can see weekly specials at each as well as down load digital coupons (no more clip and carry). Never shop without a list and plan meals for the week. How to stretch a dollar around the world starts with trimming waste. Here is what I would do for 3 days of meals on a budget. Start with a large Roast chicken for day one. half will feed 3. Next day the other half is chicken salad. Save the carcass and the next day use the carcass and chicken scraps to make homemade chicken noodle soup/ chicken dumplings. While I prefer fresh vegetables they can get expensive and go bad. Look for deals on canned veggies - also dried beans are very inexpensive. Ok so on day 4 when everyone is chicken out I would serve spaghetti Aglio (spaghetti, olive oil, fresh garlic, and parmesan cheese). Make a double batch because the next day I would make traditional spaghetti and bolognese (On a budget i would get jar sauce as its less expensive, and then doctor it up), and will be extra yum on top of leftover spaghetti aglio. Now up to day 6 tonight I would make enchiladas with the 1 lb of grand beef or turkey leftover from the 2 lb you bought (used half for spaghetti) use old el paso enchilada kit which is less than $5. For sides yellow rice (dried) and a can of black beans. Finally on day 7 I would look at the staples in my fridge and probably do "breakfast" for dinner. Finish off the dozen eggs, a protein in bacon or sausage, and waffles or pancakes from scratch. Very inexpensive meal.

Keep in mind that most of the time (some exceptions) making your meals from scratch is far less money than prepared foods.

I am sure you will do fine and get a hang of it. I love to cook and make almost all our meals we seldom eat out. If you need ideas or recipes feel free to PM me.
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