Coles

Life feels like a merry go round sometimes... Or a roller coaster? I had a really bad night a few nights ago... I won't get into all the details but it was no good.... No physical abuse but definitely verbal and a traumatic bloody scene... His, not mine... In the morning I shoved him awake and told him to get his sh*t and get out. He was desperate and frantic and I was numb and told him "I'm not even crying anymore, that's how I know it's really over."
Well he didn't leave.... I kept telling him to but he laid in bed a long time and then got up and cleaned up the whole house... That he had ransacked... Brought me my wedding rings.. That I had crammed in his mouth and screamed at him that I couldn't do it anymore and to GET OUT the night before.... I refused to put them back on. He didn't leave. He cleaned everything, cooked dinner and we didn't talk all day. He didn't drink. The next morning I decide to tell him I was gonna give him ONE MORE CHANCE.... I know, I know, guys.... I am bringing this on myself.... I put the rings back on and told him he needed to be DONE drinking. He agreed. We had the last two days spending time together like we used to... Having actual conversations, mountain biking, swimming in lakes and barbecuing. It was great.
I still feel a little traumatized however... And like I'm just waiting for the drinking to creep back. Because I know the statistics. I know most people can't just "decide to be done drinking." So here I am... Waiting to go round and round again... But still proud of myself for telling him "I'm done, get out." Proud that I didn't just sit there and cry and desperately try to make things good between us. I know I am reaching the point where I can actually follow through with being done. I'm not there yet... Still hoping for a miracle... And praying. But nevertheless less I am getting stronger.

biminiblue

It sounds like this would be a perfect time to set a non-negotiable boundary.

IF you are able to support yourself, I would come up with a statement of intent for yourself:

I will not live with an active addict. That means if he drinks again, I file for divorce.


In fact, alcoholics CAN decide to stop drinking and they do it every day - just look in the Alcoholism section of this website.

You deserve a much better life than the one on which you have settled.

tigerlily1

Just wanted to say that I totally understand. My relationship is at the exact same point! I am finally starting to emotionally prepare to be done. I also got the just give me one more chance and I will change. Sitting here waiting for the shoe to drop so to speak. No great words of wisdom but have heard here lots that more will be revealed!! ️Hugs!

Liveitwell

I completely understand. I lived that for years and years. I don't know how many hundreds of times I told him I couldn't live like this anymore-and I don't know how many times he told me he couldn't live like this anymore. He did the same thing yours did-things were great for a few days abd then the cycle started back up again. I accepted increasingly disturbing behavior that demoralized me-it was vulgar and the verbal abuse...can't even wrap my head around how dirty and weird it got. I didbt get out until I actually meant it, regardless of what he did. I agree with above-now would be a perfect time for a boundary to protect yourself from a person spiraling into oblivion-are you hell bent on going down with him?! Peace to you.

Lilro

^^^yes! Set your boundry and stick to it! You've got the power!!

Pebbles2012

I, too, did and heard the same thing. I also found myself minimizing each occurrence of my AW drinking too much. I moved my stuff out of the bedroom, we fought and fought each time she drank and wanted to fight, often times it got violent on her part. Each time the next day I was consoling her as she talked about how sorry she was and how she hated herself for it. Honestly, I remember feeling almost "high" because I was able to help her, or at least I thought I was. Then there was the next time and time after that until my anxiety was immense all the time. Yes we had plenty of good times in between but I refuse to live my life waiting for the ball to drop. It sounds like you may be at the point where I was. Huge props for telling him how you feel, I wasn't able to do that until the resentment had already set in. Whatever you do listen to your gut. It is rarely wrong.

Liveitwell

To be fair I too have been on the giving side of this-when I was actively drinking I was not too nice to my then husband-I've been on both sides. I did my part to actively make sure I was not that person anymore to him, but the marriage still failed due to his demons. He was a great guy, but when he drank his demons came out full force. I was like that at times as well-when I stopped drinking I finally finally addressed mine. Happy for that but sad for the marriage failing. Gods got me and He has you too!

Coles

Thanks everyone for the support! It is so nice to have people who understand.