Anger stage is back....when does it end?

Old 08-03-2015, 02:42 PM
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Thank you. I have thought deeply over the past few days and have found the anger was really at me, most of it. I thought things would get better-I was so naive to think that he would actually grow up into a real man-not someone that is a child emotionally and on so many other levels. And I'm mad at him for being such a coward/he's discussed many things about his mom-how she needed so much from him and in appropriately sought him out to fulfill her needs that it caused him to not be able to connect with other wimen-but he won't actually do anything about it. It's just so creepy and I accepted disturbing behavior for so long, from both of them. God, I recall at least ten different times where (during a drunk fight) he would look at me, literally with little boy eyes, and yell at me, "why can't you just let me do what I want to do and just accept me and be happy with me and say "that's my boy" like my mom does". And so many times of him slurring at screaming at me, "my sister knows me better than anyone-she truly loves me; wE share a brain-we always have." And the one time he actually stood up to his sister aboyt 8 years ago? His sister guilted him and cut him off by telling him "have a nice life with your wife". This guy just doesn't have a clue. He's a kid. I do, however, and the blinders are off. Never walking down the same road ever again. Let down immensely that he is the father to our children.
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Old 08-03-2015, 02:44 PM
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yes, I'm eating healthy, exercising, not smoking (mostly) and just taking things day by day. Yes, I've spent plenty of time on my knees over the last few years crying out "please help". Thank you for your words.
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Old 08-03-2015, 05:04 PM
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Yah... Poh... You might want to peruse over some of Forourgirls threads to see her journey. She is about the most spiritually sound and anchored person to Him that I know on here.
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Old 08-03-2015, 06:11 PM
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Poh-I spent years praying for my marriage-praying for my husband to stop drinking and to convict him of his sins. Things changed and a whole new person was born when I prayed for Him to change me-He answered abundantly. Our marriage got a lot better. He showed me what I needed to work on and convict myself of....it wasn't pretty. It took confronting some pretty yucky and emotional things-you know what I mean. I walk with Him now. I didn't for 33 years and my life showed it. He gave me the strength and courage to stand up to my then husband and has revealed what I have needed to see to move on with my life-for me and our girls. I haven't prayed for my will for years-I pray for His. I do pray for my ex all the time-love was not an issue in our marriage as I do still love him. But he is turning into a memory and an addict has no place in my home or with our girls. Period.
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Old 08-03-2015, 08:31 PM
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Btw-I was angry for a long time at my husband-that anger has dissipated as I know with all my heart the love was absolute-and pure. The good stuff. I was just as f'd up as he was-most likely why God matched us. I had no idea what a healthy marriage looked like but I know now healthy marriages, and people, are built-they don't just happen. I didbt have tge tools for a long time to even take care if myself and I struggled-a lot. It greatly affected my then husband and our marriage. I found the tools by telling the truth and facing myself and yes, hitting my knees and following whatever God placed on my heart. My therapist tonight stated, honey, I don't doubt for one minute your ex loved you abd wanted to remain married-he just didn't have the tools to make that a reality-or the tools to get or stay sober or the honest desire to actively seek out healing and learning those tools. He keeps following what he wants to do-not what Gid wants him to do. That is surely his choice but I know without a doubt God does not wabt him to live his life this way abd has a much better plan for him should he choose to listen. I chose to listen, he did not as he trusts abd listens to people, not God. My therapist stated she sees this all the time in alcohokic families-trauma bonds-where there's extreme loyalty to the FOO that becomes toxic as an adult and doesbt allow the person to develop as they should-and the secrets, lies, rescuing and enabling continue disguised as love. That's his choice. Free will and all. Anyway, just wanted to share what has helped resolve some of my anger.
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Old 08-07-2015, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
Yah... Poh... You might want to peruse over some of Forourgirls threads to see her journey. She is about the most spiritually sound and anchored person to Him that I know on here.
I know.

...and I just re-read my post and hope it was taken as intended which was simply to say that I'm sad to see her hurting and hope she is remembering to take care of herself and praying that she finds peace and serenity.

Wasn't questioning her faith or her heart in any way and hope that is clear but if it wasn't then hopefully it is now.

It's hard to watch another good, kind and caring individual hurting and I meant only to express empathy and support.
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Old 08-07-2015, 01:43 PM
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It is clear thank you, poh.
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Old 08-07-2015, 02:20 PM
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your husband's "relationship" with his mommy and his sissy is just plain sick n twisted. SERIOUSLY twisted. some lines have been crossed or at least tiptoed around that should never be crossed among family members...........
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Old 08-07-2015, 03:09 PM
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^^^ I 10000000% agree.
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Old 08-09-2015, 10:36 AM
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My neighbor came over today just to chat-asked me what had happened with my ex. I broke down. Told her a lot. She just told me to pray for him and she hopes he heals whatever childhood issues he has as they are obviously killing the man I married. I told her I had acted out if anger so much and she told me I was justified based on his actions. She asked me how I wasn't filled with anger and hate and I just cried, "God!!!!". He has taken it. I have a million good memories with my ex-memories I will cherish forever and the coolest two girls and a God that is merciful and mighty and a deeper understanding of myself and the power of truth and forgiveness. I'm truly blessed. We either kill our sin or our sin kills us. This was true for me. I pray he finds salvation and healing before something worse happens to him. Shifting perspective is everything. Thank you thank you for your words-y'all are my lifeboat in this journey. Peace!
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Old 08-09-2015, 11:04 AM
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You are an inspiration to us Forourgirls! Such a strong lady who has God as your ROCK!!
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