NaturesBounty

Hello, I'm been googling alcoholism and found my self here. My life partner and I have been together for 12+ years. It seems he enjoys his wine a bit more than usual. He is very educated and I can't imagine him being a alcoholic. But he drinks 3-4 large wine glasses per evening. His sex interest is decreasing. Sorry to be graphic, but hes having "performance issues". I'm not sure if he's found another partner or not. The campus police gave him a ride home to our flat one evening for being violent. Is my partner an alcoholic or just someone going threw a hard time? He recently got divorced and finding out his sexuality. I am a chef by trade and cook him the finest meals yet he can't seem to eat. What do I do?

Thomas45

Hello and welcome to the forums. From what you've written, it would be hard for anybody to determine whether your life partner is an alcoholic or not; there is no single cut-and-dry mold of alcoholic behavior, but rather a very broad spectrum of issues. Non alcoholic people can go through binge phases and not be classified as alcoholic, just like alcoholics can go through dry phases for 30 years and still be classified as an alcoholic.

I'm sorry to pry, but this does confuse me a little bit and I'd just like to clarify the situation. You've been together 12 years but his divorce is recent? Does this mean that he's been separated from his spouse for 12 years and there was just a long delay in the divorce process? Because if that was the case, I wouldn't tend to think that getting divorced after being separated from someone for 12+ years would cause a person to go through a hard time, unless there is some other aggravating factor in his life at the moment.

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome.

Sorry for the unhappy situation with your partner. Alcoholism has nothing to do with education--I've got a professional degree and there is plenty of alcoholism in academia, the professions, finance, you name it. There is no segment of society that's immune.

Alcoholism isn't so much about how MUCH you drink or how OFTEN, but more about how you feel about it--what it means to you. Alcoholics have an obsession to drink even if they aren't drinking, and they generally have difficulty stopping when they start because any alcohol sets up a physical craving.

Sounds like SOMETHING is going on with him, whether it's alcohol or something else. What is he saying about it? Has he been to a doctor? That might be a first good step.

Eauchiche

I am sorry to read of your situation. If you look up all my posts, you will see that we have had similar situations.

I can't suggest that you go to AlAnon strongly enough. Do this for YOU. If you don't like the first meeting, try another group, then another until you find one that fits.