So what exactly IS Awareness?
So what exactly IS Awareness?
I'm right at my 4-yr recovery anniversary this week & I've been going through a HUGE shift in my consciousness over the last 4 months.
What started as a random comment to my Doc about my weight loss struggles has opened a Pandora's Box of stuff related to my eating habits & my experience as an ACoA, but surprisingly I'm uncovering all kinds of stuff related to my sober/otherwise damaged mom as my biggest sources of damage.
My morning walks take approx. an hour so I've incorporated some of my daily meditation time in during that too, which is entirely different than the more passive, traditional method.
What is walking meditation? | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation
I'm finding that it is helping to shift my awareness from hindsight to a real-time action. I'm aware of the tiny differences in my body from day-to-day, I am aware of the increasing length of my stride, the endurance I am building, the longer distances I can handle, etc. I'm paying attention to the things I must have been overlooking all. the. time. (I didn't know I had a blind neighbor, or that he has a group of friends that meet him every morning at the end of his block & accompany him for his daily exercise. I never noticed a gorgeous circular house tucked into the woods just 5 blocks away! I can tell you what paths my alcoholic neighbor drives by following his empty-beer-can-trails along the side of the road. I can attest that while the sun rise/set times changing slightly day-to-day is not a biggie, it is a huge thing to work around over the course of a few weeks when you need to time your walks around it. Just a few very basic examples - it affects my mental processes in a lot of other ways that are so difficult to put into words.)
It sounds silly but it's like seeing in color again & not realizing I've been looking at everything through a black & white viewer. I can see how most all of my breakthroughs in recovery have happened in hindsight, and while that's perfectly fine, there's something completely different about having those awarenesses in real-time instead.
And it's made me think more & more about what exactly awareness IS, and whether we have different definitions for it. It's part of the most basic steps in Al-Anon (my understanding - Awareness, Acceptance, Action - right?) yet I don't find anything that addresses WHAT it is or how to know if you're really accomplishing it.
I've read tons of stuff about the topic over the last month - such a variety of sources from all kinds of spiritual perspectives - but I had to ask the question here too, since it comes up in recovery so much:
What exactly does having awareness mean TO YOU?
What started as a random comment to my Doc about my weight loss struggles has opened a Pandora's Box of stuff related to my eating habits & my experience as an ACoA, but surprisingly I'm uncovering all kinds of stuff related to my sober/otherwise damaged mom as my biggest sources of damage.
My morning walks take approx. an hour so I've incorporated some of my daily meditation time in during that too, which is entirely different than the more passive, traditional method.
What is walking meditation? | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation
I'm finding that it is helping to shift my awareness from hindsight to a real-time action. I'm aware of the tiny differences in my body from day-to-day, I am aware of the increasing length of my stride, the endurance I am building, the longer distances I can handle, etc. I'm paying attention to the things I must have been overlooking all. the. time. (I didn't know I had a blind neighbor, or that he has a group of friends that meet him every morning at the end of his block & accompany him for his daily exercise. I never noticed a gorgeous circular house tucked into the woods just 5 blocks away! I can tell you what paths my alcoholic neighbor drives by following his empty-beer-can-trails along the side of the road. I can attest that while the sun rise/set times changing slightly day-to-day is not a biggie, it is a huge thing to work around over the course of a few weeks when you need to time your walks around it. Just a few very basic examples - it affects my mental processes in a lot of other ways that are so difficult to put into words.)
It sounds silly but it's like seeing in color again & not realizing I've been looking at everything through a black & white viewer. I can see how most all of my breakthroughs in recovery have happened in hindsight, and while that's perfectly fine, there's something completely different about having those awarenesses in real-time instead.
And it's made me think more & more about what exactly awareness IS, and whether we have different definitions for it. It's part of the most basic steps in Al-Anon (my understanding - Awareness, Acceptance, Action - right?) yet I don't find anything that addresses WHAT it is or how to know if you're really accomplishing it.
I've read tons of stuff about the topic over the last month - such a variety of sources from all kinds of spiritual perspectives - but I had to ask the question here too, since it comes up in recovery so much:
What exactly does having awareness mean TO YOU?
Once in awhile, when I run, I feel connected to everything and I feel like I could run for ever.
At some point in SPIN, I feel how powerful my body really is and how my breathing and my legs are pumping with the blasting music. I suppose it is not Emersonian Transcendence, but it works for me.
Once in awhile, when I meditate, I feel my mind untether and float in the flotsam of the universe.
Most nights now, I can just let go of all the craziness of the day and fall asleep peacefully. I used to waste a lot of energy worrying about what ifs and coming up with multiple contingency plans.
At work, I am much more forgiving of things going wrong. I am much more patient with myself. I limit my attempts at perfection. Sometimes when a B+ effort will suffice, I accept that and put away theType A spit and polish.
I look at people. Most of them are on their phones or distracted. They don't see me looking at them. If I catch their gaze I try to smile. If they don't have headphones or ear pieces in I try to give them a compliment. I pray for strangers I see or read about. I pray for the people who drop off SR still in anger and denial. When I get my Egg White Delight, I usually pay for the person behind me. All of these small actions keep me not so focused on myself.
When I walk, I am always watching the light, the clouds, & the birds. I enjoy people's flowers and flowering bushes. My favorite season is fireflies. I like to walk with my son and often he opens up and starts talking. But sometimes I count my paces with important words like a ********** prayer.
As for eating, I'm working with a dietician on Intuitive Eating. I clearly eat when distracted and getting in touch with why is definitely revealing edges of issues that I need to push the book open and let the light shine down.
Good luck Firesprite! You are on a good path.
At some point in SPIN, I feel how powerful my body really is and how my breathing and my legs are pumping with the blasting music. I suppose it is not Emersonian Transcendence, but it works for me.
Once in awhile, when I meditate, I feel my mind untether and float in the flotsam of the universe.
Most nights now, I can just let go of all the craziness of the day and fall asleep peacefully. I used to waste a lot of energy worrying about what ifs and coming up with multiple contingency plans.
At work, I am much more forgiving of things going wrong. I am much more patient with myself. I limit my attempts at perfection. Sometimes when a B+ effort will suffice, I accept that and put away theType A spit and polish.
I look at people. Most of them are on their phones or distracted. They don't see me looking at them. If I catch their gaze I try to smile. If they don't have headphones or ear pieces in I try to give them a compliment. I pray for strangers I see or read about. I pray for the people who drop off SR still in anger and denial. When I get my Egg White Delight, I usually pay for the person behind me. All of these small actions keep me not so focused on myself.
When I walk, I am always watching the light, the clouds, & the birds. I enjoy people's flowers and flowering bushes. My favorite season is fireflies. I like to walk with my son and often he opens up and starts talking. But sometimes I count my paces with important words like a ********** prayer.
As for eating, I'm working with a dietician on Intuitive Eating. I clearly eat when distracted and getting in touch with why is definitely revealing edges of issues that I need to push the book open and let the light shine down.
Good luck Firesprite! You are on a good path.
Awareness to me is that beautiful part of us that is the "real us". The part that experiences the exact moment that we are currently in, noticing the feelings that we are having, the sensations those feelings cause in our body, the sensations of whatever we are doing physically, and not having any judgment on any of it. Just experiencing it all. It is so lovely when I can get to that state, but I have to admit that it is hard to stay in it. I do it more often, though, because I am more conscious of what It feels like.
Mine is mainly the small things I never paid attention to . Aware that when I sit in my back yard , before I heard birds singing . Now I listen closer to pick up on different sounds & try to figure out what birds are making the sounds .
Walk bear footed & feel the grass between my toes . Smelling my neighbors BRQ & enjoying it & getting hungry ...
Just all around be more Aware of what's going on around me
Walk bear footed & feel the grass between my toes . Smelling my neighbors BRQ & enjoying it & getting hungry ...
Just all around be more Aware of what's going on around me
Thanks for sharing this FireSprite!
I love walking and meditating - it helps me to connect with reality, brings peace to my soul. From time to time I vent if I am angry but it only lasts a minute or so, because then I lift it up to my Higher Power, say a prayer and then focus on my breathing and pace.
It is a beautiful feeling!!
I love walking and meditating - it helps me to connect with reality, brings peace to my soul. From time to time I vent if I am angry but it only lasts a minute or so, because then I lift it up to my Higher Power, say a prayer and then focus on my breathing and pace.
It is a beautiful feeling!!
Yes, exactly these kinds of things! CodeJob- you really nailed so much of what I was fumbling to approach. There's this zone, I feel it in meditation & during my yoga practice too. It's like a point when you just feel fully connected & disconnected at the same time, floaty but solid, empty-minded but fulfilled. I love when I hit that point in my stride during a long walk when I feel like I'll never stop, that I'll Forest Gump my way across the state because I just can't imagine not staying in this state of motion.
And like you pointed out Double, the trick is in staying there... which is, I guess, what I'm coming to find out myself now that *I* am more aware of being aware. (This is turning into a bad al-anon joke now, lol)
I love the ideas of using affirmations to count steps, the thought of this state means we are in touch with our authentic selves, keeping touch with nature & prayer during the walks/as part of awareness.
We talk about awareness in my meditation class too, but not specifically in terms of recovery. A couple of weeks ago our teacher proposed that, "Awareness is like the sun - whatever it shines on, grows & thrives. So if your awareness is always focused on your mistakes & shortcomings & failures, you're constantly feeding those things & helping them to grow. " He reminds us that at first we have to consciously choose to move that little flashlight beam of awareness to something else, that we'll have to practice & practice & practice before it becomes our new normal. That neurologically, the brain will rewire new paths & fire new synaptic rhythms if we keep bringing our awareness back to our goals with all that practice. He keeps reminding us that our identities are nothing more than our "ideas of our entities" & that since ideas/thoughts/labels change, we need to sit with ourselves sometimes & evaluate whether we are trying to force ourselves to stay stuck in old definitions or letting fear stop us from accepting new ones.
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