Termination Due to relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 75
Termination Due to relapse
Approximately 2 months ago I thought my husband had been sober 6 months. The time he told me he was spending caring for himself, doing step work and meetings was all time he spent getting high. We made many life choices based on his sobriety other than what I thought was a short relapse he had been sober for a year total. Or so I thought. Any way fast forward. We decided to have another baby.the window for second baby was closing ... and he was beating this. I.had faith with step work eventually he would have fewer mood swings ect. Any way... he confessed it had all been a lie. My.grief at the new level this disease took hold of him was substantial. So when the results of my pregnancy test came back.positive a month later... I was sick to.my stomach. I can not have another baby nor can I handle a pregnancy. My grief over this truth and understanding that I have now reached my cut off point for another child, is substantial. It is one more thing addiction has stolen. I hope he makes it I really do. I have set my life up so his relapses have a minimal affect on our family. I can maintain my self care and commitments with out his physical or emotional support. I will not be forced to rely on his finacial support soon. I keep my heart and my home open to him because he is worth it. He is a fantastic father and friend. My tears and heart break are for what could have been. In my mind there is no future where we have the family we dreamed of. I know I am doing the right thing. I am putting the oxygen mask on myself first and then my son. This other soul is now a casualty of addiction... I am.mourning the loss deeply and hoping for strength to not get sucked into my emotional addiction trap of resentments, shame and blame.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
fbw, I've experienced the same deception about XAH being in recovery. About a month ago he told me that the last 2 years had all been a lie. Prior to that, I was fooled for 4 years. He is a really good hider...
I feel for you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish both of us strength and clarity in finding our way forward.
I feel for you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish both of us strength and clarity in finding our way forward.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
I'm so sorry FBW.
My H and I always said we'd have 2 children. But he was a functional A. I only had one because I knew I could handle one. Addiction limits what could be in every arena of life.
Hugs.
My H and I always said we'd have 2 children. But he was a functional A. I only had one because I knew I could handle one. Addiction limits what could be in every arena of life.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 91
So sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it's hardly a consolation, but truly - good on you for not bringing a child into a difficult and chaotic situation. My heart goes out to you, and make sure you are focusing on yourself during this trying time.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Fwiw, I've been in your shoes. It is awful. I made the same decision about 8 years ago bc I was terrified of bringing a child into a life with alcoholism-and also didn't wabt to turn into my mother or mother in law. And what did I end up with? Being a single mom (blessed!) to two beautiful daughters with my alcoholic ex. I've found peace and forgiveness in my decision and I'm glad you have too. Life with an alcoholic is so disturbingly bad. I'm so sorry for addiction stealing this, too. Many hugs your way and peace to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 75
Thank you
Thank you everyone for your support. I feel like I have been hit with a heavy dose of reality. I do like that after 3 years of trying to end the shame, blame anger cycle in me... I can look in the mirror and like who I see. I am holding on to that ...... back to taking things minute by.minute for awhile and lots of self love.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by fbw 
Approximately 2 months ago I thought my husband had been sober 6 months. The time he told me he was spending caring for himself, doing step work and meetings was all time he spent getting high. We made many life choices based on his sobriety other than what I thought was a short relapse he had been sober for a year total. Or so I thought. Any way fast forward. We decided to have another baby.the window for second baby was closing ... and he was beating this. I.had faith with step work eventually he would have fewer mood swings ect. Any way... he confessed it had all been a lie. My.grief at the new level this disease took hold of him was substantial. So when the results of my pregnancy test came back.positive a month later... I was sick to.my stomach. I can not have another baby nor can I handle a pregnancy. My grief over this truth and understanding that I have now reached my cut off point for another child, is substantial. It is one more thing addiction has stolen. I hope he makes it I really do. I have set my life up so his relapses have a minimal affect on our family. I can maintain my self care and commitments with out his physical or emotional support. I will not be forced to rely on his finacial support soon. I keep my heart and my home open to him because he is worth it. He is a fantastic father and friend. My tears and heart break are for what could have been. In my mind there is no future where we have the family we dreamed of. I know I am doing the right thing. I am putting the oxygen mask on myself first and then my son. This other soul is now a casualty of addiction... I am.mourning the loss deeply and hoping for strength to not get sucked into my emotional addiction trap of resentments, shame and blame.
I heard a story lately on a TV program I watch of a lady with two kids and pregnant with a third, whose husband jumped out of their car at a stoplight and was never seen again. A "normal" man would not abandon his family like that.
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