I'm seeing a Pattern

Old 07-26-2015, 11:39 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thanks Lexie , For opening up my Eyes - You actually got me to finally laugh If I keep up with this sour Puss on my face for the rest of the day My dog may leave without me telling her to . Poor think didn't know what to do , when I told him to leave . She looked at me like I lost my mind .
Your perfectly right (I ) have to not let him get to me . He's not going to change any time soon . When his stomach acts up again he'll slow down
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Old 07-26-2015, 11:42 AM
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Thanks honeypig , I wouldn't of thought to look for other ways to handle this . I will get reading
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Old 07-31-2015, 11:29 AM
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I'm still working on getting - bounderys put up . He's starting to get somewhat better I'm starting to not let it get to me as much - in the way of him hurting me . He's the one that has to stay away & not call when drinking .
Why I'm really posting is I got my nerve up to see how well I could handle being around people drinking .
I drove right down to where he was with his buddies & walked in . Was our usual hangout . I knew all the ones their , they looked shocked Oh no here she is !! They may have thought I was going to give a lecture . I stayed about an hour joked & laughed . Funny thing not one of them took a drink from their bottle in all that time . Plus they had their drinks behind them- like trying to hide it .
Actually wasn't a real test , cause no one drank . Just proud I did it and had no trigger or feel a want yea !! As I was leaving my Manfriend comes out with me and says . I won't be much longer , I'll be up later . I said ," You remember what I said "? I got the look , than the , but I haven't even had one yet .
I'm not upset with him at all , so I'm healing .. Slowly I will be able to join my friends again & not run from ( the want) .
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Old 07-31-2015, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by NestWasEmpty View Post
You are very right Hawkeye - No doubt about it, but he was there for me to help with my health issues after I came out of the hosp . 2 years ago . I may have just came home and finish killing myself drinking .
I feel I owe him to be there for him now .
I lived with him for 3 months after the hosp . cause I was so sick . He would come back and forth to my place and check on things or pick up clothes for me . My biggest problem is I have not learnt to deal with being around others that drink any place . After 2 years I should be strong enough to handle that !!
I turn down invitations to parties , barbecues all places that have alcohol being served . I'm ok if someone comes to visit with 1 in their had as long as they don't stay long or want more than 1 .
I will work on handling being around it more , If I don't I never will have a social life .
There is no rule that states you have to put up with toxic people and their toxic behavior because they helped you once. The past is the past, and people change (and some don't), but what counts is the present.

Here's a question: would you put up with any rude and disrespectful behavior from any of your other friends? If you had a friend who wasn't an alcoholic and they continually showed no respect for your wishes and requests, would they still be your friend?

If he's continually doing these things, it seems to show he isn't capable of really respecting you. is it really worth it to put up with a friend that has no respect for you?
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Old 07-31-2015, 05:59 PM
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minime13 & to all that reads this thread forgive me for I think I mislead you to believe that this man I'm talking about is just a friend . We our companions - known as a couple for 4 years ," but we do not live together" . That's the only difference . We are both close to each other's children as a family would be .
I put this up to ask for suggestions to try to help me figure out how to deal with his drinking - For I became sober after we met .
I believe it's his right to drink . He will quit if & when he wants to - I can't make him any more than he could of me .
Thank you for all of your useful suggestions . I guess it was also to rant & whine I'm working through it ,cause I think he's worth it .
From now on I will just read treads & links in " family matters" likes these .
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Old 07-31-2015, 08:41 PM
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Hi nest, congrats on two years sober!
I'm chiming in as a (sober) alkie, if that's ok, because I think your alcoholism is messing with you too honey.

There is no rule, anywhere, that says you have to be around drinkers to make friends. Is it a good idea to go back to your old haunts to be social? How about some new haunts, like the ice cream shop?

Good luck dear, looks like you are getting fantastic advice from folks here!
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Old 08-01-2015, 03:31 AM
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Thanks - wehave2day same to you ! Oh for sure that is very true , no doubt in my mind . That is my Trigger I hide from - being in social gatherings were alcohol is being served . Matter of fact any place family BBQ - B-Day parties . The list goes on and on it's all around us . Sometimes I think me more than most LOL
I live in a small family mobile home park . Which we are all related - I rent from my 1 st cousin Some drink socially , others are alcoholics that haven't quit ( maintainers ) I think was the word I seen for them in here . So I'm the odd duck
That's why I have to work on being social . Not stay in my four walls , cause people are drinking around me .

Last edited by NestWasEmpty; 08-01-2015 at 03:36 AM. Reason: changing a few things
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Old 08-02-2015, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by wehav2day View Post
Hi nest, congrats on two years sober!
I'm chiming in as a (sober) alkie, if that's ok, because I think your alcoholism is messing with you too honey.

There is no rule, anywhere, that says you have to be around drinkers to make friends. Is it a good idea to go back to your old haunts to be social? How about some new haunts, like the ice cream shop?

Good luck dear, looks like you are getting fantastic advice from folks here!

^^^^I was thinking the same thing here! Being sober is a lot about changing behaviors... including where and who you hang out with...
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Old 08-02-2015, 04:06 PM
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LemonGirl , thanks for posting . I know what you mean , I'm not planning on hanging out with a bunch of alkies . Why in the world would I want to , that's plain Nuts . I was trying to explain that no matter where you go in this world your bound to see someone drinking socially ... As I replied to " wehave2days" post .
You can go into a restaurant & it's served . There's a whole list of public places where people are drinking. I have stayed confined pretty much for 2 years . It's time for me to see this Big world & realize I have to deal with it .
I must not be wording my posts right . I don't know maybe this will post - reply makes more sense LOL
I like the ice cream shop ( wehavet2day ) that's Yummy - but I'm on low carb eating lifestyle & cut out refined sugars too
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Old 08-02-2015, 04:30 PM
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SR friend, so sorry you are going through this constant life test, it sure must get tiring/draining/exasperating.

Wishing you the best in the resolution of this issue and your future introduction back into society, you can do this...
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Old 08-02-2015, 04:57 PM
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Thank you soo much Toadie , very nice of you to give me a boost of confidence You were my first friend request - that's something I will never forget
I know I'll make it , I stood up to That Beast this long ! I'm not backing down or running . SR has helped me also get stronger ...
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