sdp

This is something that has been on my mind for a while, and would like help in deciding what to do....

Pretty much everyone in my husband's immediate family abuses alcohol.. There are (or where) 3 boys and 3 girls (1 brother died last year)

The story is about the remaining brother's family. The father is an alcoholic who frequently binges. The wife is pretty codependent and has always gotten very upset by this. I also think a lot of the discipline was left to the father ("wait till your dad gets home, if he ever gets home" type) They have 1 boy and 2 girls, all teenagers.

The middle one, girl I'll call Mary, is 15. She has lately been getting in a lot of trouble- pushed her mom down, when dad tried to get her off, she spit at him, then called cops to says she was being abused. They did not buy that tho, and I think she was threatened with some sort of home or probation. This is stuff I have heard second hand, as I am not really very close to them. The mother has many sisters, and is closer to her family than ours.

Anyway, I have been hearing disturbing reports about Mary from various people-- bad crowd, changing a lot.. Today I heard the most disturbing, from sources I trust-- that she is drinking a lot (15!!) and once took all her clothes off, except undies, and jumped in the pool..

Should I say something to my sister in law about this? I don;t think she would take it very well. Anyway, she might know it already. I do know that she had to take Mary to therapy , and supposedly is.

Should I mind my own beeswax? However, remember that Mary is a minor!!!

Any ideas?

leem03

It's hard to say how to respond to this. If you don't have a good relationship with your sister-in-law she may automatically take offense to the "prying" so to speak. I think a good way to go might be to say "Hey I've heard a few things about Mary and want you to know that if I can help in any way I would be more than willing. Or if you just need someone to listen I'm here too." That way it seems a little less threatening to her, at least I would think so. Offer the assistance, if she chooses to take it great, if not, well then at least you can say you tried. I'm sure if Mary has been in trouble she knows all too well about the drinking and the pool incident. Not to mention many other tales that I'm sure you are unaware of.

Good Luck!

Magichappens

From all that I have learned, it probably won't do much good to get involved. The only time I feel that I should get involved is if someone is seeking recovery for themself. Then I can share my experience, strength and hope. Nobody can help a person who isn't seeking help, even a minor. Her parents can take measures to reduce their liability, but at 15 a person is pretty much on the path to being an adult. She will make her mistakes, and if she is allowed to be responsible for those mistakes, she may learn a lot sooner. Things usually don't happen that way, though.

It's tough to let people alone to fall on their face, but in the end, I have found it is really the kindest thing I can do. Hugs, Magic

sdp

Thank you Leem..
It's not that we have a bad relationship- we are just not especially close. As I said, she has many sisters, and they are all VERY close, almost insular. Maybe there is no room in her life for anyone else? Last year, she had a hard time- her hub was really bad, plus not giving her money. She kicked him out for a while. I tried calling her, seeing if she wanted to talk, etc, but she never responded..

Thanks also Magic. That might be best..

Here's a funny thing- after the spitting incident, it was suggested that MY husband (alcoholic extraordinaire) try to talk sense into her!!! My hub is not mean, but he could not be mistaken for Mr. Sensitive. Wisely, he did not get involved.. Maybe I will say aomething to my husband, and let him do what he thinks fit. It is his family, after all. He really can keep his mouth shut.

JT

sdp,

Personally I would stay out of it. I am thinking back to my own son. I am certain there were things that other people may have seen that they didn't tell us. For a time when he was younger I was comfortably in denial. If she keeps acting out her parents are going to know soon enough.

You can always change your mind if a circumstance or conversation leaves an opening...

Hugs,
JT

sdp

True, JT, thanks..

Anyway, the reliable souce is a neighbor. Her daughter's boyfriend witnessed the pool thing..The daughter begged her mom to call me and tell me to keep my lips shut, and I promised.. sooo... ZIP!!!!

Thanks all.