Struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 104
Struggling
Told my ABF that I can't see him anymore acting destructive and drinking that he needs to go to inpatient rehab. I explained if he wrking a recovery program an not actively drinking I will allow contact. Smh, I have been having anxiety attacks all night at work. He called me back and left a VM that he is not actively drinking and basically am being unfair. I don't know what to believe!!!??? I want to cry. Am scare now bc I know I have to follow through with this I NEED to follow through with this. I have a Co worker here at wrk that lead me to Alnon. And she has been pretty helpful to talk 2. She has taught me a lot about deattaching with love and taking care of myself. Am trying to be strong but am so weak right now
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Think of it this way--you falling back into old habits will not support him
in making better choices for himself.
If you enable him, you prolong your own suffering as well.
Be strong and get to an Alanon meeting ASAP
Hugs
in making better choices for himself.
If you enable him, you prolong your own suffering as well.
Be strong and get to an Alanon meeting ASAP
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
You have made your choice to not see him anymore while he's actively drinking. You have drawn the line that you will only open up the lines of communication when he is in a recovery program and is not drinking.
You made those choices for a reason. He's not willing or able to quit drinking on his own, without help, and the only acceptable solution for you is that he honestly commits himself to getting sober. If I were you, I would add to that condition - set your own goal of how long he needs to be sober and in treatment before you accept any communication from him. This you don't even have to tell him, because it's for you.
What he says or claims is of little consequence to you right now, unless you let it be of consequence. Words from an alcoholic mean nothing. The actions an alcoholic takes are what become meaningful.
Just remember that you are worth those limitations that you've set, and it's not your problem if he can't see that. In fact, none of this is your problem, so you shouldn't be expected to deal with it. You deserve respect, and if he can't give that to you, then you can give it to yourself by honoring your own expectations.
You made those choices for a reason. He's not willing or able to quit drinking on his own, without help, and the only acceptable solution for you is that he honestly commits himself to getting sober. If I were you, I would add to that condition - set your own goal of how long he needs to be sober and in treatment before you accept any communication from him. This you don't even have to tell him, because it's for you.
What he says or claims is of little consequence to you right now, unless you let it be of consequence. Words from an alcoholic mean nothing. The actions an alcoholic takes are what become meaningful.
Just remember that you are worth those limitations that you've set, and it's not your problem if he can't see that. In fact, none of this is your problem, so you shouldn't be expected to deal with it. You deserve respect, and if he can't give that to you, then you can give it to yourself by honoring your own expectations.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
This site has a few other articles. I found them exceedingly helpful in identifying that my husband was being overrun with his addiction. It came first - before me and our son and our marriage. Once I realized how messed up his head was, it was a lot easier for me to engage in some boundaries. The more you know about addiction, the better you can assess the situation.
Peace,
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
Peace,
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
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