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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Litchfield, NH
Posts: 1
New Here
Hi everyone,
I have read through many of the posts here and couldnt help but cry as so much of it sounds so familiar to me. I cant beleive I didnt even think of searching online for a forum for families of alcoholics! You see I have been married for 5 yrs as of 9/26. We have been together for 7 yrs. I have 2 children and we have 2 together. The first year I knew he was an alcoholic as his family had told me so many things but that he had gone through rehab and was attending AA meetings. After several months together (me pregnant by him) he bagan drinking but not real often but often enough that he would come in and his head went straight to the toilet. I threw him out as I did not want my 2 children haveing to see this. After a couple of days (he also has another child from a previous relationship) he ended up with custody of his son and his half brother (their mom is a serious drug addict)so I took him back as the children needed a roof over their head. Well we had custody for about 4 years when the mother decided to make things up to the court about me andd she got the child back. Well things just kept getting worse. He started to run to a bar any little arguement we got into. He was always calling me names like lazy, and stupid and B****. It finally pushed me to the point where I had an affair about 9 mo. ago. He found out and all has gotten so much worse!!We moved out of thet town to where we are now hoping to make things work. I do love him more than anything!!! He drinks very often and when he does it all comes up!! He calls me so many names. It has no problem saying it in front of our 4 children three of which are 15, 11 and 6. He tells them what mommy did and says horrible things about me. I reallly just try talking to him but it does no good. Much like the other posts say, he blames me for EVERYTHING (but he was drinking previous to my affair). Just wasnt as verbally abusive as he is now. He has gone to many AA meetings in the past and has admitted many times in the past to being an alcoholic but now he denies it!! Im not really sure what to do anymore. When he is drunk and mad he always tries to get into the car. Some times he actually does but thankfully I am able to save a life here or there and talk him out of it. I have 4 kids to take care of and feel I dont need another. He is such a wonderful provider for us and an even better father!!! But when he drinks he is so evil!!
I know the sweet, kind hearted person he really is and because of that I cant bring myself to leaving him. I know that if he would stop drinking, we could make this marriage so wonderful but I just cant get through to him. I know how badly I hurt him but it was the hurt that he gave me that pushed me so far away to do what I did. I just dont know what to do anymore as sometimes he has made sucidal remarks that really scare me (he would never hurt me or the children!!) but I dont want him to hurt himself either. I know when he is not drinking he would never do anything stupid but when he drinks its so much that there is absolutely no control over him by himself or anyone else. Can any of you PLEASE give me any advise!!
I have read through many of the posts here and couldnt help but cry as so much of it sounds so familiar to me. I cant beleive I didnt even think of searching online for a forum for families of alcoholics! You see I have been married for 5 yrs as of 9/26. We have been together for 7 yrs. I have 2 children and we have 2 together. The first year I knew he was an alcoholic as his family had told me so many things but that he had gone through rehab and was attending AA meetings. After several months together (me pregnant by him) he bagan drinking but not real often but often enough that he would come in and his head went straight to the toilet. I threw him out as I did not want my 2 children haveing to see this. After a couple of days (he also has another child from a previous relationship) he ended up with custody of his son and his half brother (their mom is a serious drug addict)so I took him back as the children needed a roof over their head. Well we had custody for about 4 years when the mother decided to make things up to the court about me andd she got the child back. Well things just kept getting worse. He started to run to a bar any little arguement we got into. He was always calling me names like lazy, and stupid and B****. It finally pushed me to the point where I had an affair about 9 mo. ago. He found out and all has gotten so much worse!!We moved out of thet town to where we are now hoping to make things work. I do love him more than anything!!! He drinks very often and when he does it all comes up!! He calls me so many names. It has no problem saying it in front of our 4 children three of which are 15, 11 and 6. He tells them what mommy did and says horrible things about me. I reallly just try talking to him but it does no good. Much like the other posts say, he blames me for EVERYTHING (but he was drinking previous to my affair). Just wasnt as verbally abusive as he is now. He has gone to many AA meetings in the past and has admitted many times in the past to being an alcoholic but now he denies it!! Im not really sure what to do anymore. When he is drunk and mad he always tries to get into the car. Some times he actually does but thankfully I am able to save a life here or there and talk him out of it. I have 4 kids to take care of and feel I dont need another. He is such a wonderful provider for us and an even better father!!! But when he drinks he is so evil!!
I know the sweet, kind hearted person he really is and because of that I cant bring myself to leaving him. I know that if he would stop drinking, we could make this marriage so wonderful but I just cant get through to him. I know how badly I hurt him but it was the hurt that he gave me that pushed me so far away to do what I did. I just dont know what to do anymore as sometimes he has made sucidal remarks that really scare me (he would never hurt me or the children!!) but I dont want him to hurt himself either. I know when he is not drinking he would never do anything stupid but when he drinks its so much that there is absolutely no control over him by himself or anyone else. Can any of you PLEASE give me any advise!!
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome to SR......I can relate to alot of what you are saying........I know this site has helped me tremendously.....there are alot of us here that are going through similar situations.......
Welcome and I am sure there will be others here soon to respond to your post.....who have been in recovery alot longer...
Welcome and I am sure there will be others here soon to respond to your post.....who have been in recovery alot longer...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
glad you found this site meverett - if you have read many of the posts, you know there is nothing you can say or do to get him to quit.
you need to take care of you and your children - many will suggest al-anon. it is a good program - look into attending a meeting soon.
come and vent whenever you feel necessary - we're all here to help and support you!
hugs - cwohio
you need to take care of you and your children - many will suggest al-anon. it is a good program - look into attending a meeting soon.
come and vent whenever you feel necessary - we're all here to help and support you!
hugs - cwohio
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi meverett,
Welcome to SR. There are no quick fixes or pat answers for dealing with alcoholism. It is an irrational thing. But we can learn to cope and deal with it without losing our mind and heart. Al-Anon has helped me deal with alcoholism and with many other challenges in my life. You are not alone. We have all felt the pain, frutstration, hurt, and loneliness. But you don't have to go through it alone. This forum and my regular Al-Anon meetings have given me so much love and support. I hope that you find the same love and support. Keep coming back. It's much easier to deal with when you have others who understand. Hugs, Magic
Welcome to SR. There are no quick fixes or pat answers for dealing with alcoholism. It is an irrational thing. But we can learn to cope and deal with it without losing our mind and heart. Al-Anon has helped me deal with alcoholism and with many other challenges in my life. You are not alone. We have all felt the pain, frutstration, hurt, and loneliness. But you don't have to go through it alone. This forum and my regular Al-Anon meetings have given me so much love and support. I hope that you find the same love and support. Keep coming back. It's much easier to deal with when you have others who understand. Hugs, Magic
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