why is it so hard to accept?
 

It has been awhile since I have posted; however I am on here every day reading. I am feeling so out of sorts. It has been almost 4 months that I have been out of the house. If you read my previous posts, you will find that I was married and divorced within 6 months. It was one of the worst experiences in my life. I know I made a huge mistake when I married him. I fell in love with the ideal him. At the time, I believed he would stay sober. I also know that his abuse that I endured was abuse from an abuser, not an alcoholic. I know all of these logically. It is still hard for me to accept that he just discarded me and in the way he did it. I ruminate constantly how he said "I don't want you, I am not attracted to you." and immediately got on dating sites. I know that he is drinking and even calls himself a social drinker on his dating profile. I received my final alimony check on Friday, and I never have to deal with him again. It is finally over. But is it? His words still linger and penetrate my heart. He told me many horrible things; and he was someone that would wipe my tears away when I was sad. He was also someone that could leave me at the park to teach me not to tell him how to drive. It was hot and cold, all the time. I am wondering if anyone can tell me why I let the rejects rejection get to me so incredibly bad? Why can't I see that he is truly a sick narcissist and is just messed up and is now actively drinking after 3 years of sobriety. Why can't I see he is a man who kicked his new bride out? I don't want to be a victim and I really don't want to dwell. I want to feel normal again. I go to therapy, Alanon, and working the 12 steps. I just want this to end. He doesn't care, never has shown a bit of remorse, and moved completely on. Why is it so hard for me to?

A- I am so sorry, and so many of us feel your pain. The only thing that I can say is it takes time. You can't see the progress you are making. I just divorced my A after 34 years together. It hurts, but not as bad as it did 6 months ago. Please cut yourself some slack and understand that you will rebuild and get stronger.

hugs my friend!!!

If it makes you feel better, he hasn't completely moved on. He uses alcohol to mask his problems and past, and his narcissistic behavior to absolve him from any fault. He's carrying around a lifetime worth of baggage that will never allow him to be a fully-functioning person in society, until he confronts his problems and puts real effort into reinventing himself.

It's hard to see things that way, because inside that resides someone we really cared about and someone who cared about us. However, we always have to remember that an addict never moves on until he or she gets help.

I'm going to print this ^^. Wonderfully said and so true!

G,ad to see ya reaching out.
Why can't you see.....hhhhmmmmm....seemsmkve had the same questions I asked myself. And an answer I got?
It wasn't that I didn't see. It was that I hadn't accepted the facts.
Why is it hard? Welp could be a few reasons. It didn't feel good for me when I bent over backwards helping a woman I ( thought I ) loved and all I got was gloom,dispair, and misery.
The good news it that although I went through some depression involving not feeling too good about myself ( low self esteem and hurt pride) I came out the other side stronger. I learned a LOT from that relationship- a LOT about me a d about what love truly is.
I hadda pretty screwed up perception of love.

But I got THROUGH it.
And today I sit here single,content, peaceful, and serene.
Couldn't ever say I had that in that relationship. ALWAY circus music playing!
I don't miss that.

I haven't read your past, but I also am reading some good stuff. Yur lookin at yourself a d wanting to know why!

You are awesome--it's fantastic that you got away from him!
:scoregood

Just big (((HUGS))))

You're on your way.... One day at a time.

Thank you so much for the replies. It really keeps me grounded, encouraged, supported, and feeling on track. This site has helped me so much and I am so grateful for it.

Don't throw a rock at me for saying it but I'm not worried for you, I'm worried for him . You are getting well and grieving and hurting. That's what caring people do when hurt.

He will probably go down one of three paths - death, recovery or circling the drain forever. If he ever change mess to terms with what he did to you then literally God help him because the guilt and shame will squash him.

How about cutting yourself a break and be good to yourself? Start by talking to yourself like you would talk to your best friend... You would not be hard on her right now.

Nothing like a good narcissist to make you beat yourself up

Yes, a narcissist will kill your self-worth every time! Thank you; thank you everyone for your comments. Again, this is why I come here. I find my self again.