five years later . . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 17
five years later . . .
Hi to all you wise folks on this website. And thank to the website's founders. This is a wonderful place to vent, to share, and to learn from your old posts:
Last week I finally was able to remove my ABF from my home---but it took me six years to get it done--six years after I realized he had a serious problem, was emotionally and verbally abusive, was constantly drinking or relapsing, was not working, and was surviving only because I paid the bills (clothed him, insured him, fed him--my enabling was dramatic and complete!) I just went back to read my old 2011 posts to this website. At that time he was smoking crack and drinking and on his way to rehab, and I found this site to help me understand my situation. From my posts back then, it seems clear that I knew it all at the time (I'm amazed at how perceptive and knowledgeable I was about his addiction!) but I nevertheless turned a blind eye, forgave and forgave, year after year, until he finally went one step too far with the names he called me. His use of the c-word was a wake-up call--he didn't respect me and I didn't respect me either. My failure in self-respect caused me to become an enabler. I guess some of us are slow learners, but I finally learned. He will have to deal with his own problem now, on his own--and he will be far more likely to recover than if he were living with me, his master enabler. I am now in recovery and hopefully he will be in recovery eventually too. This site helped me enormously. Thanks to you all!!
Last week I finally was able to remove my ABF from my home---but it took me six years to get it done--six years after I realized he had a serious problem, was emotionally and verbally abusive, was constantly drinking or relapsing, was not working, and was surviving only because I paid the bills (clothed him, insured him, fed him--my enabling was dramatic and complete!) I just went back to read my old 2011 posts to this website. At that time he was smoking crack and drinking and on his way to rehab, and I found this site to help me understand my situation. From my posts back then, it seems clear that I knew it all at the time (I'm amazed at how perceptive and knowledgeable I was about his addiction!) but I nevertheless turned a blind eye, forgave and forgave, year after year, until he finally went one step too far with the names he called me. His use of the c-word was a wake-up call--he didn't respect me and I didn't respect me either. My failure in self-respect caused me to become an enabler. I guess some of us are slow learners, but I finally learned. He will have to deal with his own problem now, on his own--and he will be far more likely to recover than if he were living with me, his master enabler. I am now in recovery and hopefully he will be in recovery eventually too. This site helped me enormously. Thanks to you all!!
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