A father does have cirrhosis.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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A father does have cirrhosis.
I know I've been basically posting daily. I'm sorry about it.
I feel like I have so much to learn from people in here.
Well... My brother gave us bad news last night. My father does have cirrhosis. It's at the very begging though... But he has it and he is still drinking.
My brother is still making arrangements for getting our dad secured (health insurance) in the hospital he works at. However, there is no guarantee he will get this.
My father is very economically abusive. He has worked his whole life, has his own car wash business, but he has never let us help him (me or mom) or give any suggestions into how to improve our current economical situation (wich is not that we're extremely poor, but it's still bad, since he has many doubts here and there). He is more like a provider; brings food to the table, but that's pretty much it.
I have never had a work in my life since I've been wanting to focus in my career, but I'm thinking it might be time to do something.
Mom is a housewive, and hasn't worked outside home because my A father wouldn't let her. He was overly jealous without any reason - almost never wants any of us to leave the house and gets mad when we do, or when we use money to buy necessary stuff. Still, he doesn't wants us to help (with money).
So... What should I do? Is there something me, or my mom, could do? How to reason with dad about all of this?
He got sad when he heard the news. Mom got sad too. She and my brother are kind of mad at me for still being so focused in exabf and feeling hurt and guilty ("I'm not enough pretty/good/etc") over his dumping of me; yet I can't seem to help it, but I want to, because it seems as hard times are coming and I need to be fully present and have a lot of strength.
I don't know where to begin, but I want to get better and be reasonably helpful (not codependent)... Any advice will be very much appreciated.
And thank you for the advice so far.
I feel like I have so much to learn from people in here.
Well... My brother gave us bad news last night. My father does have cirrhosis. It's at the very begging though... But he has it and he is still drinking.
My brother is still making arrangements for getting our dad secured (health insurance) in the hospital he works at. However, there is no guarantee he will get this.
My father is very economically abusive. He has worked his whole life, has his own car wash business, but he has never let us help him (me or mom) or give any suggestions into how to improve our current economical situation (wich is not that we're extremely poor, but it's still bad, since he has many doubts here and there). He is more like a provider; brings food to the table, but that's pretty much it.
I have never had a work in my life since I've been wanting to focus in my career, but I'm thinking it might be time to do something.
Mom is a housewive, and hasn't worked outside home because my A father wouldn't let her. He was overly jealous without any reason - almost never wants any of us to leave the house and gets mad when we do, or when we use money to buy necessary stuff. Still, he doesn't wants us to help (with money).
So... What should I do? Is there something me, or my mom, could do? How to reason with dad about all of this?
He got sad when he heard the news. Mom got sad too. She and my brother are kind of mad at me for still being so focused in exabf and feeling hurt and guilty ("I'm not enough pretty/good/etc") over his dumping of me; yet I can't seem to help it, but I want to, because it seems as hard times are coming and I need to be fully present and have a lot of strength.
I don't know where to begin, but I want to get better and be reasonably helpful (not codependent)... Any advice will be very much appreciated.
And thank you for the advice so far.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
TTH, don't apologize for posting! I think it's great that you are wanting to think through your relationship with your Dad. As I think I said on another of your threads, this seems like one good thing that has come out of your relationship with your AXBF is that you are becoming more aware of how your Dad's alcoholism and abuse affects you. I really feel for you. My father died at 57 as a result of his alcoholism. He was an angry person who could be very difficult to deal with, and when I found out how sick he was physically about a year before he died, it was so hard. I felt guilty, I wanted to help, but I also felt angry and frustrated and wanted to get away! Is your brother financially stable? It sounds like he is taking the lead on this right now. Maybe the best thing for you is to let him and focus on finishing school? When you have a degree, you will be better able to support yourself financially and maybe help to care for your mother as well. It sounds like eventually she might need the support of her children. It must be so tough living with your father while he drinks. Are there Al-Anon meetings where you live? And I can't remember, are you seeing a counselor? It would be great if you could get some outside support!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Originally Posted by jjj111 
TTH, don't apologize for posting! I think it's great that you are wanting to think through your relationship with your Dad. As I think I said on another of your threads, this seems like one good thing that has come out of your relationship with your AXBF is that you are becoming more aware of how your Dad's alcoholism and abuse affects you. I really feel for you. My father died at 57 as a result of his alcoholism. He was an angry person who could be very difficult to deal with, and when I found out how sick he was physically about a year before he died, it was so hard. I felt guilty, I wanted to help, but I also felt angry and frustrated and wanted to get away! Is your brother financially stable? It sounds like he is taking the lead on this right now. Maybe the best thing for you is to let him and focus on finishing school? When you have a degree, you will be better able to support yourself financially and maybe help to care for your mother as well. It sounds like eventually she might need the support of her children. It must be so tough living with your father while he drinks. Are there Al-Anon meetings where you live? And I can't remember, are you seeing a counselor? It would be great if you could get some outside support!
I want to let go, and help my father as he is, if needed so.
My brother is struggling just a bit.
He will have to save money, as he's living with his girlfriend and they're both studying their speciality on Medicine. He has to shorten his spending in some stuff, like going out to have dinner at restaurants and stuff like that.
I do have a counselor but I won't see her til next week.
I have gone to 3 Alanon meetings so far, and I just finished reading Codependent no more last nite. I'm reading some other helpful books.
Thanks for the encouragment and understanding!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by redatlanta
Time are you located here in the US? Trying to figure out the insurance comment before responding.
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