Arininateo

I went to his place to pick up something , he was not there so I let myself in, (I have a key) went to fridge to get some water, a 12 pack in the fridge and vodka in the freezer 😔 I'm devasted. I didn't even tell him I found it because I has no words at all I just left. It's done, I'm done I can't live through this again 💔

maybear

I'm so sorry. I just want to say that you are not alone.
I know how much it hurts to have such high hopes and have a piece of normality thrown at you, only to have it taken away again. It's heartbreaking.
At this point, it sounds like he is no where near getting serious about recovery. Letting go of your hopes and dreams with him will be hard, but not as hard as a life with an alcoholic.

velma929

Ooooh, yeah, that's right, because people who drink only beer or wine aren't alcoholics.
I still remember the incredulity of some men I knew who were shocked, SHOCKED! that their work mate had checked into the hospital to have his bleeding ulcer treated, "...and they put him in detox! He only drinks beer!"

This brilliant soul had been treating his stomach pain with aspirin and washing it down with beer.

shaking my head...

Hugs to you, dear. I spent 25 years with an alcoholic, and almost left him three times. It never got better. He didn't want to quit.

When I was a very young woman, I assumed when people divorced they must not love one another any more. I was acquainted with a woman older than I who was divorced and said she still loved her ex. I thought she was sand-bagging us or trying to look, I don't know, altruistic or forgiving or something.

Toward the end of our marriage I knew I should leave, for my own sanity. The same day I made that decision, my husband told me he was terminally ill. He never knew what I had decided. He died six weeks later. I wish I had had the maturity to see him for who he was when we were dating, and the self confidence to say to myself, "I am better off alone than with an addict." To be sure, "alcoholic" wasn't the sum of all he was; he was a funny, witty, brilliant man who cried with me when we buried our first pet. I will always love him. But I could have spent those twenty-five years loving someone who was sober and had those same characteristics. (Actually have a relationship with someone like that now.)

honeypig

I think almost anyone on here will tell you some variation on this theme, Arininateo. This is very much where I am right now--I have always believed that to some extent, my A was at least making an attempt at recovery even if he hadn't had much success. I've found out recently that I was wrong about that; it's all been just peacekeeping lies to protect his addiction.

We were both a mess when we met, and somehow we thought we'd save each other. I now know that's not true and never will be. I'm so afraid that I'm not well enough to move on, and I'm struggling to believe that I'm not sick enough to stay any more.

Strength and clarity to both of us.

Liveitwell

^^ this, exactly. My ex is so much more than just an alcoholic. Unfortunately that one thing runs him and his life, along with the other buried issues and secrets of which I've been told there are many. Not mine anymore. He can make the choice to get better for himself or not. Yours can, too. Or not. I pray peace for you, whatever you choose to do. Living with active addiction is awful.

Arininateo

Well I just left, or should I say got kicked out of his place. Went to see him after his brother told me he was drunk to talk to him. He told me he is so angry with me because I sent him away. He can't believe I would betray him that way. Said he can't talk to me because he is too angry and asked me to leave and not call him. I'm in shock, I stood by him through 3 years of addiction. And he turned it all around on me. I guess I need to think of it as a blessing in disguise and a HUGE part of me knows that that is exactly what it is. A blessing it still hurts though. He is sick and it does not look like it's gonna get better. My heart hurts. Well more time to focus on me and give up on him.

jezzebelle

My heart goes out to you, having to confront such a painful situation, living it day by day. But this guy could be doing you a favour because him staying stuck will encourage you onto a safer, truer path.

The time has come for you to focus on yourself and your needs all the time. If you want to have children, think about what sort of man would make a good partner to you and a good father to your children. Would it be someone fighting an addiction? Being a parent requires lots of emotional resilience and strength, not to mention teamwork, patience and self-understanding.

We can't change others or how they behave but we can change ourselves.