Heart just can't catch up with my head
 

So I posted a month ago about the very painful break up with my live-in boyfriend of two years. He says he left to set me free, but I know he really left to not have to be accountable and to have an affair with his addiction. We never really fought but clearly in the last 6 months of the relationship things were falling apart. He's a professional athlete that was relapsing throughout our entire relationship and in and out of the program. We have not really spoken or had any communication since the very sudden split, and its like grieving a dead person that haunts my dreams. After finding Alanon I have learned a lot in hindsight and see that we were a very typical user/enabler relationship, but I was also lied to very much about what was really going on with his using. We had such a strong friendship that that turned into falling deeply in love to the most painful experience of my life.

It's been about 2 months and I have been in therapy, started Alanon, and am back in the gym big time. I have travelled, talked and read so much but I'm just still in so much pain. I miss him so much and am so angry at the same time for all of the lies.

I know I have to start putting all of the energy I put into him, into myself but its just so hard. I heard today he started training again for an upcoming fight and it just triggered so many memories and emotions. I was there for him throughout out all of his training and was his biggest cheerleader in his sport, and when he was in recovery. We were best friends and I was a part of his team. I was there to celebrate wins and picked up the pieces during a devastating loss. Hearing this news spun me out and I'm just so sad and can't imagine this pain going away. So much of me wants to speak to him so badly, but I know I can't reach out. I'm so hurt for how much he told me I was the love of his life, how he wanted to marry me, have kids with me and do all the things lovers do and now he hasn't reached out at all, other than once to tell me that he had basically relapsed and couldn't take me through another one with him and thats why he left. That he wants me to heal and I deserve to be happy so he's leaving me alone. While all that may be true, I know its also some martyr, alcoholic BS that makes him feel better.

I'm really just here venting because I'm so overwhelmed with emotion, and I would love any input. My heart just can't seem to catch up with my head. I hope this pain goes away....

Dear Blonde.....by my calculations, it has been 6-7weeks.....?

It takes much..much longer that this to get past the intense pain of grieving.....
short-term pain.....for the long-term gain.....

The pain absolutely does go away....but, not overnight.... Give it at least a year.....
The more you build your own life into the future....the more the memories (and the associated pain)of the past fade away......

dandylion

Yes, I agree to give it at least a year. But it gets easier with each day and you ALWAYS come out better equipped and stronger. <3

I know right now you are going through some intensely painful grieving and it doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....but there is I promise! It took me 13 months to finally be free of the pain of my relationship with my xabf. I would say 10 of those months were the hardest and most painful months that I ever endured! But counseling and alanon, I was able to work on myself and fight through the pain. Hang in there, work on you, feel the pain and grieve the loss of your relationship. You will come out on the other side, I promise you that. In the mean time, we are all here for you. There is so much support here, please lean on us when you need strength.

(((Hugs)))