Keeping it simple
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Keeping it simple
My mind has always been too busy to keep things simple. Every time I hear keep it simple I want to yell "What does that mean???" I analyze everything and tear it into microscopic segments and then fit it in a box to get it to that simple fact that I can understand.
I don't follow a program for my recovery, but I borrow from JT's program, lol. My HP kind of takes me all over the place and he is not orderly as far as I see it. We jump around from one thing to the next and I just go along for the ride. He has the map.
So I thought I would list the bigger things I've learned that make this simple for me. Please feel free to also share yours.
1. Talk daily to my HP and communicate my thoughts and emotions to him. I hold too much in and let it spin in my mind. So I need to debrief.
2. Have faith that my HP has everything in his control and let it go to him. I need to do this to drive away that worry that is my worst enemy. I have to practice it a million times a day when fear and my negative imagination start creeping in.
3. Live only in today. That was the hardest to learn for me. I realized I wasted many years living in the past and in anticipation of the future. I robbed myself of all my todays. I have to practice this a million times each day when guilt and shame from the past come in or fear and worry of the future. Today is a gift that I am learning to grab on to and appreciate. I'm learning to take the little gifts in today and focus on them so I can enjoy the small things.
4. Guilt and Worry. This is the most difficult. Neither of these emotions can be solved. Guilt from the past cannot be fixed. I had to make a decision to push it away when it entered my mind. Worry about the future is also useless and can't be fixed. I had to make a decision to push it away each time it entered my mind. Refocusing on something else helped a lot and I had to practice this 10 million time a day.
5. Life and death. I'm not in charge and I can't control it. I had to let go of the responsibility and face the fact that it can happen and there is nothing I can do about it. This awareness came with much grief.
6. My son's life and choices were his own. I had no right to interfere and try to control him. He had the right to do as he wished. He also had the right to pay his own consequences. Jumping in to interfere and live his life for him was robbing him of his life's lessons. I could stand back and still treat him with respect and love him. I could love him on life's terms and not my terms.
7. Recovery from addiction has to come from within the person who is addicted. I am powerless. There is nothing I can do. I cannot reach inside that person and change the things that need changing to bring them to recovery. The person who is active in their addiction is in denial. I don't own the switch to their light bulb. There are limitations to my ability to help. I do what I can and then stop there. When I begin rescuing or paying their consequences or solving their problems I have crossed the line.
8. My reactions belong to me. Another person cannot cause my reactions. I can learn to change my reactions and treat another person with respect. If it is too hard to live with I have the choice to separate myself from the situation. I do not have the right to try and change the person to fit into my lifestyle when they are unwilling to do so. I do not have the right to blame them for my situation if I choose to remain. They are not responsible to pay the consequences for my choices.
I don't follow a program for my recovery, but I borrow from JT's program, lol. My HP kind of takes me all over the place and he is not orderly as far as I see it. We jump around from one thing to the next and I just go along for the ride. He has the map.
So I thought I would list the bigger things I've learned that make this simple for me. Please feel free to also share yours.
1. Talk daily to my HP and communicate my thoughts and emotions to him. I hold too much in and let it spin in my mind. So I need to debrief.
2. Have faith that my HP has everything in his control and let it go to him. I need to do this to drive away that worry that is my worst enemy. I have to practice it a million times a day when fear and my negative imagination start creeping in.
3. Live only in today. That was the hardest to learn for me. I realized I wasted many years living in the past and in anticipation of the future. I robbed myself of all my todays. I have to practice this a million times each day when guilt and shame from the past come in or fear and worry of the future. Today is a gift that I am learning to grab on to and appreciate. I'm learning to take the little gifts in today and focus on them so I can enjoy the small things.
4. Guilt and Worry. This is the most difficult. Neither of these emotions can be solved. Guilt from the past cannot be fixed. I had to make a decision to push it away when it entered my mind. Worry about the future is also useless and can't be fixed. I had to make a decision to push it away each time it entered my mind. Refocusing on something else helped a lot and I had to practice this 10 million time a day.
5. Life and death. I'm not in charge and I can't control it. I had to let go of the responsibility and face the fact that it can happen and there is nothing I can do about it. This awareness came with much grief.
6. My son's life and choices were his own. I had no right to interfere and try to control him. He had the right to do as he wished. He also had the right to pay his own consequences. Jumping in to interfere and live his life for him was robbing him of his life's lessons. I could stand back and still treat him with respect and love him. I could love him on life's terms and not my terms.
7. Recovery from addiction has to come from within the person who is addicted. I am powerless. There is nothing I can do. I cannot reach inside that person and change the things that need changing to bring them to recovery. The person who is active in their addiction is in denial. I don't own the switch to their light bulb. There are limitations to my ability to help. I do what I can and then stop there. When I begin rescuing or paying their consequences or solving their problems I have crossed the line.
8. My reactions belong to me. Another person cannot cause my reactions. I can learn to change my reactions and treat another person with respect. If it is too hard to live with I have the choice to separate myself from the situation. I do not have the right to try and change the person to fit into my lifestyle when they are unwilling to do so. I do not have the right to blame them for my situation if I choose to remain. They are not responsible to pay the consequences for my choices.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 80
[QUOTE=Morning Glory]
3. Live only in today. That was the hardest to learn for me. I realized I wasted many years living in the past and in anticipation of the future. I robbed myself of all my todays. I have to practice this a million times each day when guilt and shame from the past come in or fear and worry of the future. Today is a gift that I am learning to grab on to and appreciate. I'm learning to take the little gifts in today and focus on them so I can enjoy the small things.QUOTE]
#3 - Learning to let go of the past and the fear which comes with letting go of the future is a tough one for me. I feel like I'm fighting a battle of thoughts in my head sometimes. At least now I know that those thoughts won't make me happy. I also know now that willing something to happen doesn't mean it will, and the disappointment that comes after is my own fault.
Thanks MG!
Marci
3. Live only in today. That was the hardest to learn for me. I realized I wasted many years living in the past and in anticipation of the future. I robbed myself of all my todays. I have to practice this a million times each day when guilt and shame from the past come in or fear and worry of the future. Today is a gift that I am learning to grab on to and appreciate. I'm learning to take the little gifts in today and focus on them so I can enjoy the small things.QUOTE]
#3 - Learning to let go of the past and the fear which comes with letting go of the future is a tough one for me. I feel like I'm fighting a battle of thoughts in my head sometimes. At least now I know that those thoughts won't make me happy. I also know now that willing something to happen doesn't mean it will, and the disappointment that comes after is my own fault.
Thanks MG!
Marci
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change 3/5
When I first started working the Steps, the thought of having my character defects removed made me very nervous. I thought I would end up like a chunk of Swiss cheese, full of holes. But I wanted to get better and I was continually assured that the Steps were the key to my recover, so I went forward in spite of my fears. I had to take the risk and act on faith before I could receive the gifts my Higher Power held out to me.
Nowhere in Steps Four through Seven do we ask God to add anything, but rather to take away the things we do not nee3d. I found that every single defect that was removed had been hiding an asset. I didn’t lose myself at all. Instead, as I let go of the things I didn’t need, I made room for my strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully a part of my life. I take comfort in this, because it reminds me that everything I need is already present. But I couldn’t be sure until I worked the Steps and found some relief from my shortcomings.
Today’s Reminder
God knows exactly what I need and has already given it to me. My job is to “keep it simple� and ask for God’s help in relieving me of the extra stuff – the shortcomings that keep me tied down.
“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.�
– American Proverb
When I first started working the Steps, the thought of having my character defects removed made me very nervous. I thought I would end up like a chunk of Swiss cheese, full of holes. But I wanted to get better and I was continually assured that the Steps were the key to my recover, so I went forward in spite of my fears. I had to take the risk and act on faith before I could receive the gifts my Higher Power held out to me.
Nowhere in Steps Four through Seven do we ask God to add anything, but rather to take away the things we do not nee3d. I found that every single defect that was removed had been hiding an asset. I didn’t lose myself at all. Instead, as I let go of the things I didn’t need, I made room for my strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully a part of my life. I take comfort in this, because it reminds me that everything I need is already present. But I couldn’t be sure until I worked the Steps and found some relief from my shortcomings.
Today’s Reminder
God knows exactly what I need and has already given it to me. My job is to “keep it simple� and ask for God’s help in relieving me of the extra stuff – the shortcomings that keep me tied down.
“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.�
– American Proverb
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