Wisconsin

Usually I post this stuff in Quackers, but tonight was just so ridiculous I wanted to post it separately.

Quick background: I am 4-5 weeks away from leaving my AH. I have told him that I'm leaving, but I think he believes it is just a general idea, not an actual plan that I have in place.

Anyway, he has stopped with much of the usual "relationship" stuff we used to do. He no longer calls me on his lunch break, and we no longer say "I love you." But he will periodically act as though nothing is wrong, and then gets all bent out of shape within minutes if I am not acting as though everything is totally fine.

So tonight I was working on a sewing project, and had to rip out a bunch of seams because I assembled the project incorrectly. I was not even remotely making a big deal out of it. I went back down to the basement, where my sewing machine is, to re-sew some things. AH followed me downstairs, and then proceeded to lecture me about how sometimes, things are just frustrating (like when you sew something incorrectly). But that you can just work through it and carry on. And that can be applied to "other, bigger" things in life (presumably our marriage). Seriously?!? Mr. "I'll just suck down twelve beers to make my bad day go away" is lecturing me about working through stuff and carrying on? Mr. "I complain constantly about every single thing in my life" is lecturing me about working through stuff and carrying on?

I did not, however, have the urge to challenge him or argue, or point out what a hypocrite he is. Mostly, I just wanted to laugh. I do not wish this man ill. I hope he finds happiness and recovery. For his sake and for our son's sake. But I am just soooooo over all of this.

amy55

Thank you for coming here and venting. I do hear you.

amy

Liveitwell

Had to add to this-my exah would be drunk and would just start throwing whatever verbal assaults he could at me-learned through recovery to not engage (although I didn't perfect it-work in progress!)....but sometines I wondered if he realized how insane he sounded stomping through the house angry and drunk at God only knows, bad day, kids, me, the sky wasn't blue enough, as he yelled that I didn't put the toilet paper on the holder and it frustrated him! Sheesh. Glad to be gone and finally have peace for my little family-so happy you will also have peace away from the insanity. I too hope and pray your ah finds lasting sobriety and recovery and the joy of being free from the chains of alcohol-for your sake and your kiddos. Peace to you, W!

Wisconsin

I am so grateful for this place. Every single thing that anybody ever said to me here, on other support boards, and in Al Anon has been 100% right. Including how ridiculous the last few weeks would be, knowing that the end is so close.

amy55

yep, he is looking for other buttons to push, mainly because you recognize the others. It is really crazymaking stuff. But you picked up on that right away and you came here instead of engaging.

You are terrific !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
amy

healthyagain

Yeah, I hear you too. And do expect that quacking is going to become so bad and unbelievable, that your jaw is going to drop. But never get distracted. Stay the course.

Liveitwell

^^ Amy, not hijacking the thread but had to share-i love love love seeing your posts for your wisdom and your avatar-that dog makes me smile

Wisconsin

I feel the same way! I love me some Amy!!

Honestly, for years one of the excuses I made for staying was that if I left, it would prompt my AH to spiral big time. I'm sure that is the case--his drinking has escalated in recent weeks, to go along with the increasingly crazy quacks. I just no longer feel the need to go down with the ship.

amy55

With ships, there are always life boats. You are just jumping on one of them instead of going down.

It's going to be crazy these next few weeks. I can guarantee you that. It will go from you are the worst person on the face of the earth, then turn to you are the best person. (That dam hoover period, I wish we could just shoot them). Quacking like ducks all over the place.

I think my avatar is a papillon, french for butterfly. The dog I would get if I didn't have 4 cats. (lol)

Wisconsin, you are doing terrific. You are such an
awesome person. I think I may have bit, but you didn't.

My hero. Keep going strong, you have an army behind you.

amy

healthyagain

Sorry, must share. Here is what I got today:

"So, you are going to come back if I stop drinking? Cos I was just looking into it (finding a doctor)."
"I was drinking on our honeymoon because you told me to buy champagne. And I know nothing about that stuff!" (I swear I do not remember I told him to buy champagne.)
"Only four people know you left." hahahaha, right

Kimmieh

Priceless....

johnno1

Omg once you realise what it all is and your off the merry go round its just absolutely ridiculous! !!!!! Its hard to beleive I used to beleive it all.

the other day my ex ah accused me of leaving because im lazy to work at our marriage and im using alcohol as an excuse to leave......really!!??

Liveitwell

^^ J-I've heard the exact same words-literally. I was told after we divirced months ago, among many other things, that I should have worked at our marriage harder and that I blamed everything on his drinking and think everyone is an alcoholic. Um, yeah...no thank you and no more for me! Love this thread, btw.

hopeful4

Ugh Wisconsin. Isn't it amazing the quacks they can crank out when pressed to the wall! Good for you to not engage. Unfortunately, they can cause them to really pull out some good ones.

You are so so close. Keep up the good work!!!!

Much love and many hugs to all! XXX

garfiild

Yep, verbatim and routinely. Along with, I think I'm perfect. And, I really should worry about my own problems (i.e., become my s/o's idea of perfect, whatever that may be at any given moment).

hopeful4

Oh yes....for me it's always that I think I am better than everyone else. LOL...No, I am just not a dirty drunk.

Wisconsin

I get that ALL THE TIME, Hopeful. Constantly that I think I'm better than him, I'm a snob, etc.

Three guesses who actually walks around the house trash talking and criticizing others CONSTANTLY. It's not me!

garfiild

OMG! Wisconsin, YOU'RE a snob TOO???? Wow! So am I!!! And Hopeful, it seems the THREE of us ALL think we're better than everyone else! hahahahaha

I also get called an elitist now, thanks to someone who taught my s/o the word. (Actually it could have been me, explaining it while watching a tv show a couple years back). That one always drives me bonkers - and of course, the word is NEVER used properly so the insults don't even make sense. Being called an elitist irritates the holy heck out of me regardless. I prefer thinking that I'm perfect!

hopeful4

LOL garfiild and Wisconsin...we are just a bunch of perfect, snobby, elitist, know it alls!

honeypig

Me too, me too! In addition to thinking I'm perfect, I always want things done on MY schedule. He's going to get sober and quit smoking, just not on MY schedule...

Are you guys impatient, too?