Seeking help for my Dad
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
Seeking help for my Dad
Hi all,
So to give you background on me I'm 24 and I have two sisters. My one sister is married and lives in her own house, my other sister lives at home with my Mom and my Dad.
I found relief from the toxic relationship inside my house by living away from home during my university years, but now that I'm back from university it has become a problem again.
Basically my Dad is a chain-smoking alcoholic and has been for many years now. I think the problem stems from him being adopted as a child and not really knowing his biological mother until much later in life.
I first knew about this probably about 6 or 7 years ago and my response (as well as the rest of my family) was to kind of just not think about it and hope the situation would figure itself out.
My Dad has always been a charming guy to anyone he meets and I know deep down he is a good person, but his alcoholism makes him act in such toxic ways. One minute everything will be fine and he will be all cheery and ten minutes later he is a big ball of stress and anger over trivial things. My Dad has never got violent with any of us but he does get abusive both verbally and mentally. He is the definition of a toxic person, he will keep pecking at you until you eventually break down and force yourself onto his level and find anger and resentment.
My relationship with my sister who lives in the house with me has been shaky for quite a while because of the environment in the home, but I think we both are starting to see that we don't hate each other we just hate our situation. My Mom has long thought of leaving my Dad but unfortunately for her she is trapped financially in the relationship and has to participate in a loveless marriage. She does this by being very passive aggressive so oftentimes our dinners will revolve around my Dad giving a rundown of the day and my Mom bleakly ignoring him or softly answering questions with a single word.
It's very tough to live in this environment and until about a couple months ago I haven't confronted either of them about it really, although my disdain is overt. My Mom knows that we are all in an unhappy situation but she doesn't know what to do.
And I guess I don't know what to do either. I'm coming to the age in my life where I'll be moving out soon and living my life and I feel ashamed that my family or myself hasn't really tried to help my Dad with his problem in so much as just try to ignore it. I know his health is already bad and I don't honestly know how much longer his body can take the abuse and stress of his lifestyle, and I very much love my Dad and I don't want to see him gone. I hate who he has become but I know that he is a good person and I want to help him.
My Dad's alcoholism quietly is destroying my family relationship and his stress and anxiety is eating at my own mental state. I guess I'm just sharing this story to show any addicts what pain you can cause someone in your family, even if the family member doesn't tell you how hurt they are they still are being torn by your addiction.
As well, I was wondering if anyone had similar stories or advice on what I can do for my dad. I want to help him and I don't know where to even start or if he CAN or WILL even change his lifestyle.
Thank you for reading this.
So to give you background on me I'm 24 and I have two sisters. My one sister is married and lives in her own house, my other sister lives at home with my Mom and my Dad.
I found relief from the toxic relationship inside my house by living away from home during my university years, but now that I'm back from university it has become a problem again.
Basically my Dad is a chain-smoking alcoholic and has been for many years now. I think the problem stems from him being adopted as a child and not really knowing his biological mother until much later in life.
I first knew about this probably about 6 or 7 years ago and my response (as well as the rest of my family) was to kind of just not think about it and hope the situation would figure itself out.
My Dad has always been a charming guy to anyone he meets and I know deep down he is a good person, but his alcoholism makes him act in such toxic ways. One minute everything will be fine and he will be all cheery and ten minutes later he is a big ball of stress and anger over trivial things. My Dad has never got violent with any of us but he does get abusive both verbally and mentally. He is the definition of a toxic person, he will keep pecking at you until you eventually break down and force yourself onto his level and find anger and resentment.
My relationship with my sister who lives in the house with me has been shaky for quite a while because of the environment in the home, but I think we both are starting to see that we don't hate each other we just hate our situation. My Mom has long thought of leaving my Dad but unfortunately for her she is trapped financially in the relationship and has to participate in a loveless marriage. She does this by being very passive aggressive so oftentimes our dinners will revolve around my Dad giving a rundown of the day and my Mom bleakly ignoring him or softly answering questions with a single word.
It's very tough to live in this environment and until about a couple months ago I haven't confronted either of them about it really, although my disdain is overt. My Mom knows that we are all in an unhappy situation but she doesn't know what to do.
And I guess I don't know what to do either. I'm coming to the age in my life where I'll be moving out soon and living my life and I feel ashamed that my family or myself hasn't really tried to help my Dad with his problem in so much as just try to ignore it. I know his health is already bad and I don't honestly know how much longer his body can take the abuse and stress of his lifestyle, and I very much love my Dad and I don't want to see him gone. I hate who he has become but I know that he is a good person and I want to help him.
My Dad's alcoholism quietly is destroying my family relationship and his stress and anxiety is eating at my own mental state. I guess I'm just sharing this story to show any addicts what pain you can cause someone in your family, even if the family member doesn't tell you how hurt they are they still are being torn by your addiction.
As well, I was wondering if anyone had similar stories or advice on what I can do for my dad. I want to help him and I don't know where to even start or if he CAN or WILL even change his lifestyle.
Thank you for reading this.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by dangles72 
As well, I was wondering if anyone had similar stories or advice on what I can do for my dad. I want to help him and I don't know where to even start or if he CAN or WILL even change his lifestyle.
While reading, make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. This thread is from that area and has some good basic info that you'd probably benefit from: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'd also like to suggest Alanon as a face-to-face resource and support system for you. SR and Alanon in combination have helped me a great deal.
I'm sorry for all that you and the rest of your family have gone thru; alcoholism is an ugly disease. The good news in all of this is that, no matter what your dad does or doesn't do (and yes, the decision to seek sobriety is his and only his), you can find ways to make your own life more peaceful and happier.
Again, welcome to SR. I hope you keep coming back to read, post, learn and grow w/the rest of us.
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