Not Quite Sure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
Not Quite Sure
How I feel, it has been 3 months since my abf of 11 years decided to let me go. I have not spoken to him at all , no new contact no new hurts right??
He sent me a birthday text but thats it.
I am not sure where I am in the grieving process. It does not feel like a normal grief. I go back and forth with being ok and moving on , to struggling with letting go and daydreaming about contact with him.
I still have some hope that he will get help and realize we could have a good life if we both work a program, Stupid thinking I know. I have tried to date other men, whicch just makes me miss him more. I am not comparing ( these men treat me wonderfully , they show me that i could and should be cherished) , but they are just not him. I still cry most days , but pray to accept the end of this relationship. Wow I must be stubborn. I go to Alanon reqularly and have a great sponsor , I know I have gotten better , the obssesing has nearly stopped, but thoughts still pop into my mind. I struggle with remembering why I should not be with him. I need help to remember the bad stuff... It is slipping from my mind. I am however, relizing that I gave so much, I was not the nagging crazy girlfirnd 90% of the time , I do have some blame in the end. i do not need to blame myself for situations that were not my fault. I tend to put all of the issues we had on myself and blame the demise only on me. Just some ramblings I guess....
He sent me a birthday text but thats it.
I am not sure where I am in the grieving process. It does not feel like a normal grief. I go back and forth with being ok and moving on , to struggling with letting go and daydreaming about contact with him.
I still have some hope that he will get help and realize we could have a good life if we both work a program, Stupid thinking I know. I have tried to date other men, whicch just makes me miss him more. I am not comparing ( these men treat me wonderfully , they show me that i could and should be cherished) , but they are just not him. I still cry most days , but pray to accept the end of this relationship. Wow I must be stubborn. I go to Alanon reqularly and have a great sponsor , I know I have gotten better , the obssesing has nearly stopped, but thoughts still pop into my mind. I struggle with remembering why I should not be with him. I need help to remember the bad stuff... It is slipping from my mind. I am however, relizing that I gave so much, I was not the nagging crazy girlfirnd 90% of the time , I do have some blame in the end. i do not need to blame myself for situations that were not my fault. I tend to put all of the issues we had on myself and blame the demise only on me. Just some ramblings I guess....
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh honey, my heart hurts for you and what you are going through. It's really harder than grieving a death in my opinion, b/c they are not physically gone from life, so our mind has a harder time of letting go. Of wondering what could be.
Thing is, he showed you who he is. The grieving process is a back and forth process. One step forward, two back. Just keep moving forward. With time, it does get better. It may not seem so now, and it may take a while, but I promise that it does.
Thing is, he showed you who he is. The grieving process is a back and forth process. One step forward, two back. Just keep moving forward. With time, it does get better. It may not seem so now, and it may take a while, but I promise that it does.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Oh, my heart aches too....I am in similar situation but mine is way in the early stages...it's only been a week. (with my AH for two years).
I had a relationship before that was 12 years and even though I broke it off there was an adjustment period for me...I think it was adjusting to being a single mom. I would look at all the other kids with two parents and here I was...ugh, it was not easy. But, then I would remember how chaotic it was when he lived with us and how much more peaceful my home was without him there. I still have to talk to him since he is the father of my ex, but I don't have any feelings like that for him any more. And you know how that happened? Time...
Kudos to you for going out there and dating. I couldn't do that for well over a year. Maybe going to therapy might help? Call someone in Al Anon...it will get better. Sometimes just even posting here helps...just to get it out...you are not alone...I too struggle with this. Thanks for posting...Hugs to you.
I had a relationship before that was 12 years and even though I broke it off there was an adjustment period for me...I think it was adjusting to being a single mom. I would look at all the other kids with two parents and here I was...ugh, it was not easy. But, then I would remember how chaotic it was when he lived with us and how much more peaceful my home was without him there. I still have to talk to him since he is the father of my ex, but I don't have any feelings like that for him any more. And you know how that happened? Time...
Kudos to you for going out there and dating. I couldn't do that for well over a year. Maybe going to therapy might help? Call someone in Al Anon...it will get better. Sometimes just even posting here helps...just to get it out...you are not alone...I too struggle with this. Thanks for posting...Hugs to you.
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