Is hate bad?

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06-30-2015, 09:37 AM

# 21 (permalink)

Timetoheal12

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Quote:

Originally Posted by redatlanta

Hate usually ends in retaliation, and that's not a good thing. it can also stagnate growth to move from a situation and let it go. I also think its a common Apex when someone has hurt us like the crescent of a Bell Curve. At best it should be temporary and short. Sounds like you are already moving on from it.

I hope so. Thank you!

06-30-2015, 09:41 AM

# 22 (permalink)

Timetoheal12

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Quote:

Originally Posted by barelybreathing

I can totally relate as I hated my xabf. I went no contact, did and am still working on my own recovery. And what I have found is this: I don't hate him or myself anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days where I get angry, but I now see things so much clearer. My xabf's chooses to not get sober. It's his choice. My choice is to remove myself from that toxic relationship. I went into this thing with him knowing he was an alcoholic, I thought I could change him. But quickly found out that living with an alcoholic didn't change him, but changed me.

He still reaches out to me via email. I have an RO against him but he ignores it. He is nice at first but then soon gets very nasty when he doesn't get a response. The nastiness doesn't even hurt me anymore. He is sick and this disease called alcoholism is killing him. But again it's his choice.

Take care of you, work on your recovery and I promise you the hate will disappear. It might take awhile, but it will leave you. At least it did for me. What have you done for yourself today? Be gentle and kind to yourself....you deserve it!

(((Hugs)))

It's always nice to hear from people that have moved on. Thank you for the support.
Yes, a relationship with my ex is no longer what I want, let alone, need. Still, I hope that someday I can remember the good times and not hate him at all, nor love him, of course.

As for me, well, I'm going on a trip on a few hours. I'll be far away from home for three weeks and I'm very excited. I will do this in hopes that it also helps with my feelings, as they seem to come and go, but they're still pretty hard.

Thanks again!

06-30-2015, 11:45 AM

# 23 (permalink)

firebolt

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Join Date: Jan 2012

Posts: 3,699

Getting away is a perfect situation for contemplation, putting things in perspective, and washing all the nonsense away. Have fun on your trip!

06-30-2015, 12:10 PM

# 24 (permalink)

SuzyMarie

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Join Date: Dec 2011

Location: Another Earth

Posts: 172

Not much to add, but just wanted to say I sympathize and, almost a year later, I still struggle with this at times...just this last week in fact! I direct a lot of the 'hate' toward myself, too and I know this is not good for my self esteem. I know when I am feeling lonely, hormonal, or tired these feelings are exacerbated. Thankfully, due to Al Anon, self care, and distance I am able to process it quicker each time. I am not exactly where I want to be, but I am so much better than I used to be! Thanks everyone for sharing ♥♥

06-30-2015, 07:03 PM

# 25 (permalink)

NYCDoglvr

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Join Date: Nov 2010

Location: New York, NY

Posts: 6,262

There's a Buddhist saying: we're not punished for our anger, we're punished WITH our anger. I resented letting a destructive person live rent-free in my head. I knew he sure didn't care. And because I couldn't live with all the negativity I went to Alanon where the Steps and a terrific sponsor changed my life.

How I get rid of a resentment today is to ask myself: what's MY part in this? In the case of the ex, I picked him. I never wanted to go through this again so I had to change. I learned that to have self-esteem you must take "esteemable" actions. Alanon is a program of action ... we can't think ourselves to being happy, healthy people making good choices.