Want to help but he's driving me crazy and grossing me out.

Old 06-28-2015, 07:45 AM
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Want to help but he's driving me crazy and grossing me out.

Just sharing what I'm dealing with here. Planning on taking my brother to the hospital tomorrow. For those who don't know, he's in bad shape. In the meantime, he's driving me crazy and grossing me out also. I feel bad for saying it as he really could be dying, but as in past relapses, he always wants me to "hang out". Yesterday I spent 2 1/2 hrs in and out of his room talking (make that ATTEMPTING to talk) to him, and almost 3 hrs late last night. Thing is, if he asks me a question that should take 1 minute to answer it winds up being an incredible struggle. As I get 3 words out he cuts me off and starts rambling. I start again, he cuts me off. He sees I'm getting angry and says I'm stressing him and making it worse. I try to explain that him continually cutting me off is very frustrating......but when I try to say even that.....he cuts me off. So I shut his door.and walk away. It's amazing how much time gets sucked away and so little conversation takes place.
The other thing is, his room, (at least the immediate area he sits in), is disgusting. As in past relapses, he throws up, usually missing most in the can so it gets on him and on the carpet in front and to the side of him. Plus he'll pee himself sometimes. I keep telling him, "PLEASE stop sitting your drink on the carpet in front of you, you have a coffee table". Nope....right there in all that nastiness. In one ear, out the other! Of course when he walks it gets tracked to other parts of his room and into other rooms he walks into. I'm washing my feet or spraying them with disinfectant often, and spraying the carpet. (I'm a mild germophobe, lol). So I love him but he's gross to be around and it seems like he's doing almost all he can to make conversation difficult. I feel kinda bad about that. Not sure if anyones had similar experiences but just thought I'd vent.
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:03 AM
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He is awfully far gone.

I will pray for him and you. Can you get him help today?
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:17 AM
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Thanks for the prayers. He's been this far gone and this gross on his last several relapses. He's only relapsed about a month this time so I hope he didn't do too much more damage. I'd be willing to take him today, but the plan is for him to get his dose of methadone tomorrow then straight to the hospital. That way there's a little something in him when withdrawal starts. (They seem to not provide proper relief from methadone withdrawal). He's on it for neuropathy pain in his feet and other pain.
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Old 06-28-2015, 01:31 PM
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Readysteady, as you read in my post, my experience is somewhat similar in dealing with my sister. I don't know anything about how your brother got to this point, only what you informed in your post. I understand the mixed feelings, and the sense of responsibility on your shoulders. But if there's one thing I learned in all these years having to deal with a hardcore alcoholic is that she is not my responsibity, period. I won't fight her to get her treatment, rehab, nothing. I'm waay over that phase. And even though I don't live with her, she still sucks the life out of me and everyone else.
Like I said, I don't know any details of your situation, but your brother sounds like he will destroy himself and everyone around him in the process - you for sure.
I'm sorry if I don't have any comforting words, my experience is harsh, and my advice to people dealing with alcoholics is always this: run away as soon as you can.

Take care. PM me if you want to talk.

B.
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Old 06-28-2015, 02:30 PM
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I remember going into my husbands bathroom after he had moved out to clean it. It was disgusting. His drinking at that time was at an all time high, and it seems like the first thing to go was cleanliness. The tub and sink were a nightmare, and I'm pretty sure those were vomit spots on the wall.

My X is a pretty tidy guy. Very vain. When ever he left the house he looked good. He kept the parts of the house he shared with my daughter and me picked up. But his bathroom and, to a lesser extent, his bedroom were a mess.

My heart goes out to you (and your brother). You're in a very difficult place.

Good luck to him tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you both.
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Old 06-28-2015, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Biancafp View Post
Readysteady, as you read in my post, my experience is somewhat similar in dealing with my sister. I don't know anything about how your brother got to this point, only what you informed in your post. I understand the mixed feelings, and the sense of responsibility on your shoulders. But if there's one thing I learned in all these years having to deal with a hardcore alcoholic is that she is not my responsibity, period. I won't fight her to get her treatment, rehab, nothing. I'm waay over that phase. And even though I don't live with her, she still sucks the life out of me and everyone else.
Like I said, I don't know any details of your situation, but your brother sounds like he will destroy himself and everyone around him in the process - you for sure.
I'm sorry if I don't have any comforting words, my experience is harsh, and my advice to people dealing with alcoholics is always this: run away as soon as you can.

Take care. PM me if you want to talk.

B.
Thanks Biancafp! Boy do I hear you about it sucking the life out of you. What makes it worse id I DO live under thr same roof....in a small condo...along with our father who's had it. And he's also already upset cause his brothers in the hospital. My brother's had many many relapses since he first got sick in 2005. I'd say oh....about 20 relapses since then. If I had another place to go I would. I'm barely paying my bills now as it is. I can, however, stay a night or 2 at friends house and occasionally stay in an inexpensive motel.....feels like the vacation of a lifetime! The plan is as soon as he gets dosed at the methadone clinic it's straight to the hospital. And if he plays that not getting out of the car crap for a half hour I'll call security. Keep you posted. Thanks!
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Old 06-28-2015, 07:09 PM
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Originally Posted by SeriousKarma View Post
I remember going into my husbands bathroom after he had moved out to clean it. It was disgusting. His drinking at that time was at an all time high, and it seems like the first thing to go was cleanliness. The tub and sink were a nightmare, and I'm pretty sure those were vomit spots on the wall.

My X is a pretty tidy guy. Very vain. When ever he left the house he looked good. He kept the parts of the house he shared with my daughter and me picked up. But his bathroom and, to a lesser extent, his bedroom were a mess.

My heart goes out to you (and your brother). You're in a very difficult place.

Good luck to him tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you both.
Thank you, SeriousKarma! I hope your ex got himself straightened out. Yeah whenever my brother relapses he and his surroundings are a mess. He always wants me or our dad to come hang with him, but he drives us crazy. An absolute time-suck. He'll want to put on a video or clip from a movie and takes a long time doing it, and repeatedly rewind back to a scene or line. When trying to talk to him he cuts us off whwn we get 3 words in. He has a living room chair that he sits in with a table in front and to the side of him. He puked several times with most of it missing the can. He pees himself now n then. He spits hockers and mostly misses the can. I've repeatedly told him to stop setting his drink down on the carpet, yet he keeps doing it, along with his pint bottle that gets refilled. He frequently loses things right where he sits....lighter, phone, etc, and asks for help finding them. Yuuuck! I wash my hands alot but even moreso now. I have to constantly remind him to clean his cup before making another drink. Soon as he's in the hospital we're getting a carpet cleaner and first "crop dusting" the carpet and every surface with disinfectant spray. And when I think everythings clean I'm doing it again. All remotes, door knobs, you name it. Tomorrow is gonna be quite a day....get him to methadone clinic, then the hospital (and pray he doesn't procrastinate to thr end), and hope I can make it to work by 4:30.
Thanks much for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.
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Old 06-29-2015, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Readysteady View Post
Soon as he's in the hospital we're getting a carpet cleaner and first "crop dusting" the carpet and every surface with disinfectant spray.
FYI... I loaned my vacuum once to someone who used a powder carpet refresher. I didn't realize at the time that my Dyson vacuum couldn't handle powder, and says so in the instructions. I had to get a replacement engine for it (yay Dyson for sending one for free). So please be careful that you don't go hog wild with the cleaning and breaking something.

Let us know how things go with your brother, and remember to get some rest.
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Old 06-29-2015, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by SeriousKarma View Post
FYI... I loaned my vacuum once to someone who used a powder carpet refresher. I didn't realize at the time that my Dyson vacuum couldn't handle powder, and says so in the instructions. I had to get a replacement engine for it (yay Dyson for sending one for free). So please be careful that you don't go hog wild with the cleaning and breaking something.

Let us know how things go with your brother, and remember to get some rest.
Wow good of Dyson to do that for you! I'm not big on carpet powders myself....they might make it smell.better but don't really clean amd don't kill germs. But I'll get things clean for sure.
Well I just got him to the hospital. I couldn't stay til he was officially in this time cause I can't afford to miss work. He's worried they won't keep him. Let alone the alcohol detox, I'd think a swollen belly from not peeing for 4 days is reason enough. I'll keep you posted. He really really needs help after he's out. Psychological as well as his addictions.
Thanks!
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