I think my daughter is near death
 

I am new here, never posted, but today feel compelled to write. My daughter, age 23, has been using since age 14. I have suffered greatly enabling her all the way. She has been to tons of rehab, halfway houses, ER, etc yet continues to use. She called me this morning at 3 am. She is in a horrible space and was begging for help. I refuse to send more money. I pray that she finally hits rock bottom and gets clean. No one can do it for her. We have all tried. She is in AZ now as I sent her to rehab in Jan 2015. It hasn't helped at all. My heart aches. It is like she is dead. I cry for the daughter I once had - kind, beautiful, smart, capable. Now that is all lost. I just need to be sad for now and pray for her. I am usually so strong and can set boundaries, but today I feel so weak and raw just crying for her all day. Any comfort or advice is appreciated.

Comforted prayers sent your way.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish you nothing but the best! xxx

katelop, I am so sorry for your pain. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.

Kate, I'm so sorry for what brought you here. You recognize the enabling. That's GOOD. Please please PLEASE do not respond to her with any "help". $, transportation, a place to live... nothing. As you can see, that has never worked in the past. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Hopefully once she sees she's truly on her own to figure it out, perhaps THAT will be her rock bottom and she will choose to come clean. You say she "uses"... what's her DOC other than the alcohol?

My heart goes out to you and your daughter in this difficult and sorrowful time.

Remember, and believe the alanon credo: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

We are with you,

ShootingStar1

My daughter's DOC is mainly alcohol, but she uses heroin, meth and benzos. She claims that she "can't help it, I'm an addict and no one will help me" She wanted money for food she said, but I know it was for booze or drugs. I had food delivered to her home a few days ago. She continues to lie and steal, manipulating others to feed her habit. When I am angry, it seems easier to set boundaries and hang up when she gets abusive. When I am sad, my heart just aches and grieves for her. I know I didn't cause it, and I cannot fix it. Nothing I have done has ever helped in the long run. I fear the phone call from the hospital, or worse. I feel helpless.

My heart hurts for all you are going through. Keep posting, you are not alone!!!!

I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, and I've added you and your daughter to my prayers tonight. Hugs.

Hi Kate it's the right thing to do, but it's so hard. My heart goes out to you. I hope that now you're stopping all help except food that she finally realises she has to do this for herself.
Heartless as it seems, you removing that safety net in her mind might be the mental snap she needs to have. It's like she's been counting on someone coming through with money, rehab, whatever so she can keep using just that bit longer.

Heartfelt Prayers & Love to you & your Daughter

I'm so sorry for your pain katelop, but I'm glad you found us. There is so much support here :)

D

Thank you so much. I need strength and she needs protection and gods love to pull her
 

Thank you for your prayers, truly appreciated.

She is really counting on another enabler to step up and take over. She keeps sending texts and begging for help. I talked w my son tonight, her older brother, who just said the same thing. But ultimately she gets to choose to use or to stop. Right now she is choosing alcohol. I know that I cannot be involved w her when she is using. It's too painful and essentially fruitless. "Nothing changes, if nothing changes" I know that I am the only one I can change. All my love, prayers, begging, enabling has resulted in a big fat zero in terms of her getting sober. I surrender.

So sorry for your sadness pain and heRtarch katelop.

We all feel your sorrow.

I a. So glas you are here. We will help hold you up along this difficult path.

Take care Phiz :grouphug:

I'm sorry, too, kate. I never had to deal with addiction in a child (yet--I sometimes think my younger son is "in training"). As hard as it is, you are doing the right thing. Your "helping" her the way she WANTS to be "helped" will only prolong her suffering. There are many places she can get REAL help if she is willing--and usually that kind of willingness requires a certain level of desperation.

Hugs, stick around here--you'll find lots of support and love.

Thank you
 

Thanks and hugs to you all. So glad I have a place to go to for support outside of my Alanon group.

I'm sorry you're going through this, the worry must be overwhelming. I wonder is it worse having them far away, wondering what could happen to them, or them in the same household plucking your last nerve almost everytime you see them and knowing you're always coming home to that?
My brother's been in rehabs before, but always relapsed not long after being out. It's hard to believe he keeps relapsing, even though he winds up miserable and told that his liver really can't take more relapses.....3 relapses ago! Hang in there! Thoughts and prayers to you.

I'm sending many, many prayers for strength and peace in your direction. I'm praying, as well, for your girl. Glad you found us, as you will find so much support here. xo

So sorry, prying for peace for you and hope for her.x

I don't even know what to say. Thinking of you.