I told him to leave but he's pretending I didn't
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: cicero ny
Posts: 65
Hold onto that strength as tight as you can. You did a great job telling him to leave and I am so proud of you for not backing down. Don't let him manipulate you into changing your mind. I know you can do this. Divorce is not any easy thing to go through, but we're all here for you.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
First of all KUDOS L~ That pain in the stomach ....wow I thought It was just me! Everytime you have to repeat yourself on how you feel when you just got done telling them 2 hours ago! Among many other things .....that pain in the stomach! Wow! Keep climbing that mountain L~ that is awesome!
Now Sandy ...."I'm sitting here feeling the same way. I haven't responded because my irrational side says to blow a fuse and my rational side says don't say anything or there'll be consequences. Is there no protection out there?"
It is a shame that there is not more protection especially in this situation! I woke up one morning to a dead lobster and everything I ever gave my A Boyfriend...on my porch! Never even knew he was there! Then the next night I woke up to POUNDING on the door and a sound of glass shattering! My heart raced a mile a minute I thought I was dead! It turned out that I was so afraid ...that I was DREAMING! It is the reason why I feel so many of us just do not respond and try to keep the peace because we know and are not ready to deal with the consequences! Well said!
God bless to all of you!
Now Sandy ...."I'm sitting here feeling the same way. I haven't responded because my irrational side says to blow a fuse and my rational side says don't say anything or there'll be consequences. Is there no protection out there?"
It is a shame that there is not more protection especially in this situation! I woke up one morning to a dead lobster and everything I ever gave my A Boyfriend...on my porch! Never even knew he was there! Then the next night I woke up to POUNDING on the door and a sound of glass shattering! My heart raced a mile a minute I thought I was dead! It turned out that I was so afraid ...that I was DREAMING! It is the reason why I feel so many of us just do not respond and try to keep the peace because we know and are not ready to deal with the consequences! Well said!
God bless to all of you!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
The funny thing about the dead lobster is it was for dinner the night before ....the dinner that he blew off because he was drunk and passed out at 3pm until 10 pm that night! With no phone call or anything ...then came to my house and saw I was not home because I was out (plan b always good to have) with friends down the shore playing minature golf and just enjoying the FUN! The consequence of that dinner that he slept through the next morning was my fault! IMAGINE THAT!
Getting busy living!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Worcester MA
Posts: 199
Hi,
I live in Massachusetts and when I asked my first husband that I wanted a divorce I was told by my lawyer that I couldn't file the papers until he was physically out of the house. I gave my ex 30 days to find a new place to live. Didn't take 30 days only about 3 weeks, the worst 3 weeks of my life and in the end he was taken out in hand-cuffs. He came home from work, drunk of course, and he proceeded to try to kill me. Horrible experience but at least it got him out of the house and he has never set foot inside again! So, just be careful.
But I do understand about how you felt after you asked him to leave. I didn't feel the relief until he was physically gone. As the police were taking him out of the house it felt like they were taking the one-ton weight I had been dragging around for so long with them!
Stay strong and stay safe!
Good Luck,
Janet
I live in Massachusetts and when I asked my first husband that I wanted a divorce I was told by my lawyer that I couldn't file the papers until he was physically out of the house. I gave my ex 30 days to find a new place to live. Didn't take 30 days only about 3 weeks, the worst 3 weeks of my life and in the end he was taken out in hand-cuffs. He came home from work, drunk of course, and he proceeded to try to kill me. Horrible experience but at least it got him out of the house and he has never set foot inside again! So, just be careful.
But I do understand about how you felt after you asked him to leave. I didn't feel the relief until he was physically gone. As the police were taking him out of the house it felt like they were taking the one-ton weight I had been dragging around for so long with them!
Stay strong and stay safe!
Good Luck,
Janet
Barn Goddess
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by Rella927
(plan b always good to have) with friends down the shore playing minature golf
Marti (Jersey Girl born and raised)
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Lorelai,
Of course he is trying to pretend you didn't say it. I'm sure he hopes that you will forget it, or change your mind. He doesn't understand how much thought, struggle, and growth has gone into that one conversation. Just keep moving forward. Reality will sink in when the wheels that were set in motion continue to roll. I know how hard you have worked to find yourself and take responsibility for your life. You have become a strong, self confident woman. I admire how you are handling this. Hugs, Magic
Of course he is trying to pretend you didn't say it. I'm sure he hopes that you will forget it, or change your mind. He doesn't understand how much thought, struggle, and growth has gone into that one conversation. Just keep moving forward. Reality will sink in when the wheels that were set in motion continue to roll. I know how hard you have worked to find yourself and take responsibility for your life. You have become a strong, self confident woman. I admire how you are handling this. Hugs, Magic
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Marti~
If you look under my name it states NJ....Jersey Girl here all the way! I'm down the shore almost every weekend! Family there!
=) *smile*
If you look under my name it states NJ....Jersey Girl here all the way! I'm down the shore almost every weekend! Family there!
=) *smile*
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
I went to see an attorney and, for those interested, here's the scoop as far as Texas goes.
If he doesn't want to leave the house, you can file for divorce. You will then live with him until it is determined (by both of you or by the court) who gets to keep the house. The only way you can force him to leave is with a restraining order in the case of physical violence.
The good news is that I think I can handle it either way. If he decides to stay, that's just less time that I have to handle the bills on my own - always a silver lining.
L
If he doesn't want to leave the house, you can file for divorce. You will then live with him until it is determined (by both of you or by the court) who gets to keep the house. The only way you can force him to leave is with a restraining order in the case of physical violence.
The good news is that I think I can handle it either way. If he decides to stay, that's just less time that I have to handle the bills on my own - always a silver lining.
L
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
what i know:
if you are married and both your names are on the mortgage then you can't kick him out. you can get a separation agreement until the divorce is final and that might spell out temp support, living arrangements, but he has to agree to it. Of course if he is hurting you then you can go the restraining order route but I think YOU have to leave. You can't kick him out of his own house.
My ex (not an alcoholic) and I lived together for two months until he moved into an apt. He said he needed that long to get the apt he wanted. I slept in another room. I got the house in the divorce settlement. Indiana is a 50/50 state. So he got more of the retirement fund.
My ASO just recently moved out of my house. He hinted that he wouldn't go. So I looked into my options. Only my name is on the mortgage so I can get a protective order and have him evicted by the sheriff's deparment. It takes less than an hour - I apply for it at a woman's shelter and they take it to the courthouse for you. He has to get his things out of my house under the supervision of law enforcement. And the protective order is good for 2 years...better than a restraining order.
Fortunately when I told him of these plans...he left of his own accord and quit terrorizing me with all his threats of what he would do....call my work, call a co-worker, and just a bunch of stupid stuff.
I would put it in writing. Let him know you met with an attorney. You need to interview some anyway. Get one lined up. THAT will open his eyes. Sleep in another room. If you think he might get violent seek advice from a woman's shelter. Be prepared for all possibilities.
good luck
if you are married and both your names are on the mortgage then you can't kick him out. you can get a separation agreement until the divorce is final and that might spell out temp support, living arrangements, but he has to agree to it. Of course if he is hurting you then you can go the restraining order route but I think YOU have to leave. You can't kick him out of his own house.
My ex (not an alcoholic) and I lived together for two months until he moved into an apt. He said he needed that long to get the apt he wanted. I slept in another room. I got the house in the divorce settlement. Indiana is a 50/50 state. So he got more of the retirement fund.
My ASO just recently moved out of my house. He hinted that he wouldn't go. So I looked into my options. Only my name is on the mortgage so I can get a protective order and have him evicted by the sheriff's deparment. It takes less than an hour - I apply for it at a woman's shelter and they take it to the courthouse for you. He has to get his things out of my house under the supervision of law enforcement. And the protective order is good for 2 years...better than a restraining order.
Fortunately when I told him of these plans...he left of his own accord and quit terrorizing me with all his threats of what he would do....call my work, call a co-worker, and just a bunch of stupid stuff.
I would put it in writing. Let him know you met with an attorney. You need to interview some anyway. Get one lined up. THAT will open his eyes. Sleep in another room. If you think he might get violent seek advice from a woman's shelter. Be prepared for all possibilities.
good luck
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