Jodie77

I permanently deleted my Instagram account and also deactivated FB. Next step is email and phone number change.

atalose

You are not alone in that thinking, I believe many of us thought that and found out the hard way.

I think it was mentioned above that his issues go much deeper then drugs/alcohol. The alcohol/drugs seem to be a symptom of something much deeper.

When we know better we do better. Stick with your therapy and CODA meetings, posting here and get back to YOUR life and try your best to stay out of his.

Maybe be thankful that you are NOT the wife!!!!

Praying

And it's SO understandable when you held your ground over time and he "showed you" his changed self over that stretch...and added GOD to the mix...

Very, very hard not to believe. I understand and I'm sorry you had to experience this.

Carlotta

Great job Jodie

iamthird

My STBXAH has gone back and forth between me and enabling gf so many times I have lost count. I made a comment after the last time to one of my friends saying "and she will probably take him back again" and then my good friend said "just like you always do!". It really opened my eyes! We want to villify the other woman at times and the reality is he is the one being chaotic. In working my recovery I realize that the other woman is a child of God and has issues like I do too if she is taking him back every time. I never thought Id be saying that here on SR because I hated enabling gf for so long but it is not her fault. My STBXAH is the one doing this, allowing her into our marriage and our family.

I am pretty sure STBXAH never told enabling gf all the times he has engaged with me physically, emotionally, etc...He has done those outlandish things too by tattooing my name then going back to her and covering it up. It is seriously just manipulation and not healthy.

The only thing you can do right now. is just do YOU. Take care of you. I know its hard because some days I could not even get out of bed because the pain of all the deception was so vivid.

No contact is really the only way to a healthier life. You can do it. Use SR, your therapist, your girlfriends. Alanon!! You can do it!!!

CodeJob

Hey Jodie!

Glad you are back here. I hope you have a loooong name. It's going to hurt being taken off if Vegas wife sticks for more than a few weeks....

iGirl66

Yeah, this guy has issues way past booze and coke. He is one sick puppy. No one is going to say I told you so because many of us see ourselves in this. The heart can lie to us so well. Block, cut allllll ties, type up his obituary and pretend he's dead if you have to. Write yourself in as his widow if it helps, but leave the body buried and rebuild your soul.

fluffyflea

Block him off of every possible way he could possibly contact you.

The guy has some very deep issues.

redatlanta

I figured you went back. Know that from experience

Jodie please remember, in the future - in any relationship you have. If people will do it with you, they will do it to you.

Word.

Welcome back!

kayleezen

Thank you for that iamthird, the second an OW got into my exab's relapse I flipped into complete terror. I could foresee what you just described above happening to me.

Somehow I got the strength to go NC and changed my number the minute he deliberately tried to use it to hurt me. It didn't matter what was even true, if he was going there, I was going away fast.

I've seen these triangles destroy women and in my case, it was the quickest way to deflect away from his relapse and throw me off.
So far he's left me be except for a flower on the door-however I have to remind myself every day it's not okay and stay away in every viable form. It's very hard especially lately.

Thanks for posting.
kayleezen

LemonGirl

Hey Jodie.... no judgement here! Just empathy. I once had a guy with whom I went off and on with for over 6 years... and always, once I'd give in, he'd find some excuse to break it off again. And every time I went back, he'd escalate his intentions with me telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. But really? The codependent in me just wanted him to quit and allow himself to be loved.... very similar to our ploys with an addict. Ugh... the last time he pulled his crap, I was finally wise enough to say goodbye, and I am grateful for all the lessons I learned.

I deserve better. ;-)

Praying

I was thinking the same thing! And THAT seemed like it would have to bring a smile...

knowthetriggers

Hi Jodie! Welcome back hon!!

Sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Like many have stated, we have all been there done that.

What is important is what we do for ourselves to get back on track.

Hope you stick around and keep sharing!

charis78

speechless...

its okay to believe in someone. now his last actions are pretty clear behaviours that you deserve far better and he isn't who you thought he was. forgive yourself but don't go back again.

charis78

also really doubt he's sober given his poor choices....

katelop

Awareness, insight and wisdom. What a wonderful way to see it. I like this and will use it. Thanks for your post.

Readysteady

Don't feel ashamed. You gave him one more chance while he got sober, now you know.

Hopeworks

Why do they so cruel and evil when they break up with us and then flip the switch and become sickeningly sweet and seductively woo us back?

Because they can....

Why do they drink? Because that is what alcoholics do...

They are being themselves as sick as they are and we are the ones who have to have the courage to see the reality of the relationship as it really is and cut the ties that bind us....

Good for all of you giving each other strength to say... "Enough"!

Jodie77

I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out how he could literally change his mind in less than 12 hours. He was fhe most persistent, perseverant and hopeful I had ever seen him. It was endless pursuing. The bible quotes, talks of how to make his closet bigger for me, lunch dates, promising going to church with me every Sunday...then wham! I sensed him pulling away and the excuse was "I need to get healthy on my own. Everything isn't all about you. This is exactly what I don't need for my sobriety. I'll always cherish our amazing memories together."

I feel so bamboozled.

dandylion

Jodie, yes you were bamboozled. I think we all really do "get" how bad that feels.
It takes some healing time..... it just does.....

with compassion,
dandylion