The committee in my head
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
The committee in my head
I have been traveling for business - alone in Mexico - so I have had a lot of time by myself to think and ponder things.
Throughout my recovery, in many meetings over the years, I have heard talk of "the committee", those voices/thoughts that run thru my head and direct my actions.
At first this was NOT something I talked about, as I was taught that people who acknowledged voices in their heads were psychopathic or at the very least, mentally ill. But then, in meetings, I learned to understand the difference, it's more like those conflicting thoughts/feelings that pulled me in many directions at once and influenced my decision making. Depending on which committee member I listened to, I made different decisions and often found myself in more pain.
It helped me immensely to start to identify WHO was sitting on the committee. Here is what I determined
** my mother. God love her. She cares about me, but lived a sheltered life and is 2 things: she is afraid, and she is in denial- big time. Her voice is loud and strong, though not as strong as it used to be
** a very frightened and abused little girl, who just wants someone strong to come and take care of her and make all the bad things and people go away.
** a very insecure young woman who can't find anything loveable about herself, who doesn't believe she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, who doesn't know how to stand up for herself and what she wants. So, she supports the desires of the little girl in wanting someone big and strong (and often controlling and abusive) to come and make it "better"
** a strong, independent, successful business woman who owns her own home, supports herself pretty well, pays her bills on time, goes to meetings, reads recovery books and has found a good balance in her life
**my sponsor, the sainted woman. She has a way of taking any situation, helping me to see my part it in, and shows me how to apply recovery tools so I can get back on track.
** and various nameless, faceless people from SR, who have many good things to share, and remind me daily of my recovery tools
So, imagine all of them sitting at a conference table, discussing whether or not I should date a particular person, make a big decision, or even about where to take a vacation. It's NO WONDER I lie awake some nights and can't sleep.... it depends on whose voice is the loudest. Am I listening to the scared little girl? Or my sponsor?
I do know this. I can take those negative and scary thoughts and replace them with positive, recovery based thoughts. OR at the very least, I can ask that "the committee" table the discussion and come back at a later date to hash it out.
Who sits on YOUR committee? Whose voice is the loudest? Who should you be listening to?
Hugs and love,
Barb
Throughout my recovery, in many meetings over the years, I have heard talk of "the committee", those voices/thoughts that run thru my head and direct my actions.
At first this was NOT something I talked about, as I was taught that people who acknowledged voices in their heads were psychopathic or at the very least, mentally ill. But then, in meetings, I learned to understand the difference, it's more like those conflicting thoughts/feelings that pulled me in many directions at once and influenced my decision making. Depending on which committee member I listened to, I made different decisions and often found myself in more pain.
It helped me immensely to start to identify WHO was sitting on the committee. Here is what I determined
** my mother. God love her. She cares about me, but lived a sheltered life and is 2 things: she is afraid, and she is in denial- big time. Her voice is loud and strong, though not as strong as it used to be
** a very frightened and abused little girl, who just wants someone strong to come and take care of her and make all the bad things and people go away.
** a very insecure young woman who can't find anything loveable about herself, who doesn't believe she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, who doesn't know how to stand up for herself and what she wants. So, she supports the desires of the little girl in wanting someone big and strong (and often controlling and abusive) to come and make it "better"
** a strong, independent, successful business woman who owns her own home, supports herself pretty well, pays her bills on time, goes to meetings, reads recovery books and has found a good balance in her life
**my sponsor, the sainted woman. She has a way of taking any situation, helping me to see my part it in, and shows me how to apply recovery tools so I can get back on track.
** and various nameless, faceless people from SR, who have many good things to share, and remind me daily of my recovery tools
So, imagine all of them sitting at a conference table, discussing whether or not I should date a particular person, make a big decision, or even about where to take a vacation. It's NO WONDER I lie awake some nights and can't sleep.... it depends on whose voice is the loudest. Am I listening to the scared little girl? Or my sponsor?
I do know this. I can take those negative and scary thoughts and replace them with positive, recovery based thoughts. OR at the very least, I can ask that "the committee" table the discussion and come back at a later date to hash it out.
Who sits on YOUR committee? Whose voice is the loudest? Who should you be listening to?
Hugs and love,
Barb
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Ahh yes...the committee.
Well, I try to keep the boardroom as a quiet retreat, where I can go to reflect and connect with the committee of serenity...the recovery voices of my sponsor, Melody Beattie, members here and especially Jon who speaks so quietly sometimes that I make sure to pay special attention because I have found his words to be true. I connect with my spiritual committee of God and beauty.
However, those loud mouth members DO sneak in every once in a while...you probably have met them...Mr. and Mrs. "What If", and their snotty daughter "Shoulda". Since they are usually focused on tomorrow and all it might bring, I just reschedule them and give them the boot.
Hugs and Voices
Ann
Well, I try to keep the boardroom as a quiet retreat, where I can go to reflect and connect with the committee of serenity...the recovery voices of my sponsor, Melody Beattie, members here and especially Jon who speaks so quietly sometimes that I make sure to pay special attention because I have found his words to be true. I connect with my spiritual committee of God and beauty.
However, those loud mouth members DO sneak in every once in a while...you probably have met them...Mr. and Mrs. "What If", and their snotty daughter "Shoulda". Since they are usually focused on tomorrow and all it might bring, I just reschedule them and give them the boot.
Hugs and Voices
Ann
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
My committee is tricky sometime especially the scared side of me it can make the most illogical things sound logical sometimes.... Sometimes I have to go and hug the scared child in me and give her back her blankie cause thats all she ever really wants but, she will put me thru hell if I don't imeadately reckonize who she is cause she is so smart about her fears she knows how to sound like a big person.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
The committee that makes in my head. Funny that I read this post now. There is two committees in my head a good one that listens to want i want and is strong and never gives up and listens to the people that support me the most. The second one is the negative my and the peole that put me down. I say I am not good and that my life sucks . You think it is coming from two people but not that all comes from me. The negative committee has moved in on me but I am doing better thanks Barb for posting this message.
Shana, 18
Shana, 18
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
My committee is all negative. When I choose to listen to them I hear doubt, insecurity, worry and regret.
There is only one voice that I need to listen to.
Sometimes I refer to her as The Goddess.
Sometimes I refer to her as The Queen.
She is the best part of me, and always tells me what I really need to hear.
I usually have to shut the committee down in order to hear her though.
There is only one voice that I need to listen to.
Sometimes I refer to her as The Goddess.
Sometimes I refer to her as The Queen.
She is the best part of me, and always tells me what I really need to hear.
I usually have to shut the committee down in order to hear her though.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
I've read many posts on the committee and I never know quite how to respond b/c I've never taken the time to examine it.
Lately the committee has been working overtime.
I think I've finally determined, like Gabe, that in general the committee is bad. Well, I won't say they're all bad, they just don't have my best interests at heart. They all have their own agenda and have been influenced by negative words and events from different people over the years.
But there is one voice that I trust. For some reason his voice is male. He never yells, he always speaks very quietly. He never says much, just a sentence here and there. He doesn't come around very often, probably b/c he knows my mind needs to be quiet and still for me to hear him. He has never steered me wrong and whenever I hear him, I do not doubt his words for a second. I trust him and he is the guide that keeps me on the right path. He's my guardian, my protector, my inner strength. He is truly my higher power.
That probably sounds strange to some, but I am so grateful that he is here with me.
Lately the committee has been working overtime.
I think I've finally determined, like Gabe, that in general the committee is bad. Well, I won't say they're all bad, they just don't have my best interests at heart. They all have their own agenda and have been influenced by negative words and events from different people over the years.
But there is one voice that I trust. For some reason his voice is male. He never yells, he always speaks very quietly. He never says much, just a sentence here and there. He doesn't come around very often, probably b/c he knows my mind needs to be quiet and still for me to hear him. He has never steered me wrong and whenever I hear him, I do not doubt his words for a second. I trust him and he is the guide that keeps me on the right path. He's my guardian, my protector, my inner strength. He is truly my higher power.
That probably sounds strange to some, but I am so grateful that he is here with me.
all day long !! Talk about makin mountains outta molehills ! 
Castaway
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 783
I gave it some more thought and I wondered if the committee voices are the ones that I've been trying to silence with alcohol. The only problem with that was, I think the bad committee members tried to kill the good committee members in retaliation. Since I quit drinking a few weeks ago, good and bad committees are in full battlegear and duking it out everyday.
I think the bad committee members are supposed to regress if I stay sober for a very long time. I don't even want to know how long it's going to take.
Sandy
I think the bad committee members are supposed to regress if I stay sober for a very long time. I don't even want to know how long it's going to take.
Sandy
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Oh my....great question!
I have a little girl who wanted to grow up to be June Cleaver.
I have an angry witch who wants to put nasty words and hurtful remarks to the anger and disappointment.
I have the mother who wants to scoop them up in my arms and make it all better.
I have the strong, independent woman who thinks she knows she needs no one...but isn't quite sure.
There is the guilty one who keeps harping on all the mistakes I have made.
And then there is my HP and the voices of recovery through all the years. A large group!
The top five peek in the door from time to time but I manage to slam it shut. Their chairs are occupied. It must be the sound of all the laughter that has them curious. Oh and the smell of the pizza!!!
I have a little girl who wanted to grow up to be June Cleaver.
I have an angry witch who wants to put nasty words and hurtful remarks to the anger and disappointment.
I have the mother who wants to scoop them up in my arms and make it all better.
I have the strong, independent woman who thinks she knows she needs no one...but isn't quite sure.
There is the guilty one who keeps harping on all the mistakes I have made.
And then there is my HP and the voices of recovery through all the years. A large group!
The top five peek in the door from time to time but I manage to slam it shut. Their chairs are occupied. It must be the sound of all the laughter that has them curious. Oh and the smell of the pizza!!!
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