Liveitwell

Fathers Day has always been hard for me...mainly because I got jipped out of having a good healthy role model as a father and instead got a very smart man that turned into a raging beast when drunk. I celevrate who he is but am having a hard time with even that today-just called to wish him a happy Father's Day and he was already drinking. Said weird things so I went on my way and hung up. I've learned so much from him and know without a doubt he taught me what I will never do or give to my girls...an alcoholic parent.

My ex hasn't seen his girls in almost three months. It's a bittersweet confusing day for our 6 year old. She made a card for her dad but threw it away bc she doesbt wabt to give it to him. She's angry at him and very confused...to say that I empathize with her is an understatement. How do y'all handle Father's Day when the dad is no longer choosing to be in the picture? Any suggestions would be welcome!

Thanks for listening. As bittersweet as this day is, I thank my lucky stars that my kids won't have a drunk dad on Father's Day any longer. That's a win in my book all day long.

iamthird

Aw. I can relate. My father is not an A but he was emotionally void. I sent him a card.

STBAXH is in his own world right now and he didnt want to work something out to have DD7 today. She mailed him a card last week too.

Days like today are hard on broken families but like you said, there is always a silver lining. There is always something to be grateful for! DD7 and I are going to have some fun, quality time today. That is enough for me!

Liveitwell

^^ yes! We are having a tea party today and just holding each other tight

Timetoheal12

My father is physically present but emotionally absent. He's an A. Mom even used to say he was like the teenager son...
So... I still haven't said anything to him this year, but I usually give him a present.

I think it would be great for your daughter to understand that his absence is not her fault.
I grew up believing that my father felt lonely because of me and it certainly didn't made anything good with my romantic relationships.

I wish you and your daughter well.

hopeful4

Well, my girls went w/my X for a couple of hours, so I cannot say he is not present. However, what I would do is do something very fun together with my kids, and keep the lines of communication open to them. Let them know that no matter what they are loved and that alcoholism is a disease that is 100% not their fault, or yours either!

Sending you lots of love!!! XXX

Praying

My sons are 13 and 15...Recently my 15 year old told me he'd never go visit dad who now lives 1500 miles away--that dad could come here but he'd never go visit. Then said in almost a whisper...we have a horrible father. Broke my heart.

We did things as a family on Father's Day with my new guy and his kids. I simply sent them a text as I was going to bed that if they wanted to tell their father happy day, they could reach out.

I almost didn't want to, because I don't want to guilt them into it, and I think they have a right not to. But I also want them to feel like it's okay. So that was that.

I was thinking though--if I were apart from them on Mother's Day, I would call THEM and say, hey, I was just thinking of you and how blessed I am to have you. Love you! The need for the child to reach out to the parent is a bit victim-like and codependent in its own way, I think--if as the child we're going to feel guilty that we need to do it or as the parent we wait for a phone call and get mad if it never comes.

Just my perspective!