Praying

My XAH said I should have known how much he was drinking if I cared. He said I should have seen the multitudes of empty 1.75s of gin he buried carefully in the trash can outside. I knew he drank it, but nowhere near how much.

I said...why would I be searching the trash can?!?

For my X, it was alcohol, then after he fully admitted that and was "recovering", I later learned of sleeping pills, then pain pills, then I believe stronger opiates (likely heroin). By that time I was gone, but he was always a step ahead of me. And he was always covering something...and I believed him. Because "I would never do that", and I guess I naively trusted his word--so I assumed he wouldn't do it either. It was so foreign to me.

Took a much longer time than you've had for me to see what was really happening. I think that's fortunate for you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. More will continue to be revealed. Keep an open mind so you can see and hear it. And don't allow yourself to feel foolish. You're not.

We've all been there in some way. Have fun tonight!

Ursula745

1. You don't know she was putting alcohol in her coffee because she was drinking so much, building a tolerance, that she wouldn't have been normal without it. You would have noticed more had she tried to NOT put alcohol in her coffee. That's just how it is and not your fault that your didn't notice. I think many of us slowly became accustomed to the behavior and smell of our alcoholics that we didn't notice.

2. It's normal for BP to go up during detox and possibly in rehab. They will get her under control. She needs to be off the meds. They can't drag out detox forever, and they are monitoring her. Rest assured that you can give her no other assistance than she's already getting. And, it's not your job.

3. Most addicts call their loved ones from rehab and tell tales of how horrible it is there. Food sucks, no soap, can't take a $hit in private, get all the bad chores, hate their roomies, blah blah blah.....it's all the same. They do it to coax you into coming to get them because they don't want to be there. It's the same thing with jail...Food sucks, no soap, can't take a $hit in private, get all the bad chores, hate their roomies, blah blah blah. Don't be played. Once the pain of detoxing is done, clarity starts to set in and sometimes.....they get it. They get that they need to be there, and then they work the program. SOMETIMES. Many times, they come home and drink within hours.

Let her work on her, and you work on you. Figure out how you want to live your life. If you had to live the rest of your life as you are now, would you choose it?

hopeful4

What Ursla just said. Don't beat yourself up. Maybe take this time to get a counselor to help you figure out why you are drawn to these unstable women. You need to break that chain, and it won't likely be with this woman. Her BP may be going up b/c of panic. She is going w/out alcohol and strong meds that she is addicted to. And she is having to own up to all of it, that brings on some strong emotions. No matter the cause, let she and the doctors figure out her issues.

XXX

PinkCloudsCharley

YES!! one thousand times over, YES!

hopeful4

One thousand times yes.....if they actually want to change. If not, then they won't. It's that simple.