fiance went to court yesterday
I never realized I was an enabler. I thought an enabler was someone who helped the A drink. It took me a long time to realize I was enabling STBAXH by looking for meetings for him, rehabs, taking him back repeatedly because he did nothing more but voice that he wanted to change. He even completed an outpatient rehab back in 2011 (which we supported and attended every function they had) that I wanted him to and was sober for almost a year but it never took and he ended up relapsing because he was doing it for me and our kids, never for himself. I did not understand how he could relapse if we were doing all the right things! He never wanted it for himself deep down. He started to resent me for wanting him to go.
You will learn that nobody is immune from this horrid disease of alcholism. You see celebrities with tons of money in the best of rehabs relapse repeatedly. Alcoholism does not care what walk of life you come from, it is a disease that does not just infect the alcoholic but the loved ones as well, hence Alanon.
My STBAXH used to be a great guy. He was the kind who would never cuss at me, opened my car door for me, he treated me like a lady and who was my best friend. You hear repeatedly that alcoholism is progressive. Remember that if nothing else. Now he has deteriorated into something else who does not put our daughter first, womanizing, disrespecting me left and right, been abusive in every way. I realize how much I contributed to his demise by making excuses for him because of his childhood, because I am a forgiving Christian woman. etc...It all blew up in my face and I had to learn the hard way that I was worth more than the way I was being treated.
Enabling is truly doing something for someone they can do for themselves. Take these words in love. Be kind to yourself. Do not think because you do all the right things for her, you will get the results you want. If she wants it, she will find a way to do it for herself.
Praying for you for some peace and calm.
You will learn that nobody is immune from this horrid disease of alcholism. You see celebrities with tons of money in the best of rehabs relapse repeatedly. Alcoholism does not care what walk of life you come from, it is a disease that does not just infect the alcoholic but the loved ones as well, hence Alanon.
My STBAXH used to be a great guy. He was the kind who would never cuss at me, opened my car door for me, he treated me like a lady and who was my best friend. You hear repeatedly that alcoholism is progressive. Remember that if nothing else. Now he has deteriorated into something else who does not put our daughter first, womanizing, disrespecting me left and right, been abusive in every way. I realize how much I contributed to his demise by making excuses for him because of his childhood, because I am a forgiving Christian woman. etc...It all blew up in my face and I had to learn the hard way that I was worth more than the way I was being treated.
Enabling is truly doing something for someone they can do for themselves. Take these words in love. Be kind to yourself. Do not think because you do all the right things for her, you will get the results you want. If she wants it, she will find a way to do it for herself.
Praying for you for some peace and calm.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: OH
Posts: 57
ihatealcohol80 your posts scare me. I think I was you 10-15 years ago. Though you have a huge advantage. Your not married and you do not have kids. I think/hope it will be simpler for you to get through this.
Though you seem obstinate/denial now to all the good advice you are getting, I think you'll figure this out quicker than I did. Just remember, she needs the alcohol way more than anything else right now in her life. Let this help guide your thinking. Don't try to fix her.
Also, remember her Attorney is hired to defend her legally and that's it. If he get's her off, minimizes the impact to her legally etc. he's just doing his job. However, don't let his words/legal advice and the legal machinations guide your perception of really what's going on with your fiancé.
Though you seem obstinate/denial now to all the good advice you are getting, I think you'll figure this out quicker than I did. Just remember, she needs the alcohol way more than anything else right now in her life. Let this help guide your thinking. Don't try to fix her.
Also, remember her Attorney is hired to defend her legally and that's it. If he get's her off, minimizes the impact to her legally etc. he's just doing his job. However, don't let his words/legal advice and the legal machinations guide your perception of really what's going on with your fiancé.
When I was 18 my grandfather was struck and killed by a drunk driver. Taking a whole bus load of kids and driving drunk indicates a very serious problem and I think, from what you have said, your fiancee thinks it wasn't. She seems to be defending her drinking and not *liking* a rehab is the least of her problems. She appears to not be ready to do whatever it takes to get sober....
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
Here's some of my personal stories. If you've already read around, you'll know that my stories aren't the exception, they're common occurrences in relationships with alcoholics. I'll denote all the common themes of alcoholism and codependency in relationships with (*) at the end of a sentence.
I knew that my ex wife was alcoholic before we started dating, but like you, I didn't have a full understanding of how alcoholism affects the family dynamic. We fell in love very quickly.(*) We moved in together very quickly.(*) We got married quickly (2 years after we started dating).(*) She was at a low point in her life when we met, and I wanted nothing more than to help her learn how to live a better, happier life.(*) It seemed like we were meant for each other, and in the beginning of our relationship it seemed like everything was perfect for both of us "except when she was drinking."(*) It seemed as though we were a perfect couple, her friends were openly envious that she had such a patient and caring guy, and my friends were envious about how beautiful she was.
Prior to meeting me, my ex wife had driven her father's truck while being so drunk that she couldn't even see the road in front of her,(*) and her daughter had to tell her which way to turn the steering wheel to stay on the road. She endangered her own daughter's life because she didn't want to call a taxi or get a friend to drive. That's not a mistake, that's selfishly gambling with people's lives.
Side note: MADD - Drunk Driving Statistics
Couple of scary facts from this page:
"In 2013, 10,076 people died in drunk driving crashes - one every 52 minutes - and 290,000 were injured in drunk driving crashes."
"Every day in America, another 28 people die as a result of drunk driving crashes."
"On average, two in three people will be involved in a drunk driving crash in their lifetime."
"In 2013, a total of 1,149 children 14 and younger were killed in motor vehicle traffic crashes. Of those 1,149 fatalities, 200 (17%) occurred in alcohol-impaired-driving crashes. Out of those 200 deaths, 121 (61%) were occupants of vehicles with drivers who had BACs of .08 or higher, and another 29 children (15%) were pedestrians or pedalcyclists struck by drivers with BACs of .08 or higher."
Back to the personal stories. My ex wife would get verbally abusive when drunk.(*) In the beginning, it was more self-pity than abuse: she would say things to me like "You don't love me, nobody can stay with me because I'm crazy." "I know myself very well, I am an alcoholic. You will run away from me." "I know I'm going to die soon, I know it." Gradually this turned into abuse directed at me and at others.(*) She could sit opposite me on the sofa and say very hurtful things to me all night, and when I would try to go to bed she would follow and continue to harass me, and then forcefully try to have sex. I don't know about you, but when someone says nasty things about me all night long the last thing I want to do is sleep with them. So I would refuse her, to which she would reply "What, you think I have to **** you? I can go to the bar and **** any guy I want, why do I have to pick you?"
She verbally abused her daughter while drunk.(*) One time, she got her daughter so angry that her daughter started throwing punches at her face. Another time at my brother's house, my ex wife harassed her daughter so much that she (her daughter) ran into the bathroom and locked the door for hours until it was time to leave. That was on Christmas eve. Christmas day was supposed to be spent with my whole extended family at my brother's house, and it was ruined due to a combination of the ex wife's 'can't get out of bed hangover' and the drama between her and her daughter.
She got verbally abusive with her friends while drunk.(*) One of her friends had a tendency to be overly assertive/controlling which could rub people the wrong way, but it wasn't the cause of any major issues. While they were playing cards together in one of their weekly gatherings, my ex wife exploded at her over a very minor issue in the game (refusing to show her cards after being called on a bluff) and said terrible things to her such as "see, this is why your ex husband can't even stay with you, you ****ing b****."
She recognized that she had a problem with alcohol, but she refused to take part in any kind of therapy or program(*) because she convinced herself that she would never be able to quit drinking. She was the kind of person that would not be able to stop drinking once she started, so she asked me to moderate her drinking for her and make sure she wasn't drinking too quickly during social events.(*) The first time I tried this at a birthday party, I saw that she had drank 5 beers in a short period of time without eating anything, so I gently asked her to please eat some food before she had another drink. She lashed out at me, told me that we were finished as a couple, and told me to go f*** one of her non-alcoholic friends (the same lady from the last paragraph). All because I did what she asked me to do, which was try to moderate her drinking for her when she was unwilling to do it herself.(*)
I wasn't the controlling type in the relationship. I never held her back from doing what she wanted to do. If she wanted to go clubbing with her friends, I was supportive. She would book up her entire weekends - weeks in advance - for us to go to her friends' houses so that they could play cards and drink together, and if I suggested that we visit one of my friends on any given weekend, or spend the time to ourselves, she would loudly object, saying that it would be rude of us to go to a party at her friend "A's" house and then not attend the party at her friend "B's" house the next week. Staving off some perceived snub (and getting to play cards and drink) was more important.(*)
There was only one time I flat out said "no" to my ex wife, and it turned into a major argument that led to me sleeping in my truck for a week. We lived in a two story house in the half-basement, and the upstairs neighbor moved out so we moved in to the upstairs suite and the landlord found new tenants for the half basement. The new tenants had a newborn baby and another on the way, and very politely asked us to please keep the noise down after ~8pm so that the baby could get proper sleep. The floors were never very well insulated, so any music or heavy walking would cause a fair amount of noise downstairs and wake the baby. Once we had the upstairs suite, my ex wife started having her friends over to our house for the weekly card/drinking parties due to the larger floor space, which would involve lots of music, people walking around, and cooking until ~1am. After several phone calls from the downstairs neighbors across several weeks politely asking us to be a bit quieter, my ex wife got angry and said "I hate them. I'm going to do something bad to them." To which I said "No you won't." That started a several-weeks-long dispute which culminated in her coming home drunk one night, spitting on the downstairs neighbor's baby stroller, kicking my cat in the stomach, and throwing a chair through our bedroom window after I locked myself in to separate ourselves because she was getting violent.
I'm sure that should be enough personal stories for now. The common theme in these is that her priorities were the only ones that mattered, and anything that got in the way of what she wanted was to be fought without compromise. The sad thing is, I haven't even scratched the surface of all the problems that her drinking caused, and it only gets worse. But it was "only when she was drinking," right? Things were great when she wasn't drinking. But the drinking doesn't slow down when she doesn't want it to slow down. It only happens more and more often until she decides that she's ready to stop for herself. The alcohol amplifies emotions and feelings, and the alcoholic has no short supply of those. It reaches a point where even the slightest perceived insult or negligence becomes a potentially relationship-shattering event, and you live your whole life walking on eggshells to try to prevent inevitable arguments.
I knew that my ex wife was alcoholic before we started dating, but like you, I didn't have a full understanding of how alcoholism affects the family dynamic. We fell in love very quickly.(*) We moved in together very quickly.(*) We got married quickly (2 years after we started dating).(*) She was at a low point in her life when we met, and I wanted nothing more than to help her learn how to live a better, happier life.(*) It seemed like we were meant for each other, and in the beginning of our relationship it seemed like everything was perfect for both of us "except when she was drinking."(*) It seemed as though we were a perfect couple, her friends were openly envious that she had such a patient and caring guy, and my friends were envious about how beautiful she was.
Prior to meeting me, my ex wife had driven her father's truck while being so drunk that she couldn't even see the road in front of her,(*) and her daughter had to tell her which way to turn the steering wheel to stay on the road. She endangered her own daughter's life because she didn't want to call a taxi or get a friend to drive. That's not a mistake, that's selfishly gambling with people's lives.
Side note: MADD - Drunk Driving Statistics
Couple of scary facts from this page:
"In 2013, 10,076 people died in drunk driving crashes - one every 52 minutes - and 290,000 were injured in drunk driving crashes."
"Every day in America, another 28 people die as a result of drunk driving crashes."
"On average, two in three people will be involved in a drunk driving crash in their lifetime."
"In 2013, a total of 1,149 children 14 and younger were killed in motor vehicle traffic crashes. Of those 1,149 fatalities, 200 (17%) occurred in alcohol-impaired-driving crashes. Out of those 200 deaths, 121 (61%) were occupants of vehicles with drivers who had BACs of .08 or higher, and another 29 children (15%) were pedestrians or pedalcyclists struck by drivers with BACs of .08 or higher."
Back to the personal stories. My ex wife would get verbally abusive when drunk.(*) In the beginning, it was more self-pity than abuse: she would say things to me like "You don't love me, nobody can stay with me because I'm crazy." "I know myself very well, I am an alcoholic. You will run away from me." "I know I'm going to die soon, I know it." Gradually this turned into abuse directed at me and at others.(*) She could sit opposite me on the sofa and say very hurtful things to me all night, and when I would try to go to bed she would follow and continue to harass me, and then forcefully try to have sex. I don't know about you, but when someone says nasty things about me all night long the last thing I want to do is sleep with them. So I would refuse her, to which she would reply "What, you think I have to **** you? I can go to the bar and **** any guy I want, why do I have to pick you?"
She verbally abused her daughter while drunk.(*) One time, she got her daughter so angry that her daughter started throwing punches at her face. Another time at my brother's house, my ex wife harassed her daughter so much that she (her daughter) ran into the bathroom and locked the door for hours until it was time to leave. That was on Christmas eve. Christmas day was supposed to be spent with my whole extended family at my brother's house, and it was ruined due to a combination of the ex wife's 'can't get out of bed hangover' and the drama between her and her daughter.
She got verbally abusive with her friends while drunk.(*) One of her friends had a tendency to be overly assertive/controlling which could rub people the wrong way, but it wasn't the cause of any major issues. While they were playing cards together in one of their weekly gatherings, my ex wife exploded at her over a very minor issue in the game (refusing to show her cards after being called on a bluff) and said terrible things to her such as "see, this is why your ex husband can't even stay with you, you ****ing b****."
She recognized that she had a problem with alcohol, but she refused to take part in any kind of therapy or program(*) because she convinced herself that she would never be able to quit drinking. She was the kind of person that would not be able to stop drinking once she started, so she asked me to moderate her drinking for her and make sure she wasn't drinking too quickly during social events.(*) The first time I tried this at a birthday party, I saw that she had drank 5 beers in a short period of time without eating anything, so I gently asked her to please eat some food before she had another drink. She lashed out at me, told me that we were finished as a couple, and told me to go f*** one of her non-alcoholic friends (the same lady from the last paragraph). All because I did what she asked me to do, which was try to moderate her drinking for her when she was unwilling to do it herself.(*)
I wasn't the controlling type in the relationship. I never held her back from doing what she wanted to do. If she wanted to go clubbing with her friends, I was supportive. She would book up her entire weekends - weeks in advance - for us to go to her friends' houses so that they could play cards and drink together, and if I suggested that we visit one of my friends on any given weekend, or spend the time to ourselves, she would loudly object, saying that it would be rude of us to go to a party at her friend "A's" house and then not attend the party at her friend "B's" house the next week. Staving off some perceived snub (and getting to play cards and drink) was more important.(*)
There was only one time I flat out said "no" to my ex wife, and it turned into a major argument that led to me sleeping in my truck for a week. We lived in a two story house in the half-basement, and the upstairs neighbor moved out so we moved in to the upstairs suite and the landlord found new tenants for the half basement. The new tenants had a newborn baby and another on the way, and very politely asked us to please keep the noise down after ~8pm so that the baby could get proper sleep. The floors were never very well insulated, so any music or heavy walking would cause a fair amount of noise downstairs and wake the baby. Once we had the upstairs suite, my ex wife started having her friends over to our house for the weekly card/drinking parties due to the larger floor space, which would involve lots of music, people walking around, and cooking until ~1am. After several phone calls from the downstairs neighbors across several weeks politely asking us to be a bit quieter, my ex wife got angry and said "I hate them. I'm going to do something bad to them." To which I said "No you won't." That started a several-weeks-long dispute which culminated in her coming home drunk one night, spitting on the downstairs neighbor's baby stroller, kicking my cat in the stomach, and throwing a chair through our bedroom window after I locked myself in to separate ourselves because she was getting violent.
I'm sure that should be enough personal stories for now. The common theme in these is that her priorities were the only ones that mattered, and anything that got in the way of what she wanted was to be fought without compromise. The sad thing is, I haven't even scratched the surface of all the problems that her drinking caused, and it only gets worse. But it was "only when she was drinking," right? Things were great when she wasn't drinking. But the drinking doesn't slow down when she doesn't want it to slow down. It only happens more and more often until she decides that she's ready to stop for herself. The alcohol amplifies emotions and feelings, and the alcoholic has no short supply of those. It reaches a point where even the slightest perceived insult or negligence becomes a potentially relationship-shattering event, and you live your whole life walking on eggshells to try to prevent inevitable arguments.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 57
Thomas, thank you for sharing. Your ex wife seems quite dangerous. I apologize to anyone I offended by labeling. I truly thought salvation army was just a homeless shelter. However, heroin and prostitution are not victimless crimes. They destroy inner cities. Tomorrow I plan on asking many questions at the rehab. I will also ask what is being done for my missing fiance 400$ movado watch.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
Such is the insidious nature of how alcoholism progresses and changes people. If you saw her walking down the street, you would think that she was a perfectly normal, albeit very attractive woman. If you met her at a social gathering, you'd think her to be a charming and fun person. External appearances are deceiving: saintly people can be covered head to toe in tattoos, just as emotionally unhealthy people can have flawless skin and perfect teeth.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
I hate, it might be better if you focus your time and attention on whatever the rehab has planned for your time tomorrow. However long you have probably won't be enough for all of your questions. Schedule an appointment with the director to discuss the missing watch. Don't waste your precious time tomorrow on it.
However, heroin and prostitution are not victimless crimes. They destroy inner cities
What's your point?
Alcoholism destroys just as much if not more. Please refer to the statistics Thomas45 quoted. Again you seem intent in comparing one addiction against another in that one is better than another. 10k people died in a year and 290k injured. Wow.
Salvation Army has and excellent rehabilitation program. Please take the time to read some of these stories. Note there are several people on here that had it all and lost it I don't think they would meet your stereotype of where a "street person" is. http://satruck.org/about/news/stories
Thomas45 story is pretty normal for life with an A.
What's your point?
Alcoholism destroys just as much if not more. Please refer to the statistics Thomas45 quoted. Again you seem intent in comparing one addiction against another in that one is better than another. 10k people died in a year and 290k injured. Wow.
Salvation Army has and excellent rehabilitation program. Please take the time to read some of these stories. Note there are several people on here that had it all and lost it I don't think they would meet your stereotype of where a "street person" is. http://satruck.org/about/news/stories
Thomas45 story is pretty normal for life with an A.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 57
I've read a few articles that showed Betty Ford type places as providing the best outcomes. 30k is not a huge amount to me. My fiance is where she is at now because it was available. I just hope she doesn't find any bad influences.
So does your fiancee. Neither is drunk driving. Did you read Thomas's statistics? Incidentally, most prostitutes are people who are being exploited for the sake of profit. They don't get to keep most of what they make. Why anyone would bring valuables to a rehab is beyond me. Sure, ask about the watch. But I'd be willing to bet there is something in the admission forms she signed stating that the rehab is not responsible for the loss of valuables brought in by the patients. Even regular hospitals do that. I was dumb enough to leave my pocketbook in my hospital room when I gave birth for the second time. I got the stolen wallet back, but by the time I reported it missing my credit card had been used to buy several hundred dollars worth of jewelry and limo services. Ultimately it was the fault of the person who stole it, but I didn't blame the hospital--on the scale of responsibility for the theft it was the thief first, then me. I didn't blame the hospital at all.
The lost watch is the last thing you and she need to be focusing on.
The lost watch is the last thing you and she need to be focusing on.
I hope no one is badly influenced by her.
I went to a posh rehab. Here's my take, I would much rather be surrounded by people who have lost everything and are on the way back from addiction than wealthy privileged people who go to rehab once a year like some kids go to camp.
There was a fairly obvious bifurcation at the facility I attended. There were those of us with the maturity to grasp the severity of what we were dealing with. And I would wager all of us would have gleaned just as much at any rehab. And I can PROMISE you none of us who were serious were counting tattoos or worried about tooth veneers. In fact, many of us could appreciate that we were damned lucky to have the LUXURY of checking out of life for thirty days to deal with our stuff. I don't care what type of facility you attend, being there in and of itself is a huge gift, one that many addicts and alcoholics would give their eye teeth to have.
You don't deal with addiction when you are doing reiki, or equine therapy or shiatsu. The hard work was done in small groups of 10, often in the desert in temps north of 100 degrees. And we were tough on each other. When it comes to a "pecking order", we didn't judge what substance or where you lived, but we were pretty hard on people who put other's lives in danger because of their actions. Rehab is it's own little community, all you do is talk about issues for 16 hours a day.
And then there was the peanut gallery in the back row. One girl had been there so many time she planned her hair extensions around her stay each summer. One girl showed up with well over 12 suitcases and the minute her family left she checked herself out with another patient, he was married and 30 years older. My hunch is most of them are back there again this summer.
Your fiancé sounds like she would be hanging in the back row. At over $50K do you want to cross your fingers and hope it sticks?
I got myself to rehab. I flew across the country by myself. I organized my life so that I could leave my husband and daughter. I didn't go because of any legal or marital or financial woes. I was completely new to the entire industry and in retrospect I now see that rehab is big business, with a vulnerable population that is praying that throwing enough money at anything will solve it.
Don't think that your fiancé isn't going to leverage over the fact that you think she needs to be isolated from what you have deemed a less savory population. She is going to play that song and dance, and THAT is a testament to where her head is at. You want to pony up for the expensive rehab? Do it when she has found humility and has grasped that she was arrogant enough to put EACH one of those children at risk. If they had been harmed, hundreds of people would have been affected tragically.
I think the feedback here has been so strong because there is concern that she might be enabled in any way to ever make such an unbelievably selfish type of action again.
There was a fairly obvious bifurcation at the facility I attended. There were those of us with the maturity to grasp the severity of what we were dealing with. And I would wager all of us would have gleaned just as much at any rehab. And I can PROMISE you none of us who were serious were counting tattoos or worried about tooth veneers. In fact, many of us could appreciate that we were damned lucky to have the LUXURY of checking out of life for thirty days to deal with our stuff. I don't care what type of facility you attend, being there in and of itself is a huge gift, one that many addicts and alcoholics would give their eye teeth to have.
You don't deal with addiction when you are doing reiki, or equine therapy or shiatsu. The hard work was done in small groups of 10, often in the desert in temps north of 100 degrees. And we were tough on each other. When it comes to a "pecking order", we didn't judge what substance or where you lived, but we were pretty hard on people who put other's lives in danger because of their actions. Rehab is it's own little community, all you do is talk about issues for 16 hours a day.
And then there was the peanut gallery in the back row. One girl had been there so many time she planned her hair extensions around her stay each summer. One girl showed up with well over 12 suitcases and the minute her family left she checked herself out with another patient, he was married and 30 years older. My hunch is most of them are back there again this summer.
Your fiancé sounds like she would be hanging in the back row. At over $50K do you want to cross your fingers and hope it sticks?
I got myself to rehab. I flew across the country by myself. I organized my life so that I could leave my husband and daughter. I didn't go because of any legal or marital or financial woes. I was completely new to the entire industry and in retrospect I now see that rehab is big business, with a vulnerable population that is praying that throwing enough money at anything will solve it.
Don't think that your fiancé isn't going to leverage over the fact that you think she needs to be isolated from what you have deemed a less savory population. She is going to play that song and dance, and THAT is a testament to where her head is at. You want to pony up for the expensive rehab? Do it when she has found humility and has grasped that she was arrogant enough to put EACH one of those children at risk. If they had been harmed, hundreds of people would have been affected tragically.
I think the feedback here has been so strong because there is concern that she might be enabled in any way to ever make such an unbelievably selfish type of action again.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
If you turn on the TV and tune in to one of their music stations, you'll see 90%+ of the music videos dealing with infidelity, spousal abuse, families being torn apart, and young adults abandoning their newborn babies to their grandparents who live on a farm - all as a result of alcoholism and drug abuse. Their music trends are a shocking reflection of the reality of the state of their country. In the rural countryside, *many* of the husbands have a kik (hidden mistress or hidden 2nd wife), and many of the wives have a hidden farang (white foreigner) husband who wires them money every month to a secret bank account that her Thai husband doesn't know about.
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Join Date: May 2015
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Alcohol does just as much damage as any other drug out there. The fact that it's a legal drug is really only due to the lobby and its established history of use. If you think those MADD stats are scary, you should take a look at Thailand: alcoholism there has become so prevalent that in certain areas, up to 80% of vehicle accidents involve alcohol abuse.
If you turn on the TV and tune in to one of their music stations, you'll see 90%+ of the music videos dealing with infidelity, spousal abuse, families being torn apart, and young adults abandoning their newborn babies to their grandparents who live on a farm - all as a result of alcoholism and drug abuse. Their music trends are a shocking reflection of the reality of the state of their country. In the rural countryside, *many* of the husbands have a kik (hidden mistress or hidden 2nd wife), and many of the wives have a hidden farang (white foreigner) husband who wires them money every month to a secret bank account that her Thai husband doesn't know about.
If you turn on the TV and tune in to one of their music stations, you'll see 90%+ of the music videos dealing with infidelity, spousal abuse, families being torn apart, and young adults abandoning their newborn babies to their grandparents who live on a farm - all as a result of alcoholism and drug abuse. Their music trends are a shocking reflection of the reality of the state of their country. In the rural countryside, *many* of the husbands have a kik (hidden mistress or hidden 2nd wife), and many of the wives have a hidden farang (white foreigner) husband who wires them money every month to a secret bank account that her Thai husband doesn't know about.
Meanwhile back on the farm, you have a very sick woman on your hands who is in deep denial. You yourself, stat quotes aside, are in denial as deeply as she is. Are you grasping the concept that sobriety can't be bought? That those children were in far more danger from being exposed to HER influence than she is in being exposed to former hookers?
You want her surrounded by well heeled addicts like Liz Taylor fine. But if she doesn't want it, it won't work. You will be posting here after the wedding with horror stories as bad or worse than what you've read. Good luck.
Incidentally, I don't want to trash the Betty Ford Center. To my knowledge they do have a good program there, but it is hardly a resort. They assign chores, too, and share rooms (without regard to tattoos or drug of choice, as far as I know). She's as likely to be mingling with heroin addicts there as anywhere else.
I don't know that it's necessarily more effective than the place she's at now. I also don't know that it's any more effective than regular, hard work in AA. The main advantage of rehabs, IMO, is that it gives someone an opportunity to focus on nothing but recovery and give them a good ground work (hopefully) to navigate real life when they get out.
I don't know that it's necessarily more effective than the place she's at now. I also don't know that it's any more effective than regular, hard work in AA. The main advantage of rehabs, IMO, is that it gives someone an opportunity to focus on nothing but recovery and give them a good ground work (hopefully) to navigate real life when they get out.
You mentioned that your GF has a history of violence and abuse, but I did not read if she has a mental health diagnosis?
Abuse and trauma can lead to PTSD and other forms of illness that can trigger substance abuse. Maybe it would make sense to look for a rehab place specializing in dual diagnosis patients or patients with a history of trauma. Glad she gets treatment and that all the kids and drivers out there are safe again. Wishing you all the best.
Abuse and trauma can lead to PTSD and other forms of illness that can trigger substance abuse. Maybe it would make sense to look for a rehab place specializing in dual diagnosis patients or patients with a history of trauma. Glad she gets treatment and that all the kids and drivers out there are safe again. Wishing you all the best.
The alcohol amplifies emotions and feelings, and the alcoholic has no short supply of those. It reaches a point where even the slightest perceived insult or negligence becomes a potentially relationship-shattering event, and you live your whole life walking on eggshells to try to prevent inevitable arguments.
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