iamthird

I feel like I just posted on here about STBAXH always adhering to schedule and financial arrangement so there was not much I could do about him being a jerk. (Divorce in process, so no legal orders yet) Well yesterday was the first time in over 3 years of separation he did not pay me. I text to ask if he was transferring $ and he simply replied "Nope.". For those of you who know my story, you may remember that STBAXH always gave $ religiously even at the height of his addiction and that was always the one attribute I could respect. That even if he couldnt be the emotional partner, he took care of logistics and our DD7 financially.

I know all my recourse and file emergency orders for support, blah blah blah, more money to attorney, blah blah blah. I am just tired all! I make a good living on my own and although the $600/mo. he gives me helps, I am not going to allow him to get a reaction out of me or send me into a tailspin and lose focus on my own recovery and what I am doing to heal. I seriously have to look at it like he is dead! I have to pretend like I will not get a cent from him.

This weekend I will have to spend a little less, a few things cannot be paid until next paycheck but I will be ok!! I will never allow him to break me or come unglued ever again. DD7 and I went to cheap movies yesterday, today we will just spend quality time at home. My rent is paid, I have gas im my car and groceries in my fridge. That is all I need. I am thankful for what I do have, and that I am not ill and have DD7 and will enjoy these moments with her. He can not pay me, but I am still surviving!!

I will pray for him. That is all I can do!!

Hawkeye13

Wonderful empowering attitude IAT--glad you aren't letting it upset you
That said,
I'd still take him to court for support.
That's resources for your daughter and he is her father.

dandylion

iamthird....playing "hardball" with a narcissist is not the same thing as letting him get by with anything they want !
Your choices are not (1) "come unglued" OR (2) let him do anything he wants so that he doesn't get P***** of.

You have got to stop being afraid of him---and grow your thick rhino skin.

Say nothing more and immediately do what you have to do to have the COURT kick his ass. You might be intimidated by him---but, guess what?---the legal system isn't!
Your daughter needs that m oney--if not NOW---at sometime l ater.

dandylion

lillamy

I found that what made my life the most peaceful was to make a budget that did not count on a penny of support for the kids coming from AXH. Then any money that did come in was a nice surprise, but I didn't have to panic when he failed to pay.

Refiner

I agree. No reaction. No emotion. But let the attorney/ judge kick his ASS in court!!! What do you think caused him to all of a sudden change? Him being a N and not getting the "supply" they so desperately need is the worst "punishment" LOL!

iamthird

I am not intimidated by him. Divorce is already in process so I am just going to let attorney handle was my point. I just decided not to engage him at all like I would have tried to talk and figure out why he did not pay. I would have talked to him and tell him it's hurting not just me but DD7, etc..He knows he is supposed to pay. I gave him benefit of doubt maybe something happened so I asked if he was transferring but he said he is not going to give me another penny until he has to. I honestly dont think he ever thought I would move forward with divorce. Now that I am, money is the only thing he could use as a weapon so I am taking away his power.

My therapist said it takes two people to argue. I just keep remembering that. It feels good to not be in a position to need him financially anymore. I remember I was so weak for so long because I needed the $ to live. Now I can tell him to screw off...lol!! He will have to pay eventually, not letting him get away with anything.

amy55

Just have to say that you are sounding so good, and so strong. Not responding is the best thing. Keeping records of the support, excellent. Not spending additional money on attorney at this time, get him in court later on, terrific.

Big (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy

iGirl66

speak softly and carry a BIG stick! Sounds like a plan. You stay cool and let the lawyer stomp him like a roach!

Praying

I love this! No reaction from you? A court will tell HIM what to do? It's a narcissist's worst nightmare. Yay, you!

This is a serious "win"...nice work. It's not easy at all.

LexieCat

You sound GREAT, there, kiddo! Awesome, even!

Good for YOU.